One of the big ways we do chesed is with food.

PinkFridge

Sun, Nov 24 2013, 12:35 pm

OK, class, read this thread title. Discuss. Include any angle you wish such as
- why
- alternate ways of doing chesed for various circumstances
- appropriate circumstances

No points taken off, even for smartphone punctuation. Venting is allowed.
I may not be on to be the thread mom and monitor this thread as it progresses but I think this can be an interesting clearinghouse.

freidasima

Sun, Nov 24 2013, 12:38 pm

It's because we are women and we are identified with cooking and food. Here in EY where many women do not have household help another form of chessed is to come and clean someone's house when she is either on bedrest or post-partum. So it's not just food depending on the society but also anything which is female gendered - cleaning, laundry, etc.

amother

Sun, Nov 24 2013, 12:41 pm

It always drove me nuts. If I was in a tough position many people offered to help me cook shabbos. I don't need help cooking cooking takes me 1/2
Hour max. Take my kids for an hour. Send me your waning lady for part of the day. Come sit with me and chat. THAT would do so much more than food half my family won't eat. I have even specifically asked for such help and gotten laughed at.

granolamom

Sun, Nov 24 2013, 12:49 pm

nourishing the body is so entwined with nourishing the heart and soul. I think thats why so many people instinctively want to feed you when they hear you are going through a rough time.

Ruchel

Sun, Nov 24 2013, 1:17 pm

I would never go clean someone's home as a chessed. Way to embarrass them! I WOULD offer a cleaning lady if someone was what in my world is considered "in need of chessed" (not someone married who happened to have given birth) and if I was "financially comfy" and thought this was the most urgent chessed around.

Meal, nope. There are very cheap and easy ways for the husband or even the wife to make something.

But again, maybe it does come that I don't identify myself especially with cleaning and cooking. While I DO identify myself with listening to someone, calling to cheer up someone, advising someone. I have done all these things for free.

Money wise I WILL prioritize. I will give first to people needing food, REALLY. People who feel hungry. There are plenty of those, unfortunately.

chocolate chips

Sun, Nov 24 2013, 1:34 pm

As much as I would love for someone to come over and help me do my washing and cleaning when needed and take my ds for an hour or five, I would be so embarassed if someone came to see all my dirty laundry (pun intended) and my dirty house. And I know my son can be a handful so why would I just add to her load on an erev shabbos or sunday afternoon?
Where as we all need to eat and sometimes as much as I love cakes and cookies I just don't have time to make them b/c cleaning will trump that so if she is anyway making cakes and cookies for her house then I would appreciate that too.

My sister in law always said and I say also, if you are already cooking/baking then what is the big deal to double the recipe and send some out? If you don't need it then so freeze it, I am sure we all know that awesome feeling to take a whole shabbos out the freezer and be able to thoroughly clean for shabbos without feeling so stressed.

bamamama

Sun, Nov 24 2013, 1:59 pm

granolamom wrote:

nourishing the body is so entwined with nourishing the heart and soul. I think thats why so many people instinctively want to feed you when they hear you are going through a rough time.

This is precisely why food really is such a big issue with families of origin of BTs/converts...

sneakermom

Sun, Nov 24 2013, 2:30 pm

Feeding someone. Sending them a nourishing hot soup that warms them inside an out is a loving act. And it nourishes the person in every way.

I also freeze ahead meals in anticipation for my baby. Yet there is still nothing like the fresh hot food that relatives and friends send me.

I hope to always do the same for others.

amother

Sun, Nov 24 2013, 2:39 pm

Once when I was going though a medical crisis, an organisation gave my name to another organisation who collected leftover food from weddings and sheva brachos. I can still puke at the thought Puke

Some of it looked like it was left out for hours, so to be honest, most of it made it's way to the nearest bin! We weren't looking to contract food poisoning. I also don't need a catering size container of perishable, non freezable food for two adults and one toddler, how much do you think we can eat? It was enough to feed a family of 12+ or a few smaller families. Neither do I need five containers of gefilte fish. I very much felt like I was their 'feel-good' mitzva so they wouldn't feel bad for throwing away the food.

Another organisation sent me soup in an empty pickle jar and a meat roll in a little lunch bag.

My suggestion to you - if you're sending food make sure it look palatable! Nobody expects ribbons and bows but a nice clean container is basic IMO.

DrMom

Sun, Nov 24 2013, 2:45 pm

freidasima wrote:

I like the idea of a waning lady. I want one too (what is a waning lady?!)

I don't know, but I could use a *waxing* lady.
(For my floors, not my privates.)

amother

Sun, Nov 24 2013, 5:46 pm

After my DIL gave birth, one of her neighbors sent over shredded pieces of boiled chicken from the chicken soup for a main dish. It was extremely unappetizing & fit for animal consumption. So that's what we did: we gave it away to a neighbor to give to her dog. Problem solved.

No one is under any obligation to cook for another family. But if you volunteer & commit to the job, don't leave people hanging right before Shabbos when they have no time to buy something or cook themselves.

chocolate moose

Sun, Nov 24 2013, 6:14 pm

amother wrote:

If I was in a tough position many people offered to help me cook shabbos. I don't need help cooking cooking takes me 1/2 Hour max. Take my kids for an hour. Send me your waning lady for part of the day. Come sit with me and chat. THAT would do so much more than food half my family won't eat. I have even specifically asked for such help and gotten laughed at.

Because people lead busy, full lives. I can cook for others - after all, I'm cooking for myself. But babysit? I get up at 5 Am. I exercise, commute, work all day, attend shiurim, do errands and in my spare time, have a husband and kids. After 9 or 10, I'm in bed and no good to anyone.

I don't have a waning lady either. I'm the waning lady. I'd love to wane for you but I just don't have the energy or time.

The only chessed I can ser5iously do is with sending someone dinner. I'm sorry if that's not good enough for you.

Beyla

Sun, Nov 24 2013, 6:40 pm

It is known that the Tzedaka of women is greater that the men's, why? Cause the men will give money but the women will give food, and the needy man will be able to eat at the moment and won't have to buy and cook....

southernbubby

Sun, Nov 24 2013, 7:09 pm

I think that if people are giving food that is not fit for consumption, the community is probably asking too often and needs to cut back on requests. Maybe that person is being asked too often. Bringing inedible food,seems to be a very passive-aggressive way of saying that the person really does not want to cook for anyone.

amother

Mon, Nov 25 2013, 12:39 am

If you live in the suburbs, a great chessed is taking over the person's carpools. People did it for me once and I was so grateful not to have to drive when I was exhausted and distracted.