Looking for a good punishment idea

amother

Fri, Feb 02 2007, 8:39 am

I have a 6 year old daughter who is extremely smart &bright.
she fights with her older sister(hits her,grabs things from her even spits on her rarely!)
Whatever I do-does not seem to help.
she is not scared of being punished!
PLease!I need a good punishment idea!

shoy18

Fri, Feb 02 2007, 8:53 am

My sister, has a jar for my 8 year old niece, that she fills with marbles when she does something good, and when she does something bad a certain number of marbles gets taken a away. When she reaches I think 40 marbles (each marble is worth 25 cents) she gets $10 to go the store. It seems to work really well, maybe focus on the good and when she does something bad some of her "good" gets taken away.

btMOMtoFFBs

Fri, Feb 02 2007, 8:54 am

I send my 5-1/2 year old to "galus" in the laundry room. He is missing out on the action in the house and there's nothing to play with.

He can't come out until he can explain to me why he was punished and how he can do better next time.

Also, I've been working hard on positive reinforcement with a sticker chart. This motivation has improved his behavior more than the punishments. Each time he finishes a line on the sticker chart (10 boxes) he gets a dollar. When he has ten or more dollars we go to the store of his choice to buy his prize. He LOVES it.

I give stickers generously - basically for any positive behavior. Its great when he gets on a roll and wants to keep being good to earn stickers.

Good luck to you!

mumoo

Fri, Feb 02 2007, 10:20 am

punishment only works if suffering it is worse than not doing the bad behaviors. Children make the cheshbon in their heads if its worth stopping. it seems whatever she is doing is more valuable to her than risking the punishment. It may be worth investigating what she gets out of it.

Also, do you really follow through on whatever punishment you threaten? she may have learned its not a real threat.

It helps to lay down a few (3-4) basic, non-negotiable rules. Go over it with ds and list the consequences for breaking them. Be totally unemotional. Even our unintentional facial expressions are big reinforcements for kid's bad behavior. Then make sure you follow through-no matter what. She will eventually learn you mean business if the consequence is worse than whatever thrill she gets from misbehaving.

I know she is only 6, but if she is smart enough, she can ultimately learn to take control of the household. Take the control for yourself now.

withhumor

Fri, Feb 02 2007, 10:28 am

Punishing after a crime has been committed only builds up anger and resentment, and they lash out again in a worse way. Punishing only happens if you specify what the punishment will be, before the crime is committed.

For example, if you won’t brush your teeth 2 nights in a row, you will not be able to use the electric toothbrush for one week.

If your kids are little, you should read 1-2-3 magic. I don’t agree with the method in the book 100% but people swear by it. The only thing I learned from that book is the six methods of manipulation children will use against you, and it was a HUGE eye-opener. I can now spot it from a mile away, no matter how well disguised and dh caught onto it to and now we just laugh it off instead of getting angry and responding to it. The book tells you how to deal with each kind of manipulative tactic that kids will use.

amother

Fri, Feb 02 2007, 10:38 am

I have a 6 yr. old dd too and I can tell you that the fighting is most likely not cuz she wants to hurt anyone but just cuz she is looking for your attention.your reaction is a way of her to get your attention, eventhough it is negative attention it is still attention. I dont believe that punishing her will help. With my 6 yr. old as long as she isnt physically hurting anyone just being very annoying I will try distract her and hug her and kiss her and tell her how much I love her. You will see when you do this her fighting will become less frequent because she is getting your love and attention. I strongly believe in positive reinforcement. and lots of compliments. (Of course there are times when children deserve punishments. )

withhumor

Fri, Feb 02 2007, 10:44 am

Amother above, there’s a book Siblings Without Rivalry (Paperback)
by Adele Faber (Author), Elaine Mazlish (Author)

In there it speaks about the tattletalers. They tattle on their sister just to get you angry because you’re in a different room and not paying attention to them. The first thing to do is to pay attention to the ACCUSER and not the ACCUSED.

The accuser wants you to jump up and say, LOOK WHAT YOU DID. Instead, say “I don’t want to hear something about B, I want to hear something about A-you. When you have something to tell me about yourself, please come and tell me. I’m here for you.

Their mission stays unaccomplished, but they learn that they don’t need to use a negative approach for getting your attention. Then the book teaches you how to look them in the eye when they talk, because that’s what really counts… read it!

su7kids

Fri, Feb 02 2007, 11:48 am

I think it is more effective if you tell her when she's doing things RIGHT rather than focusing on when she's doing things NOT right. Reinforce the positive.

greenfire

Fri, Feb 02 2007, 12:28 pm

You need to get to the bottom of this and see why she is doing this. What feelings in her are triggering such behaviors. Jealously can lead to many an evil deed...