difficult DD | Imamother

staten islander

Sat, May 18 2013, 11:55 pm

I need help from more experienced mothers.Please let me know what you suggest.Here is the situation.

Our oldest child, 10 yo DD, is physically a very beautiful child.She is also incredibly smart, does well academically and is musically very gifted. Socially,its a different story.
At home, she is the oldest and needs the most attention. She is well behaved for the most part but has recently started to talk back with smart alack comments. For example, tonight I told her to go to bed and , when I checked in her room, she was still up. I told her that she should have gone to sleep already like I said and that she will lose 15 mins of video time tomm for not having done so. DD went downstairs to get some water and said to me:"Oh, wait, am I allowed to get water or do you want me to get dehydrated" in a very snooty tone and then stomped upstairs. What is the appropriate reaction to this? In our house, we consider it chutzpa and take away privileges.
DD also doesn't like when her siblings are in the spotlight.If we compliment them, she immediately asks to be complimented too. She is also huge drama queen and exaggerates a lot. My Dh and I are calm, loving people and we want to help her be a less needy, less dramatic girl that doesn't need the constant spotlight. neither of us comes from large families so we need parenting help

Imogen

Sun, May 19 2013, 4:32 am

Sounds so familiar!!

10 is very young, As she growns up and answers back or is being dramatic the trick is whenever poss ( not so easy!) to ignore or minimise attention given to her, whilst if openly cheeky then yes if necessary condemn that behaviour. If you can teach a beauitful and bright person to learn to enjoy the achievements or praise of others you will also be teaching them to be truly confident, inside where it counts, so becoming generous to allow others to have their family limelight too. Took me quite a long time, I am an only child and have B"H quite a lot kids, hard work but really worth the effort, and also helps girls cope with teenage competition. Now my girls are big and they have learnt to value themselve enough to allow others to be praised or need time too, a lot of time we had to counteract the praise and gushing words of school or friends, yes it is nice to get a compliment, but too much attention for looks or academic work and not enough focus on social acts of consideration can be detrimental. The world outsdie is very shallow based on looks or grades etc, BUT she is your DD and you love her and will keep her grounded.

hop613

Sun, May 19 2013, 6:52 am

No teenagers here yet, but one thing stood out to me in your post--

I think as your DD moves into teenage years, you may have to shift focus in your parenting. It's not so much about the little things anymore. I don't really think you can force a 10 year old to go to sleep. If she is quiet in her room, and not bothering anyone, I don't think there is much you can do. IMO that is not worth the power struggle. Chutzpah should definitely be addressed, but not sure how you do that with tweens and teens...I'm still buried under the toddler years.