Pls help my daughter

amother

Sun, Jun 30 2013, 12:01 pm

M dd age just completed first grade and it was a disaster. She didnt keep up in any english subject. Her reading is very bad, she is behind in math and on top of that has an attitude problem.

I was hoping to tutor her over the summer and have her catch up, but its the second week into vacation and we accomplished zero.

Whenever I get out the books, her eyes glaze over and she gets the scowl on her face. I tried doing some math and light reading today but she refuses to cooperate. All she wants to do is play. She is in daycamp all day long, so we really have very limited time to study. I set aside sunday, but she is so turned off by schoolwork and she puts up a fuss.

How can I motivate her to do better? How can I help her catch up?

Any practical ideas?

NYmommy

Sun, Jun 30 2013, 12:16 pm

I am currently doing the same thing with dd who just finished 1st grade. I printed out fun math sheets, like u add up few examples then the kid colors the answers and then she'll see a picture. Reading we do short kid friendly books etc. I try the whole 'session' shouldn't take longer than half hour, plus I do it only on sundays so its not that much. If she does all her work without complaining much she can play some video games for a while. Works for my dd B'H.

Dolly Welsh

Sun, Jun 30 2013, 12:19 pm

Another school.

Nobody alerted you she wasn't getting an education?

The first education is to like education.

We do not need to pay good money to have our children learn to scowl at a book.

Maybe the camp can help; talk to the director. It would have to be a general story-telling time for all the kids, not a tutor time just for her; that's too personal and remedial.

All people crave stories. A kid whose imaginative needs are being met from radio, tv, electronics, will have less need to read a book to get a story.

Read her stories at bed time; let her cuddle and sleep right with a favorite book no matter how babyish. Do not put it down as babyish.

Talk to your pediatrician too.

Be seen reading YOURSELF and having a huge good time doing it. "Oh! This is so funny! This is so interesting!"

Subscribe to National geographic and many fasciating children's magazines. Just leave them lying sround, all over. Say nothing about them.

It's one thing if a child is slow, that can pass, but if she has been taught to hate learning, that's another matter.

imasinger

Sun, Jun 30 2013, 12:39 pm

Great advice on this thread. Yes, RUN and get her evaluated, and find out if there is a better setting for her in 2nd grade.

I do summer learning with my kids. Here's how I work it.

Only maximum of 20 minutes, before or after camp.

Five subjects -- math, reading, writing, kria, k'siva. Kid chooses one per day M-Th, and free choice on Sunday. On Shabbos, we read a bit together where I do the bulk for my 7 year old, and give him a bit to do.

The "mommy school" is mandatory, but you get a reward at the end of each lesson (sticker or treat), plus lots of praise.

I bought some fun workbooks for reading, writing, and math, and also come up with as many ways as I can to make it fun. We incorporate it all into everything we do. Math is easy to structure into playtime!

amother

Sun, Jun 30 2013, 1:30 pm

Thank you for all your practical suggestions.

We did have her tested. I took her to a nuerologist who diagnosed her with severe ADHD. His only recomendation was medication. (he felt that every other therapy was a waste). After that we had her tested by a non proffessional and he diagnosed auditory processing disorder. We signed her up for Fast Forward (which she does every morning from 6:00-6:45. ) In addiotion, we took her to a vision clinic who diagnosed her with a focusing problem and we take her once a week for vision therapy. At this point I feel like each proffessional gives their opionin based on that which he/she does.

I am in brooklyn. Is there any place you would recommend to get a global evaluation?

Imasinger that was very practical advice. Only question is how do we do this without the schooling part? She is so turned off by anything school related.

I read to her 2 books every day at bedtime. We use the library plenty.

I feel so bad for her, only 7 and already cynical.

amother

Sun, Jun 30 2013, 1:32 pm

NYmommy wrote:

Did you buy these math sheets or find them online?

NYmommy

Sun, Jun 30 2013, 2:24 pm

amother wrote:

NYmommy wrote:

Did you buy these math sheets or find them online?

Online, just googled fun math sheets for 1st grade. There are some sites that make u pay but some are free.

imasinger

Sun, Jun 30 2013, 3:37 pm

For math, you could play with put togethers, dice, coins, the like. If you tell us what you want to do with her (addition and subtraction?), and her current ability level, we can suggest games. Like, go to the ice cream store, figure the cost of adding a topping, and then she can earn the topping.

For reading, give her the shopping list to read to help you when you are in the store.

Make words in a pan with shaving cream, whipped cream, cream cheese, what you will.

Make a treasure hunt with clues that she can read and a prize at the end.

Make sure when reading with her to get her plenty of books below her current challenge level, so as to build confidence.

Find someone to be a pen pal, and share the work of writing short notes.

Are any of these things that might appeal?

sneakermom

Sun, Jun 30 2013, 9:20 pm

I would want to understand her learning style better. Her learning strengths and weaknesses. There are professionals out there that test kids for this.

Also I would start really easy. Give her a feeling of success. Forget what she doesn't know, review what she knows. This will help her come out of her state of learned helplessness which is necessary in order for her to want to learn.

And in general reflect back to her anything she accomplishes on a daily basis. Don't compliment just notice.
"I see you lined up all the cars near the wall". "I see you drew the picture of the house and the cat with the color pink, purple and blue", "You prepared the negal vasser, thank you!"

Do that until she internalizes the concept that she can "do". That she can accomplish and be competent.

And then any additional learning that you will add on in a week or two should be disguised as fun. Very important.

imasinger

Sun, Jun 30 2013, 9:38 pm

What sneakermom said is really great, and very important. Over time, it can make for a huge change in attitude.

For two digit addition and subtraction, you can start to sneak in learning by commenting out loud any time you do it. "Let's see, we need to leave for camp at 8:50, and it's 8:25 now. 50-25 is 25, so we have 25 minutes left before we leave." "Hmm, I need to make sure we will have enough bananas for everyone. There are 9 in the bunch, so how many in our family will want them? What if Tattie wants 2?"

Then, include it in play and conversation, but subtly. "Oh, you're making a house with Clics? I have 10 blue pieces for you, how many will you need?" "You know, I was thinking of buying you some new markers for next year. Your case will hold 20, I think, and you have 6 from last year? What size package should I buy?" "Wow, you have a lot of bath toys! Let's make sure there are no more than 10 in the tub. How many will you have to give to me? Let's count and see."

Then, when she is in the car and bored, offer her the opportunity to do two or three easy math problems (no more than that until she buys in, and always stop before she has fully lost interest) and win a prize. She will probably balk, so ask her what is 1+1. Keep them absurdly simple until she adjusts and is eager, then VERY SLOWLY make it more challenging.

Barbara

Sun, Jun 30 2013, 10:03 pm

HUGS.

You're doing it all right. But that doesn't make it easier for you, or for her.

For math, does she have a toy cash register? You can play store. She can count things, add, subtract, use play money, etc. And its not worksheets or school things. You can also play board games, counting spaces, etc. Have her help you get things to cook. ("I think that the grown ups will want 2 pieces of corn, and everyone else will want 1. Can you help me figure out how many we need?") At the playground. (I will push you on hte swings 4 times. OK, I will push you 3 more. How many is that?) Even games kike Candyland where you count the number of squares.

For reading, reading to her, and having her help read to you, is great. Have he rhelp you pick out things at the store (get me the Breakstone butter.)

If you have a store like Lakeshore Learning near you, check it out. They have fun games and activities that help kids with math and reading.

Putting on a different hat ...

She needs to have a comprehensive psych-ed evaluation The DOE is required to do it, on your request, but they don't do a good job. Still, you'll need that for an IEP. ask around in your community for recommendations. You also need to sit down with her school, and talk to them about the plan for next year.

seeker

Sun, Jun 30 2013, 10:03 pm

amother wrote:

What do you mean a nonprofessional diagnosed her with APD? A nonprofessional can't diagnose anything.
I think if you're already doing daily Fast ForWord plus vision therapy, you need to step back for a bit and give those a chance to work while you focus more on building up her positive experiences. Because a first grader who is having such a hard time in school can't be called an "attitude problem." You would also have an "attitude problem" if you stank at everything you were supposed to do. If anything school-related is turning her off, you are definitely doing the right thing by having professionals take care of the underlying problem and now your most important job has to be turning her back on. Play up her strengths. If you can mix in math concepts or such, fine, but don't push it or as you've already noticed she'll turn off again.

I'm not clear on whether she's been evaluated by an educational psychologist, but that's what I would hope. Also hope you've had her hearing tested, just to be sure, and asked the audiologist to include auditory processing in the testing (they don't always do this by default, but an audiologist is the one who should be diagnosing that kind of thing.)

amother

Mon, Jul 01 2013, 9:07 am

I understand the issue and I would be anxious as well to catch up one of my children.

But from a different angle, (I can imagine what my parents would have/have done previously...)

Your daughter is doing the fast forward program already. Also I think its a good idea to sneak in learning skills into various everyday activities- like paying the shop keeper, spliting sweets up equally between siblings or friends etc.
Also you can take her to educational museums that have hands on programs for kids to learn different skills. There are even camps aimed at helping kids academically.

But apart from that, she clearly has a hard time at school and is also showing that in her behaviour... I would focus on finding something she is really good at, in the holidays, and go full on in that area. eg. If she likes acting- get friends together and make a play for all the mothers to come and see. If she likes swimming, enter her into swimming competitions. etc.
Shower her with acceptance, love and knowledge that she is excellent in SOME area of her life.
With self esteem, she may still not be doing well in school, but she might be able to cope with it better. And know she has strengths in other areas.

I struggled in some areas in school- but I was GREAT in the school plays, and do you know what- accompanying my report at the end of one year, I got all the 'attitude, bad grades' etc. But on the FRONT page was a note from the headteacher saying that, although I needed to work on areas pointed out in the report, she saw me in the school play- and I was GREAT!

It didnt solve any problems, but I knew my parents believed in me, and that I WAS good at some things. (Just not work LOL

)

Also I would continue to do whatever you find she is good at, once school has started again. It may end up the only place she feels comfortable, happy, and could help her in what she ultimately decides to do later down the line.