Should a 12 year old have their own computer?

ImaInIsrael

Thu, Aug 29 2013, 2:17 pm

My 12 year old son has been trying to convince me to let him have his own computer (as, apparently, all of his friends do) but which I'm adamantly against because I know that he'll then spend all of his free time playing games and watching videos.

As of now each of my kids are allowed an hour on the computer a day, and I know exactly what they are watching or playing. My son has never showed any inclination to do anything inappropriate on the computer, so that's not too much of a concern for me right now. He also likes to use the computer to research information about animals and science, which I encourage, but I suspect that more time would be spent playing video games than on anything educational.

So I'm curious as to why parents feel that kids of this age should have their own computers and if they have set rules or guidelines for their kids computer use.

notshanarishona

Thu, Aug 29 2013, 2:25 pm

Why on earth would a 12 year old need his own computer?!
Seems like a complete waste of $ and will just lead to bad things.
I can understand a child in high school who needs it to do work but to buy his own computer just for entertainment purposes seems pretty silly to me.

doctorima

Thu, Aug 29 2013, 2:29 pm

notshanarishona wrote:

This.

ImaInIsrael

Thu, Aug 29 2013, 2:49 pm

notshanarishona wrote:

Well that's what I'm wondering. Some of my son's friends even have their own tablets, which seems outrageous to me but Israelis seem pretty casual about giving their kids expensive gadgets.
We actually do have a spare working computer so it's not an issue of the cost but it just seems completely unnecessary to me, though I'm curious why other parents might feel differently.

Tamiri

Thu, Aug 29 2013, 2:51 pm

Kids have their own TVs. Kids have their own smart phones. Kids have their own computers/tablets/you name it.
YOU need to decide what is right for YOUR kids. You indulge what you want, other parents indulge what THEY want. Not up to us to figure it out.

mha3484

Thu, Aug 29 2013, 3:15 pm

I got a computer for my bas mitzvah from my grandparents. (really I was 13). I did not have internet access until much later. TBH, I had enough school work towards the end of 7th grade and the following year in 8th grade that it was a good investment. Trying to write a research paper while the rest of the family also wants to use the computer can become impractical.

Inspire

Thu, Aug 29 2013, 3:29 pm

No. A big mistake, as the usage will start out parve and quickly escalate to all kinds of problems. That said, the defense against this needed to begin with the type of school the child is enrolled in. If "all" the other kids are getting their own computers and devices, denying it to your child when he wants the same will probably engender resentment , and using his friends computers without parental knowledge or permission.

amother

Thu, Aug 29 2013, 3:53 pm

This is a real issue. Even if you trust your 12 year old, his friends may tell him to check out this or that site. They also may email very inappropriate pictures or jokes. You need to put precautions into place so that you can have access to his email. And you need a good filter.
The FBI guidelines recommend that a computer with internet access be in a shared part of the house and NOT in a kids room. Also 1 hour every day is a lot if it is a school night, don't you think? My rule is no computer or videos on weeknights (except sometimes Thursday night if no HW).
I would be very thoughtful about this, and tell your ds that you are looking into the safety issues of this.
Eventually he may have his own smartphone, and then you will have less control, but at 12 you still want him very much protected.
Consider a second laptop which is in the living room that he can go on to do his thing. At 12 you can also explain some of the issues to him, that there are very inappropriate things on the internet that you want to protect him from - online predators in chatrooms, gambling, untznius sites, etc.

see Venishmartem for much more info.

also one more push for my parents Yahoo group for online safety for our kids: Very Happy

email internetsafety4kids-subscribe@yahoogroups.com for an invite.

etky

Thu, Aug 29 2013, 4:17 pm

Our kids share a desktop computer in a room (used to be the 'toy room') off the kitchen. They have to negotiate between themselves who gets it and when and if there's a problem DH or I intervene and decide who gets it and for how long. My oldest is a senior in high school and she's managed so far just fine on the shared computer. The rule in our house is that none of the kids are allowed their own computer, smart phone, tablet, ipad, etc. until they're 18. So far this has worked for us - DD will be turning 18 in a few months and will probably get a smartphone for her birthday. We are aware that we're pushing our luck as far as the younger kids are concerned since all the above are becoming more ubiquitous. We will probably have to become a bit more flexible as this type of technology becomes even more pervasive and indispensable. Still, we've managed to hold out this far, beyond our original expectations, despite the fact that most of our kids' peers do have these devices. The kids understand very well why we don't want them to have these things and though they do grumble I think they respect our decision and accept that it is for their own good. I also think that deep down they respect us for sticking to our guns about something we feel strongly about. I think it is a good example of the exercise of parental authority that hopefully they will draw upon when they themselves are parents.

amother

Thu, Aug 29 2013, 4:30 pm

Why is the thought of a computer inherently bad? Why are you mentioning guidelines from the FBI? It's all so extreme.

You know that computers are capable of a lot more than games and internet surfing, right?

My kid has been curious about computers for years and now at the age of 17 he has started his own business where he imports merchandise from China and resells it. As well, he designs corporate logos and is developing his own line of cell phone cases. The computer has been his outlet for creativity and has helped develop an entrepreneurial streak. He also wants to take an online course to teach him programming so he can write his own apps.

While your fears come from a place of caring, in this day and age by not exposing your kids to computers at increasingly younger ages they will be far behind others their age.

Concern is necessary and OK, but outright fear and creating an idea in your kid's head that computers and the internet are bad is not the way to go.

Mrs Bissli

Thu, Aug 29 2013, 4:59 pm

1. Does he NEED it, or does he just WANT it? Meaning, does he get so much homework that need to be done on computer?

2. "Everyone" in his class has it doesn't mean he can have one. It's definitely NOT everyone (because OP's son does not).

3. If there's a good case he deserves one (ie. he is mature enough, you can install internet filter, he demonstrated enough restraints he won't be spending all time playing games, and there's a legit use for it for school work or learning), let him earn at least a part of the cost.

4. Does he have other gadget that allows internet connection? It's relevant for me personally. My pre-teen DD NEEDS to have a smart phone, as she goes to school on her own using public transportation and she needs to be able to check if trains/buses are running as scheduled. It is a bit tricky because I haven't found a way to block/filter websites on a smartphone.

amother

Thu, Aug 29 2013, 5:15 pm

I would consider getting another computer and putting it also in a public space. That prevents the fighting over computers when someone really needs it.
Video games are very addictive. I have an 18 year old who spends hours playing, but at that age I can't exactly tell him to stop.

JAWSCIENCE

Thu, Aug 29 2013, 8:25 pm

ImaInIsrael wrote:

notshanarishona wrote:

This is very off topic, but is the tablet more expensive in Israel than the computer? Here to get ipad mini for instance would be cheaper than most computers.

And no I would not give in to the "need" for ones own computer at age 12 either unless there was an actual reason he needed one. An actual reason being something other than "my friends have them".

amother

Thu, Aug 29 2013, 11:05 pm

It is a bit tricky because I haven't found a way to block/filter websites on a smartphone.[/quote]

The issue with a smartphone is more than just filtering the websites, but for that I believe there are solutions on venishmartem (see post above)

Other things teens can get into trouble with is texting inappropriately, taking embarrassing pictures and sending them, and cyberbullying.

Ever heard of Snapchat? It's very popular now with teens. it sends a text or picture that only lasts a few seconds, then disappears. Great for all sorts of pranks. But there are apps to get around the disappearing part. Google it!

- internet safety 4 kids group owner

amother

Thu, Aug 29 2013, 11:11 pm

My 7 year old has a tablet. We put it on this special kid screen so he can only access what we have downloaded for him unless we enter a password.

I think it's such a great tool in this day and age. (It was recommended by both his teachers and his OT therapist that we get it for him).

amother

Fri, Aug 30 2013, 2:14 am

I teach in a secular Jewish school 7th grade and most if not all kids have smart phones and tablets.
The amount of [filth] that is watched during break is unbelievable.
And even the nice sweet kids will sometimes do things that would surprise you on the Internet.
( kids are allowed smart phones and tablets in school cuz we use them in class and are in the process of switching from textbook classrooms to iPad classrooms instead)
( please excuse typos and grammar typing from my smart phone Smile

)
Anon cuz some people irl know me and my students.