I'm dealing with infertility. Ask me anything.

amother

Mon, May 20 2013, 6:42 am

amother wrote:

I hope you can help me with this one. my friends sister doesn't have kids yet she's married for about 7 years. when her younger sister got married a few years later she wore something by the wedding that looked like she is in maternity. several people came to ask me if she's pregnant. I said I didn't hear anything. now 7 years later the same thing she comes to the wedding with a maternity looking dress and she's not pregnant. I wanna know can it be that treatments make you look pregnant. I'm not trying to be insensitive just the opposed I wanna understand her.

Cut and paste what I wrote on a different thread,
Quote: "But honestly at this point it makes no difference. People are always going to speculate I can’t stop that."
That's why many times I just stop caring, because there is a limit as to how much I can drive myself meshuga for worry of other people's opinions.
And if I am feeling very hot, I would just wear a very loose fitting top.

So yes, if I fancied a top, I will probably wear it. If I find it in the second hand shops, cos that's where I buy nowadays. Who says I need to wait till pregnancy to wear maternity? Lots of girls don't , so why should I? Only because I am married and need to satisfy family and friends? I don't think so.

Another thing, I have an interesting body proportion, so needing to be tsanua, and wanting to be pretty, I feel free to wear something that satisfies both requirements.

amother

Mon, May 20 2013, 6:46 am

amother wrote:

Oh, and treatment can make someone look pg, as can constipation and good ol' chicken and potatoes. Yum!

amother

Mon, May 20 2013, 6:42 pm

amother wrote:

Cut and paste what I wrote on a different thread,
Quote: "But honestly at this point it makes no difference. People are always going to speculate I can’t stop that."
That's why many times I just stop caring, because there is a limit as to how much I can drive myself meshuga for worry of other people's opinions.
And if I am feeling very hot, I would just wear a very loose fitting top.

get it. but isn't it a bit different by a sister's wedding. it was made for her. and it was a very interesting style.

So yes, if I fancied a top, I will probably wear it. If I find it in the second hand shops, cos that's where I buy nowadays. Who says I need to wait till pregnancy to wear maternity? Lots of girls don't , so why should I? Only because I am married and need to satisfy family and friends? I don't think so.

Another thing, I have an interesting body proportion, so needing to be tsanua, and wanting to be pretty, I feel free to wear something that satisfies both requirements.

amother

Mon, May 20 2013, 6:47 pm

amother wrote:

get it. but isn't it different by your sister's wedding and the dress was made for here. it was a very interesting style. and by sheva brachas she wore

amother

Mon, May 20 2013, 6:51 pm

mandksima wrote:

shabbatiscoming wrote:

mandksima wrote:

I don't know for sure, shabbat. My brother (who adopted) told me that the waiting period was 10 years so that could be some kind of rule or the average length of waiting time. If you want to adopt a baby and not an older child, I think that 10 year wait is usual. Perhaps, if one is willing to adopt an older child who is not as desirable because most want a baby, then their wait is less. I was also told it is very hard to adopt more than one (I guess without waiting another 10 years) unless the adopted child has a sibling that they want to keep together if possible. I really don't ask them questions, this is just what they have told me so definitely double check anything I've said.

I just realized, this is for a domestic (israel) adoption, right?

Yes, everyone who I was talking about lives in Israel. I know nothing about the process outside Israel.

A relative of mine in Israel adopted an 8 month old Jewish, Israeli baby last summer. She is married 7 years and had one bio child shortly after her marriage but then had SIF.

mandksima

Mon, May 20 2013, 11:09 pm

amother wrote:

mandksima wrote:

shabbatiscoming wrote:

mandksima wrote:

I just realized, this is for a domestic (israel) adoption, right?

Yes, everyone who I was talking about lives in Israel. I know nothing about the process outside Israel.

A relative of mine in Israel adopted an 8 month old Jewish, Israeli baby last summer. She is married 7 years and had one bio child shortly after her marriage but then had SIF.

That is great! There could be many reasons for a shorter waiting time. Maybe she had connections??

amother

Mon, May 20 2013, 11:43 pm

amother wrote:

I'm not gonna lie: I'm kind of curious to see which questions people have. So, go for it: what is it that you always wanted to know and would (hopefully) never ask in person?

OK. I'll bite. Whenever I come across someone now who is TTC and suffering from some fertility/hormone issue, I want to suggest diet, exercise and hormone balancing herbs. Have you tried any of these? They work best all together. After years of secondary infertility (since my last child, 13 years ago) this past year I tried this natural approach, and by golly I'm feeling fertile so much so that now I need a BC method (as I feel I'm too old to have a baby now Sad

)

My other insensitive question would be, is this medical or religious based IF? Are you ovulating before you get to the mikva? (BTW, the herbs help with lengthening the cycle, too). I was only able to have one (more) child after I started observing TH the orthodox way. Part of me blames TH (d'rabbonon) for this.

But part of me also blames myself. I had zex addict issues and was told by a kabbalist that women who are not careful with their s-xuality suffer from infertility. To this day, I feel like I killed my own fertility by being a pervert. (After I became frum, I never cheated on my DH, but I did touch self without him, and fantasize of other men during relations.) So, do you think this kabbalist might be right? Or is it just nonesense? I'd really like to know what you think. And about any other 'guilt tripping' thoughts you have.

shabbatiscoming

Mon, May 20 2013, 11:43 pm

mandksima wrote:

shabbatiscoming wrote:

mandksima wrote:

I just realized, this is for a domestic (israel) adoption, right?

Yes, everyone who I was talking about lives in Israel. I know nothing about the process outside Israel.

Of course, I actually just meant non domestic adoption for Israelis, meaning, someone from Israel deciding to adopt from a different country (that is what my husband and I would probably end up doing if we ended up going the adoption route)

ora_43

Tue, May 21 2013, 12:00 am

amother wrote:

fter years of secondary infertility (since my last child, 13 years ago) this past year I tried this natural approach, and by golly I'm feeling fertile so much so that now I need a BC method (as I feel I'm too old to have a baby now Sad

)

What does "feeling fertile" mean? And what makes you so confident in your perception of fertility that you'd recommend what you're doing as a treatment for IF?

grace413

Tue, May 21 2013, 1:52 am

amother wrote:

But part of me also blames myself. I had zex addict issues and was told by a kabbalist that women who are not careful with their s-xuality suffer from infertility. To this day, I feel like I killed my own fertility by being a pervert. (After I became frum, I never cheated on my DH, but I did touch self without him, and fantasize of other men during relations.) So, do you think this kabbalist might be right? Or is it just nonesense? I'd really like to know what you think. And about any other 'guilt tripping' thoughts you have.

Not Op but: total nonsense. There are people who have engaged in s-exual activities outside the boundaries of halacha and had as many children as they wanted. There are people who have constantly observed every halacha and chumra of shomer negia and taharat hamishpacha and have not had children.

It's difficult enough to go through IF without being told it's your own fault.

shabbatiscoming

Tue, May 21 2013, 2:12 am

amother wrote:

Quote:

)

Like the other poster said, what the heck does "feeling fertile" mean?
And you must realize that not everyone's fertility problems are because of hormones and that diet, exercise and herbs can not help everyone. Rolling Eyes

Quote:

Im sorry but this is complete hogwash!!!!!!!!! How can you believe that the cause of your infertility is because you touched self or thought of other men?????????? That is nonsensical. Do you have a dx for the infertility? If so, then this makes even less sense.
I really hate when people say things like this, not you but that kabalist. And I know people who were promiscuous before marriage (not just with one boyfriend, but many many guys) and BH had no problem getting pregnant. I think this is very dangerous what the kabalist said.

amother

Tue, May 21 2013, 8:27 am

amother wrote:

get it. but isn't it different by your sister's wedding and the dress was made for here. it was a very interesting style. and by sheva brachas she wore

Nope. By my sibling's wedding I wore something that could be thought of as maternity. My body's proportions.

How do you know the dress was made for her? What do you care? Maybe she has extra fat by the stomach area for any of quite a few reasons? Maybe she needed it for some other reason?

Interesting style. Hmm. I see quite a lot of weird styles on girls, marrieds and pregnant ladies. So?

Honestly now, do you really believe that people tell the truth? Do you really believe that whatever someone tells you should be taken at face value? Because a lot of times it just aint so.

And I can totally believe why that person doesn't let everyone know exactly what's going on with her. I'd even tell her to take people for a ride. Serves some people right.

amother

Tue, May 21 2013, 8:33 am

amother wrote:

Can I ask a question? I've had three beautiful kids, but I'm having trouble conveiving a fourth time. We've been activley trying for two years.

How do you know when you are ovulating? I always make sure to go to the mikva on time, diligent with how I count the days... how do you know when the right time to try is... any advice?

Start by reading the book " taking charge of your fertility" by toni w.

Beware of books and c.d's you have to pay for, no matter what they promise you

amother

Tue, May 21 2013, 1:45 pm

amother wrote:

I'm not gonna lie: I'm kind of curious to see which questions people have. So, go for it: what is it that you always wanted to know and would (hopefully) never ask in person?

Sorry to tell you, but diet, exercise and herbs are not a cure. You might feel great, but you say you aren't trying to get pregnant so how do you know? Also, one persons experience is not the same for everyone else.

Whatever Kabbalist told you this, well there's a special place down south for that type of person. As if being infertile isn't hard enough people tell you this stupidity.

self-actualization

Tue, May 21 2013, 2:08 pm

To the person who asked about surrogacy: For many years the rabbonim considered the baby carrier the mother when it came to whether the baby was Jewish or not. But now the pendulum is swinging the other way. Assuming you would get a heter for surrogacy, it is likely that your baby would not need to convert.

To the PIF and SIF people with PCOS: I heartily recommend (a) the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility, (b) regular over the counter ovulation tests if they don't test positive all the time due to your hormone levels, (c) taking a multivitamin as well as a calcium pill with magnesium and vitamin D, (d) pilates and other weight based exercises.

shabbatiscoming

Tue, May 21 2013, 2:20 pm

self-actualization wrote:

To the PIF and SIF people with PCOS: I heartily recommend (a) the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility, (b) regular over the counter ovulation tests if they don't test positive all the time due to your hormone levels, (c) taking a multivitamin as well as a calcium pill with magnesium and vitamin D, (d) pilates and other weight based exercises.

DO you have PCOS that you can say that these things work? Every woman with PCOS is different.
If I would have all of the money that I wasted on ovulation tests, boy would I be rich. I learned that I dont ovulate, as do many PCOSers, not all, but many.
What do those specific vitamins do for someone with specifically PCOS?
Why pilates?

amother

Tue, May 21 2013, 2:36 pm

self-actualization wrote:

What exactly are you basing this off of? Personal experience? I wish I could get back the money I spent on those stupid ovulation tests. Get exercise, take vitamins and eat healthily, and guess what I still cant get pregnant without major assistance.

amother

Tue, May 21 2013, 4:50 pm

I know this thread is a little old, but I wanted to try to answer the 2nd and 3rd posts here on the first page. I am NOT the OP, btw, just someone who has struggled with IF for a long time and now have kids, BH.

When I was in the depths of IF treatments, I did not want to talk about it with anyone. I didn't share with anyone (parents, siblings included). I didn't have many side effects, but I know many people do. During the entire time I was infertile, I could not go to a bris or visit anyone at home with a newborn. Seeing people around town who were having their 2nd, 3rd, 4th, while I couldn't have one was devastating. I didn't go to shul a lot and tried to avoid social gatherings. Now that I am past that stage BH, I am able to most things, but I still try not to go to brissim. I probably would have liked someone to talk with, but frankly I wasn't ready to open up at that time and divulge our private problems. HTH