Lost my work-at-home Fridays

perquacky

Tue, Apr 30 2013, 8:08 am

And I'm so very sad.

Long story short, I started working from home years ago, when I had a different boss and someone else in my department to sort of "job share" with me. I helped her out on Wednesdays; she helped me on Fridays. That coworker is long gone, and the next boss wouldn't allow anyone else to work at home. Still, I made sure that nothing slipped through the cracks for the next five years or so. I'm sure some of my coworkers were a bit jealous, especially the other moms, but I wasn't about to give up what I had.

Until this past Friday, when my type-A-personality boss thought I didn't respond quickly enough to an email she'd sent. Believe me, I took care of the matter with plenty of time to spare. But it wasn't good enough for her. And on Monday, she told me it's not working out, and I have to give up my Fridays.

(Did I mention that she has no husband and no kids?)

With a huge merger happening in the second half of the year, and with cutbacks happening now, how could I argue? Everyone's job is seemingly on the line, and I just can't take unnecessary risks.

Mostly I'll miss seeing my kids in the morning and walking with them to school. (I leave long before they wake up.) I'll miss picking them up from school, and watching them run toward me, each one trying to reach me first to get the first hug. I'll miss baking challah. I'll miss my early morning Costco/Target/supermarket runs. I know how fortunate I've been until now. But trying to figure out how to get everything done in the evenings after work is really getting me down.

I'm out of the house from 6-6. I can't do shopping near where I work (NYC). Those of you with a crazy schedule, when do you find the time to shop and cook? And help your kids with homework? And take them once a week to therapy sessions? And go to the gym? Please don't say Sundays--that's family day. I love Shabbat, but oh, how I wish I could have 2 weekend days to get things done!

self-actualization

Tue, Apr 30 2013, 9:59 am

I feel bad for you. If you really want answers to your questions, and are not just asking rhetorically, then I will tell you. I get home at 7 pm most nights. I work all day on Friday. The Shabbos groceries are delivered and unpacked before I get home on Thursday. I cook most of the food on Thursday night and some on Friday morning (such as chulent). I used to bake challah in batches and freeze it, but now I use the Kinneret brand - I let it rise Thursday night and bake it on Friday morning. I stick it in the oven right before I light candles so we have fresh, hot challah that tastes predictably delicious every week (and looks great too). We entertain fairly often and I think that my food and baked goods are the best out of my peers. I have a number of kids kneina hara but only 1 with homework - he does all the English homework before I get home, with the babysitter, and then we do chumash and kriah together at around 7:30 pm. We also catch up over Shabbos.

Therapy is an issue - I insist that it be done in school because I have no time to shlep anyone around. Regarding the gym - when not pregnant, I have worked out twice a week on my lunch break at a pilates studio near my office. I'm sure it's lovely to go to the gym but I don't understand - weren't you supposed to be working from home? I would go nuts if I found out that my worker was going to the gym when she was supposed to be working. Also, my friends keep reminding me to think strategically - this is the crunch time when you have little kids, but IY"H they will grow up fine and you will still have a great career and income. There's plenty of time for fresh challah and the gym, later.

perquacky

Tue, Apr 30 2013, 10:07 am

self-actualization wrote:

Therapy is an issue - I insist that it be done in school because I have no time to shlep anyone around. Regarding the gym - when not pregnant, I have worked out twice a week on my lunch break at a pilates studio near my office. I'm sure it's lovely to go to the gym but I don't understand - weren't you supposed to be working from home? I would go nuts if I found out that my worker was going to the gym when she was supposed to be working.

Thanks, S-A. Therapy is done in school AND after school. Sadly, what my kids get in school is not enough. And I never went to the gym on Fridays. I would leave the house with dh at 5 am, 4 days a week, to hit the gym in the city before work. But that's just not happening anymore. Most of the HW gets done before I get home, except for some of the Ivrit HW. Mostly it's the special projects and additional school things that get to me. (Mommy, I need oaktag; poster board; library books; snacks for a party--and I need it tomorrow.)

I've never tried having groceries delivered, but I guess it's an option I can look into. I just can't imagine having someone else pick my produce for me.

self-actualization

Tue, Apr 30 2013, 10:08 am

Actually I forgot to mention a recent trick that I have been using. I have been working a little longer during the week (taking a shorter lunch, etc) and getting home at 6 on Thursdays. However I pay the babysitter until 7 and she plays with the kids in the basement while I get ALL of the food up. I am happy to hear the kids having a great time with her, so I feel reassured that the arrangement is okay. In that 1 hour, I put up: chicken soup, regular chicken (with sauce), my sweet kugel (apple or butternut squash) and I grate the potatoes and put up the potato kugel. That way I feel like a human being when the babysitter leaves and I can interact nicely with the kids. It's hard to cook and give the kids attention at the same time. If I bake, I do it later when the kids are already asleep. Chulent and challah are done on Friday morning, and chicken cutlets are fried fresh when I get home on Friday afternoon. Salad and fruit salad are cut up on Friday afternoon. Same with jello if it will be served - it's prepared close to Shabbos.

perquacky

Tue, Apr 30 2013, 10:10 am

ElTam wrote:

I would start looking for a new job, quietly and discretely. I just lost my Fridays off also. It's a hard adjustment. (I do get to leave by 1 on most Fridays, which I know is a huge bracha.)

I wish I could, but in this economy, I'm fortunate to have the job I have. Plus, I work at the biggest and the best publishing company in the world (no joke). The other benefits I receive can't be beat.

And what new employer would offer me Fridays at home?

self-actualization

Tue, Apr 30 2013, 10:16 am

One more reply - I am a little hyper from my Starbucks coffee today so I am being very talkative. It's much harder to have the day at home and then lose the privilege. I never had the luxury so I have been sweating it out consistently all these years. I am sure that if I had a part-time gig or even a day to work from home and then lost it, I would be really miserable! (It's like - I was okay living in my apartment, and moving to a house was a luxury. But at this point, moving back into an apartment would be a really tough thing to do ... Similar concept).

vicki

Tue, Apr 30 2013, 10:24 am

I keep Sundays free for family as well.
I do my best to do all laundry during weekday evenings.
I shop for Shabbat on Tuesdays during my lunch hour when I had access to a fridge/freezer at work or late in the evening after kids are in bed.
I baked and made kugels Wed after kids are in bed.
I made main dishes, set table for Shabbat - Thurs after kids are in bed.

I showered, bathed kids, set up food to warm up and lit candles Friday soon after coming home from work.

I also cooked dinner for the next night so that when we all got home from school/day care/work I just popped something into the microwave or a quick warm up in the oven.
This way I had evenings for the kids. Reviewed homework, bathed, read together, chatted over our days.

Not every day was great. I always felt like I was juggling too many balls and one false move and they all come tumbling. Sick or tantrumy kids (or Mom) could throw off my balancing act.

Mrs Bissli

Tue, Apr 30 2013, 7:19 pm

Another Fridays and erev yomtov full-time worker with frequent 12hr+ work here.
OP, I hear you. What can I say--thank goodness it's not winter yet!

* Cooking: I do menu planning Tue, get groceries Wed. Groery shopping is either order online, or hit the supermarket late at night, though actually I find it better to order online as fresh produce shelves get depleted late at night. I start cooking on Wed night, esp meat, soup and starch where cooking in advance improves flavour/make it easy to skim off fat. I get home 1hr before shabbat in winter, 2hrs before in summer, so pretty much everything needs to be cooked by Thurs, which is a late night/early morning for me, depending on how much company I have (which is pretty frequent). There're enough bakeries here, I'm not a great challah maker, so I don't bake challot (focusing on my core competence, in corporate lingo) unless it's for very special occasions.

* Homework/appointments/laundry: ask DH and/or babysitter/nannies (ie. outsource for efficient use of resources, in corporate lingo). I do conference call from work to check on the children's homework (after 5). Missing kids in the mornings and the evenings are tough but my kids are old enough so we communicate leaving messages on stick-it pads. Yup, I *HATE* when schools send out memo for something that needs to be done the following day! Exploding anger

* Gym: hmmm one department I fail miserably. I gotta prioritise my life. I do need sleep more than workout, I must confess.

Corporate environment can be rather unforgiving esp when companies are looking for reasons to sack people. It can be rather nasty, (been there done that) but it would hopefully pass. Meanwhile keep up the good work, fly below radar, and pray you'll get a more reasonable boss. Perseverence is a virtue. (Btw boss's marital status really doesn't determine whether he/she is a meany. I've seen my fair share of mean married female bosses--it's actually much harder to argue because she KNOWS challenges of balancing childcare responsbilities and work).

The Happy Wife

Tue, Apr 30 2013, 9:00 pm

perquacky wrote:

Thanks again for your supportive words.

Maybe I should start drinking coffee--it might help!

~~I don't think~~ My house definitely does not function without me having coffee. It's almost 9 pm and I'm having coffee now so that I can exercise, clean, and prepare food for tomorrow. It just don't happen without coffee

.

I'm so sorry that you lost your Fridays. Definitely try getting groceries delivered (and some coffee).

farm

Wed, May 01 2013, 1:56 pm

I am really too jealous that you used to have Fridays work at home to give you much support! Kind of kidding, but if you were running Costco/BJs, etc on Fridays and I was your boss, I might be annoyed even though I know that you spend time shmoozing with co-workers and not being productive every minute when you are at work.
Practically, you will be fine and all the previous posters have told you. Double or triple every kugel and freeze so that you are not making everything for Shabbos every week. Make 5lbs of challa at a time (make dough motzei shabbos, braid sunday morning and bake sunday afternoon) or put the ingredients in a bread machine every friday morning, press the "dough" setting, and braid and pop in the oven when you come home before shabbos. Make sure your kids' teachers understand that you need more than 1 day notice if your kid is shabbos abba or if you need to send in nosh for a siyum (I have found that the preschool teachers are really good with this, it's the older grades where the kid comes home and NEEDS something for tomorrow. We recently sent a bag of popcorn kernals from the pantry and our air popper to school with our kid for a siyum since we only buy individual sized snack bags routinely, and it was a huge hit). You will figure it out and you will be fine. Sorry about the difficult boss, it stinks.