How do we tell the kids?

onlyscarves

Sat, Oct 26 2013, 9:54 am

I agree with other posters about separating (1) being pregnant with (2) not feeling well/feeling tired. It may, heaven forbid, cause them to view the pregnancy in a negative light (not because they don't want another sibling necessarily, but because they love their Ima and want her to be happy and energetic, and don't like to see her running to throw up.)
I actually wanted to say the opposite, but I thought it over and now being pregnant with #3 as well, we haven't mentioned that any fatigue/illness/lack of patience/irritability is a result of the pregnancy, rather, we've kept them separate as well. Not on purpose, but its just worked out that way, and I think for the better.

When you do tell them, continue to talk about it with them a lot - not too much like its going to take over their already-established lives, but enough to imprint in them that a change is coming (and things will be different at home). Communication is extremely important. "An ounce of prevention is worth more than a pound of cure."

I agree that children are not obligated to "parent" other children, however families and family members generally should help each other out and support each other, because that's what families do. If you discuss helping each other out (just giving some rough examples, like Ima helps Aba by making dinner, and Aba helps Ima when he holds the baby while she takes a shower, and Ima helps the kids by etc. etc.), and frame it in a "mitzvah" context, then every time the kids help each other, or the parents, or vice-versa, it's a big mitzvah. Talk about it positively. A lot.

(I learnt this from HaRav Shalom Arush in "Women's Wisdom") When you give a compliment to someone, they generally will continue to strive to be worthy of the compliment, long after it is given. So if you show them that you really appreciate them doing mitzvot and helping you out, the kids should catch on pretty quickly and then will start helping out because they feel good about themselves when they do.

We use mitzvah notes for extra encouragement (like a reward chart) - each child has an empty tissue box and when they do something nice, or a specific mitzvah, we scribble it on a piece of paper and they can put it in their "mitzvah box". Rewards for doing lots of mitzvot (or something particularly special) can be staying up 15 minutes after bedtime, choosing what to eat for dinner (within reason!), 15 minutes quality time with Aba/Ima, etc. (don't have to be material/gift or toy-oriented rewards)