Expectation of Shalach Manos

amother

Thu, Feb 21 2013, 2:03 pm

My husband and I are one of those couples that make 200,000 have huge private school bills amoung mortgages, car payments etc. We barely make ends meet. This year I can't afford shalach manos. I bought my kids some twizzlers and cheap items to give their peers and teachers. How can I avoid something I can't afford? I really don't care if people don't give me. I told my close friends to please not give me any shalach manos because I am not doing it this year. They understood, will probably bring anyway, but we are close and they don't have expectations. What about everyone else? I know I look like a cheapskate since people assume we are "well off." Should I just not worry about it?

abby1776

Thu, Feb 21 2013, 2:18 pm

Dont worry about it.

In a day everyone will be on to Pesach and have forgotten. The only one that thinks about this is you.

I guess that is easy for me to say, because I am not one who has ever done large shaloch manot. Before I had kids, we gave two people a bottle of wine and some chocolate. The barest minumum. Now that we have kids we have some stuff for the kids to give to friends but that is it.

Considering the cr-p I recieve as Shaloch Manos, I dont feel bad not giving any out.

anotherima

Thu, Feb 21 2013, 2:25 pm

It's fine. The halacha is to give one mishloach manos. Sometimes my close friends ask me "do you want my junk on Purim?" and I say "No. do you want my junk on purim?" and they say no. So we laugh and don't give each other and are as close as ever.

Raisin

Thu, Feb 21 2013, 2:33 pm

abby1776 wrote:

thats a pretty expensive mm, for even the very cheapest wine.

As long as you do the minimum don't feel bad. You can make a few MM to give out and recycle the ones that come in, if you want. Or just be out the whole day.

morah

Thu, Feb 21 2013, 2:35 pm

The halacha is to give 2 food items (not of the same bracha) to one person. That's it. A pack of Twizzlers and an apple make a halachikally acceptable package. Just pick a family who wouldn't care if that's all the package had.

theoneandonly

Thu, Feb 21 2013, 2:41 pm

morah wrote:

This is a myth, possibly made up by BY teachers trying to explain to young students the concept of "2 minim." That's what's needed for MM--2 minim, not necessarily 2 different brachos. So an apple and an orange would be okay.

Happy18

Thu, Feb 21 2013, 2:45 pm

In many communities it is becoming normal just to give everyone through the shul. My mother now makes shalach manos only for the people who come to the house to drop off. Most of their friends no longer drop off as giving through the shul has become the community norm, so it makes things a lot easier as well as cheaper for everyone. So don't feel bad for not giving to everyone, in many communities this is becoming normal. Maybe next year see if you can start that in your community.

costanza

Thu, Feb 21 2013, 3:04 pm

I've noticed the trend that people are sending cards and more and more are sending e-cards. I think this is the best option. You have no postage expense and there are charities where you can give $18 and send as many e-cards as you want. (see Leket Yisrael). The only effort needed is to get all of the email addresses.
The shul programs are very nice, but they charge upwards of $5 per shalach manos. That's more than many want to spend, but it is a nice fundraiser.

morah

Thu, Feb 21 2013, 3:09 pm

Theoneandonly- you are correct, thanks. Although I think the reason it got around is not teachers making stuff up but the idea being that MM is supposed to be something someone can make a meal out of- presumably 2 different food groups (or a food and a drink).

Happy18- shul MM may not fulfill your obligation; some shuls send the stuff out at night or before the holiday, so you're not yotzei. My shul in fact warns everyone that just signing up for the list won't make you yotzei, you still need to make one on your own. People should check with their LOR before relying on the shul gift.

Happy18

Thu, Feb 21 2013, 3:12 pm

morah wrote:

I did mention my mother still makes for people who drop off. Making a few shalach manos and giving through the shul is still cheaper than making a huge amount.