Would you complain about this health visitor (UK) ?

amother

Tue, Apr 23 2013, 6:44 am

B"H I had a baby after a very long wait and IF treatments. My much younger SIL also had a baby less than a month after me. I am a bit sensitive to the issue for lots of reasons but have found it hard to "share the limelight" and have been a bit frustrated by the comments of many family members who gave us gifts saying things like "Well I was getting one for SIL's baby anyway," or "Sorry I'm late with the gift, I wanted to wait for SIL to have her baby so I could get them both together."

I also posted a picture of my baby on FB and tagged my mom in the picture and an aunt commented "I saw [SIL's baby] today, she's beautiful!" Not even a mention of my baby who was the cubject of the pic she was commenting on.

I know it is not apropriate for me to think this way but I just wish people would stop either seeing the 2 babies as a pair or seeing my baby as an "add on" to SIL's baby.

Anyway....

When I took my baby to the health visitor she kept bringing SIL and her baby up. It started when she came to get me from the waiting room, she said "oh my, she looks just like her cousin doesn't she?" and then she told me that my SIL was there today. When I was asking questions, she prefaced at least three answers with "well... as I was telling your SIL earlier..." and when I asked for info on weaning she said "You SIL was asking about that today too. Maybe you could talk to her about it."

I know she didn't mean anything bad by those comments but also don't think it was appropriate for her to continue to bring up my SIL in every other sentence. For sure I am extra sensitive because of the issues I mentioned but aside from the fact that I would like an appointment for my baby to actually be about my baby, what if SIL didn't want me to know she was there today with her baby? Was the HV even allowed to tell me that?

amother

Sun, Apr 28 2013, 5:02 pm

Thanks for your reply!

I never was seeing this HV regularly because I was living in a different area when I had the baby. This happened at my first visit to the new HV when my baby was 4.5 months. My SIL takes her baby every couple of weeks to be weighed but I have a scale at home so don't go for that. I'll have to go back at some point though!

chocolate chips

Sun, Apr 28 2013, 9:01 pm

I would get annoyed too but since you say you have never seen her before, she probably just thinks that since you are related to her other patient you have either been chatting together and asking the same q's or you should know that your sil is going through the same so you can talk.

Does she know your history? and even if she does, she doesn't know it bothers you.

I would wait till the next visit and then just mention to her that you and sil are not that close, or you are close but since you waited so long for a baby you would like your questions answered and not have to go to your sil because, like any normal lady who has been through if, does not want the young new mother to be rubbed in her face!

And yes, you can say that to yuor family as well.

I said it to my sil when she kept talking about my other sils new baby everytime I brought up the subject of my first (it was sils 5th) I just said, very nice but now we are talkin about my baby, not hers.