I think I'm being abused ...

mimsy7420

Thu, Mar 15 2007, 9:47 am

I would take the child to a child psychologist. There are child psychologists who specialise in anger management. You aren't doing the kid any favours by ignoring the behaviour,, because eventually he/she will grow and will have no way to cope with frustration except for anger.

Mitzvahmom

Thu, Mar 15 2007, 9:50 am

Definately your child needs a therapist and you need to talk to someone.

A. The child is frustrated about something and cannot figure out another way to express it.

B. you need to realize it's not your fault, and it's not abuse because it is your child and your child needs to learn how to communicate with you.

I have been there, my daughter waslike this... B"H with therapy she's made leaps and bounds!!!

amother

Thu, Mar 15 2007, 9:52 am

only1 is 100% on target. I'm in your shoes, amother, and my child is now in therapy after years of outrageous behavior. it's a slow process, but what's the alternative? I have such charata that I didn't do it earlier.

mimsy7420

Thu, Mar 15 2007, 9:59 am

Don't be so discouraging!
There are many little kids with anger management problems, and many of them learn great techniques of how to control their anger.
There is help, and although it might not be easy, its better then doing nothing.

mimsy7420

Thu, Mar 15 2007, 10:37 am

Well why did you have kids if you weren't going to do everyhting in your power to turn them into good people? How can you give up before you even tried doing anything about it?
Better late then never!

amother

Thu, Mar 15 2007, 10:40 am

only1 wrote:

I don't think anyone knows before hand how anyone will turn out - you just hope for the best and with good intentions do e/t possible. That being said well I have been working for years on issue so please don't think of me as giving up w/o trying. There comes a time when you have tried so much but to no avail. So what does one do then - if the professionals have trouble then why can't I?

amother

Thu, Mar 15 2007, 10:44 am

I have a small kid who when angry starts to hit out at me, or to throw things all over.
I dont know how to handle it. Hitting back isnt an option, it wont help either, may just let out my anger. How am I supposed to react? Sending the child to calm down in his room wont work, coz he doesnt stay there, but comes running back out, screaming.

mimsy7420

Thu, Mar 15 2007, 10:44 am

amother wrote:

only1 wrote:

Are you the OP?

Quote:

what would you think if a child gets so angry and always lashes out on you? would you put up with it? how would you deal with it? would you call it abuse? would you tell anyone?

Cuz your original post makes it sound like you haven't done anything yet.
If you have tried, then that's a totally different matter.

But lets put it like this, if your child CHVS had a medical problem wouldn't you take the child to every single specialist in the world before giving up? I'm sure there are more specialists who you can take the kid too before you give up.

Mitzvahmom

Thu, Mar 15 2007, 10:47 am

I will admit the first year away from my abusive husband was the worst year of my life. I actually thought of sending my daughter to a group home environment, just because she was being so horrible to me and my other children. AT the time I thought it would be the best thing int he world, and the worst. I remember her finding me crying after talking to the social worker, that I was actually considering sending my little girl away. I think it touched her to see that I was crying because I HATED the idea of ever having to send her away.

B"H we had a good therapist, and a supportive school environment. This year is the year we are seeing the most promise in her!! Except of course when her father visits, but I cannot change it the court gave him visitation.

bashinda

Thu, Mar 15 2007, 10:50 am

only1: Let's try not to be so harsh and remember we have no clue what this kid is doing.

OP: That said I do agree with only1 that you should not give up on your son. That's the last thing he needs. You also shouldn't accept the abuse. IMO this is not the place to get a good answer. You really need to speak to some specialists here. Are you in NY? Echo I think gives referrals. 718 859-9800. They might know who to call if you're not in NY. What about Mask also. They deal with kids in crisis and their families. Does anyone have their number? Or the Yitti Leibl Help line: 718 435-7669. They might actually help you as well. It's therapists who provide anonymous help for free. They might also have a 1800 number if you're not in NY. I'm not sure. [/youtube]

mimsy7420

Thu, Mar 15 2007, 10:53 am

amother wrote:

Don't worry, you aren't alone. You aren't the first to have a kid like that, and you won't be the last!
How are you supposed to know how to handle it? You don't know any techniques or systems to help control anger, unless you are a therapist!

Don't be ashamed when asking for help, I think you would be surprised to know how many more little kids in your kids class all get help in anger management.

amother

Fri, Mar 16 2007, 10:54 am

OP, we support you with all our love.

From what I understand your children are teenagers and not young kids anymore. There are some threads that have discussed teen problems in the past that may help you. Maybe you can even pm the original posters and talk with each other to gain chizzuk. Here they are:

http://imamother.com/forum/vie.....1835c

http://imamother.com/forum/vie.....1835c

http://imamother.com/forum/vie.....1835c

http://imamother.com/forum/vie.....1835c

Let us know how it goes !

Motek

Sun, Mar 18 2007, 8:48 am

amother wrote:

what would you think if a child gets so angry and always lashes out on you?

I'd be sad. I'd think about what is making him so sad. If I didn't know, I'd ask him.

Quote:

would you put up with it? how would you deal with it?

I wouldn't want to put up with it. I'd want to fix the situation. How? Perhaps by speaking to someone who is known as a perceptive person who understands people and is a mechanech.

Quote:

would you call it abuse? would you tell anyone?

I don't know that it matters what it's called. I'd tell the person I consulted with.

OP - some questions for you:
Does your child have a happy home? Is there a husband/father present? What is his parenting role?

comment: I would look at myself as the cause of the problem and seek to correct what I was doing wrong, rather than see the child as the problem

amother

Fri, Nov 02 2007, 9:08 am

It's happenning again the violence the rage - for no real reason than her own demons Help

everything is damned if I do and damned if I don't but I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS I put up with so much. She threw everything she could around the kitchen and then picked up a knife. I left after verbally telling her how wrong she is and telling her to get out of my house once and for all. I came back she is gone for now - but only till the next time she unleashes her wrath at me.

Ruchel

Fri, Nov 02 2007, 9:41 am

amother wrote:

It's happenning again the violence the rage - for no real reason than her own demons Help

Please ask her what is making her so mad!!

Clarissa

Fri, Nov 02 2007, 9:42 am

amother wrote:

It's happenning again the violence the rage - for no real reason than her own demons Help

You need to get her to a psychiatrist NOW. She might be suffering from a mental disorder that requires medication. For her sake, and for the sake of the rest of your family, get her help. Many, many other parents have been in your shoes.