my child always thinks other kids are bothering him

amother

Mon, Jul 15 2013, 8:49 am

why are other kids always bothering my child? ds comes home from day camp telling me (second grader) that the other boys are making fun of the way he plays sports. the boys on the bus think he is annoying.
ds is a nice, sweet, sensitive, very bright, caring boy. adults LOVE talking to him! my child excels academically, he follows rules at school. he has best friends, but how come either camp or school their is someone who always bothers him? he does not have a thick skin, and I used to think that some of the boys were really not nice. I still think that's true but I'm starting to think that this is my son's issue. I'm very worried.

Emotional

Mon, Jul 15 2013, 9:57 am

This sounds like my 10-year-old daughter.
Have him evaluated for sensory processing issues.
DD often would complain that this one or that one is bothering her, when usually it was benign and unintentional. Seeing her over-react, kids would see an opportunity for entertainment, and really start to chepper.
Sensory processing disorders can make a child over-respond to stimuli. Look into it.

chani8

Mon, Jul 15 2013, 10:02 am

For some kids, this is their way of making conversation and trying to get your attention.

Trust that unless he's really being bullied by one particular kid, that it's normal.

And then, give him attention and listen to his problems and give him a hug. Don't try to fix it or give him advice.

The book "How to talk so kids will listen. . ." might be good here.

That's what I think so far, since he sounds fairly normal socially.

mommy12345

Mon, Jul 15 2013, 10:55 am

Firstly, the fact that adults LOVE talking to him doesn't mean he does well in social situations around friends. Usually the children that relate well to adults don't always relate well to other children, it is really 2 different things.
Give him the skills to stand up for himself- tell him to walk away, laugh back in their faces, and say something sharp back to them. This will empower him to stand up for himself and not feel like "other kids are bothering him." Give him the confidence to feel that he is worth it and should not just tolerate whatever the other boys do to him.

amother

Mon, Jul 15 2013, 11:31 am

This sounds like my son as well. He's a highly sensitive child. I did buy a book called "the highly sensitive child" which does give some tools and tips to the parents. You'll understand more about sensory processing disorder and how to deal with your child. I worked very hard this year to get my son approved for OT and he will be getting counseling this year in school. You probably should talk to his teacher and then see what therapies you can get him approved for. Good luck.

mamacita

Mon, Jul 15 2013, 11:47 am

Emotional wrote:

Wow, I opened this thread because it sounded so much like my LO, and your post made me google sensory processing disorder.

http://www.spdfoundation.net/symptoms.html

There are so many things I could check on that list, not all, but enough that I'm thinking I should speak to my pediatrician. Thanks so much!

amother

Tue, Jul 16 2013, 11:37 am

op here- I read the spd checklist and I cannot check off even one on that list. maybe, maybe one thing on a bad day. ds does not have spd and he is not on the spectrum, either. he is very intuitive and sensitive kid. he reads body language just fine and he understand nuances. He is the first to realize that someone is upset, and go over to them, and try to help them. the rebbe told me that there once was a boy that was complaining that no one wanted to play with him and he had no friends, and ds overheard this and said what are you talking about? I'm ur friend and played with him for the whole recess. he is very into following the rules and listening to the rebbe or teacher or counselor. it bothers him greatly to see kids disobeying or hurting another child's feelings. he is the first one to speak up if another kid is bothering someone else. but there is a flip side to this. the same way he is so sensitive to others feelings, he is sensitive to his own feelings. very sensitive. he comes home complaining if he sees injustice or boys acting out because it bothers him terribly. he also gets into arguments with ppl. if he feels things are not 100% correct he argues and doesn't let go and let live. he had a discussion about science with some kid. ds felt that what he said wasn't 100% right so he felt the need to "correct" him. he just doesn't let go. I think that's when other kids get annoyed with him. ds makes me very nervous. he has so many wonderful qualities. but they need to be tempered. I just don't know what to do with him.

also about his intuitive behavior- when he is in a cuckoo mood, he always knows what pushes my buttons the most to upset me.

ROFL

Tue, Jul 16 2013, 12:14 pm

My dd is very much the same, her principal told me that she has the wounded bird syndrome. She is always there to help the underdog and that hurts her on the social level , where people associated her with the nebs of the class. I told him I am glad that she is sensitive and nice to everyone and that is a chesed and a positive Mida that I want her to have.
Unfortunate that it did ruin her social life but she has a few good and real freinds and she still helps the underdog !
I ve her sensitivity to others and she makes a wonderful daughter and a true freind. But high school was tough or her !

granolamom

Tue, Jul 16 2013, 6:43 pm

chani8 wrote:

I opened this thread because I have a child like this, and I think this is great advice.

Although I do think it's sometimes more than attention seeking because he will sometimes come home in real years over something most kids would let roll right off their backs.