I slap my children sometimes

amother

Thu, Oct 03 2013, 10:30 am

I occasionally slap my children for discipline. I try not to but sometimes I feel that slapping is the only way they get the message that what they did is really unacceptable. I always feel guilty for slapping a child based on what I read and hear from people that it's a bad thing do. I save the slaps for the really bad things they do. I don't slap often. Am I evil? Please tell me what I'm doing is not so bad.

mummiedearest

Thu, Oct 03 2013, 10:41 am

do you think about it before you slap every time? if you get into the habit of slapping without evaluating the situation, you need to work on calming down. if you have set rules about when slapping is appropriate and how you slap, it can be ok. I'm not telling you it's fine because I don't know the details.

causemommysaid

Thu, Oct 03 2013, 10:44 am

I only hit when my children do something dangerous like run in the street, run away from me, or open the front door to a stranger without permission.

Otherwise its time out in the corner

imasoftov

Thu, Oct 03 2013, 10:58 am

amother wrote:

No, I can't tell you that.

Mirabelle

Thu, Oct 03 2013, 11:08 am

I've never EVER hit any of my children. Yes, there have been plenty of times where I want to and possibly think that the situation warranted it...but what stops me is the idea that if I hit my kids I am teaching them that it's ok with deal with issues by using violence.

I'm sure that others will disagree with me, but this is just our family approach.

FranticFrummie

Thu, Oct 03 2013, 12:32 pm

I found that the best way to avoid potching or hitting is to stop yelling. Yelling every day just numbs them to your voice, and then you find you have to hit in order to get them to listen.
Director

If you keep your voice low and level, they will be forced to pay attention to you if they want to hear what you have to say.

When you yell, it will be such a shock to them, that you'll grab their attention immediately. They'll know that you mean serious business and stop in their tracks - out of sheer curiosity if nothing else. That will give you time to reel them back in.

Soul on fire

Thu, Oct 03 2013, 4:55 pm

I don't think you are evil but I do think you are wrong for doing it. I think of it like this...what if whenever I did something wrong, or that my husband or some authority figure didn't like, they came over and slapped me? That would be awful and inhumane. My children deserve to be treated with respect and not physical punishment unless truly warranted (and I can't think of a good reason to warrant it at the moment.)
Children are small but they are people, they deserve that respect, IMO.

ValleyMom

Thu, Oct 03 2013, 7:03 pm

dis·ci·pline (ds-pln)
n.
1. Training expected to produce a specific character or pattern of behavior, especially training that produces moral or mental improvement.

2. Controlled behavior resulting from disciplinary training; self-control.

When you slap your child what are you teaching them? What are they learning?

the practical purpose of DISCIPLINE is to TEACH your child a different behavior.

For example:
If your child colors on the wall or floor slapping them will not CHANGE their behavior.
Having him/her scrub their drawing off the wall or floor will teach them a practical lesson.

If your child leaves his/her bike out in the rain what will s/he learn by slapping them?
The natural consequence is His/Her bike is rusted and ruined. That's a stronger lesson than a slap.

Any time you want to reach out and slap you need to pause and think "What is a better way to teach my child a lesson?"

If you have any questions feel free to PM me. The only lesson a child learns through physical punishment are negative.

ValleyMom

Thu, Oct 03 2013, 7:06 pm

Obviously my suggestion does nOT apply when your child is engaginmg in dangerous behavior like setting tissues on fire and dropping them in the toilet or running into the street without looking to chase a stray ball or opening the front door and running down the block because s/he is angry. There are other ways to deal with those types of behavior. They too do NOT involve slapping.

amother

Thu, Oct 03 2013, 7:07 pm

I send them to their room when I want to give a potch. my kids hate going to their room. I hate making them go to their room. But it's better they get a break, I get a break, and no one gets potched.

amother

Thu, Oct 03 2013, 7:21 pm

ValleyMom wrote:

What is your child "learning" when she is sent to his/her room?
?

you have a better suggestion? then please suggest.
a better question would be: what kind of behavior warrants sending a child to their room in your home?

Sometimes my kids get cuckoo and then start hitting and kicking one another. sometimes it does get frustrating- and I really feel like I want to give a potch- but that would be pretty ironic, huh?! anyway, sending them to their room doesn't teach them a darn thing. but it does give them a chance to cool off and STOP the behavior in the then and now. discussion time can come later. but it gives us a chance to break from cuckoo behavior. is that so odd????

bamamama

Fri, Oct 04 2013, 1:00 am

amother wrote:

ValleyMom wrote:

What is your child "learning" when she is sent to his/her room?
?

I, too, want to potch sometimes. I the past I have potched. Now I don't. Read Gordon Neufeld. Watch his videos on youtube. I give "time in" instead of time out. I've written about it in other threads. That said, if things are to a point where you physically need a break to avoid potching, certainly sending a kid to his/her room is not the worst thing in the world provided you use the time to calm down and then deal with the situation (I.e. you don't use it as a punishment).

amother

Fri, Oct 04 2013, 1:46 am

When Shlomo Hamelech said He who spares the rod hates his child it means firm and loving disciplining. The old school was all for beating up kids-they realized how damaging it was. Loving kind words accomplish

chani8

Fri, Oct 04 2013, 2:37 am

Slapping is never ok. Ever.

I can't imagine there ever being a need to slap someone. Hold them down, physically direct them to do what they are told, corner them in the timeout corner, whatever, but a slap. Never.

Not to say I didn't ever potch. I was encouraged by my in laws to potch my kids when I was a young mother, so I did it. When I found myself standing over my kids like a big bully, I finally got a grip and made a house rule, "no more hitting, no more hurting" and it included mom and dad.

I've done really well over the years, and would never potch a child. However, with my teens, they seem to all go through a crazy stage where I've found myself either slapping them on the mouth or putting soap in their mouth. I regret that I lost it with them, as there is always a better way.

Eta - So, OP, you're not a bad mother, you're just potentially destroying your relationship with your kids by hitting them. When you love someone, you don't hurt them, and the message you give them when you hit, is that you don't love them.

the world's best mom

Fri, Oct 04 2013, 6:54 am

As I always tell my dh, our job in life is to teach the children the right thing to do, not to hurt them when they do the wrong thing.

I do potch when the kids do something dangerous. I use time outs and talking and rectifying situations the rest of the time.