Children interrupting - what's the balance?

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Forum -> Parenting our children

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amother

Sat, Dec 21 2013, 5:12 pm

I grew up being taught that when Mommy is talking to another adult, whether on the phone or in person, I may not interrupt unless there was a fire (or similar emergency).
Well, now I'm the mommy. I have several children of various ages, BH. I look around at other mothers and something seems terribly wrong. I can be visiting a neighbor on a Shabbos afternoon and between the two of us we can't get a sentence out because her kids keep barging in the room and interrupting us.
Now I'm a mommy too, and I know that it's unfair to expect very young children to wait before making their demands. But I'm talking about 9 year olds, 12 year olds, etc. And it's not a one-time incident, it's wherever I go. I almost never see mothers instructing their children not to interrupt adults.
With my children I have a big issue because they interrupt ALOT, whether to make their demands or to stick their two cents into my conversations with my husband or whatever, but everyone seems to think I'm being unreasonable. They say this is how kids are and I have to be more tolerant.
What does that mean? Children should not be taught basic manners? They should go on thinking that they own the world? I don't get it.

Emotional

Sat, Dec 21 2013, 5:17 pm

A lot of those kids grow up to be like this:
http://imamother.com/forum/vie.....38117

amother

Sat, Dec 21 2013, 5:30 pm

There are some friends who I will not talk to on the phone until I know their kids are sleeping because they keep interrupting the conversation every five seconds. If you know you can't talk now because your kids need you, then don't call me. And if you do, stop attending to them the whole time.

amother

Sat, Dec 21 2013, 5:31 pm

I taught my four year old to say "excuse me ima" when he needs my attention. Then I can signal to him to wait one minute or immediately ask him what he needs, depending. It isn't reasonable to expect kids to wait until an entire conversation is over, but this way you and the child both know he needs you, and you aren't being interrupted full blown. Works for us.

greenfire

Sat, Dec 21 2013, 6:11 pm

Emotional wrote:

A lot of those kids grow up to be like this:
http://imamother.com/forum/vie.....38117

interesting read & I found that you tube:

greenfire

Sat, Dec 21 2013, 6:16 pm

there is a balance ... however, quite unfair to children to be left on the side not allowed to disturb yenta mommy unless there's a FIRE ... I think a child should be given the same courtesy of give & take in conversation - even when 2 people are engrossed ... because a kid shouldn't be ignored and expected to play or read or what have yous - just so that adults can yent away ...

I've seen parents talk till their toddlers' diapers drop to their feet, adults talk through a crash in the kitchen [of a broken glass], whilst their kids are crying from frustration,

my suggestion is to every now & again - shut up & listen

amother

Sat, Dec 21 2013, 6:19 pm

Well that's the opposite extreme.
Again. A balance.
Children who are still in diapers are too young to understand "no interrupting" in any case, so leaving them while their diapers sag...

33055

Sat, Dec 21 2013, 6:36 pm

The balance is older children should be taught courtesy to adults. They should say excuse me and interrupt only when it is important and the mother's attention is needed. They should not insert themselves into adult conversations unless they are being addressed. They should never contradict their parents when other adults are present.

It is understood young children are not expected to follow these rules. As children mature more respect is expected.

I have stayed away from friends because of unruly older children like the other poster. I have also ended friendships because of mother's neglect. It is uncomfortable for every caring mother to see a child in a sagging diaper while the mother yentas. Telephone conversations should be short and to point when children are around who need attention. Texting is a wonderful way for moms to stay in touch while parenting.

RachelEve14

Sun, Dec 22 2013, 4:23 am

Didin't read all the responses, but my kids say excuse me (or I remind them to). Afterwards I will ask if it is important or can it wait. They are between 6 & 9 now, but yes, they can wait 20 minutes or longer. No, I didn't start with that, but after they say excuse me I ask if it's an emergency. Sometimes they don't know and that's fine (same with tattling). It takes time but yes kids can be taught to have manners even in the 21st century...

willow

Sun, Dec 22 2013, 9:48 am

How about between parents?

amother

Sun, Dec 22 2013, 9:50 am

willow wrote:

How about between parents?

What do you mean? You mean children interrupting a conversation between parents?

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