are you an easy going parent?

amother

Wed, Dec 25 2013, 9:49 am

I ask this bc I really wish I could be, and maybe some of my friends think I am. but
I get really stressed out from the small things.
like my babies not taking naps when they should be, or my kids having a cough, or not going to sleep nicely...ect ect
one of my sisters is sooo easy going, she doesn't get stressed out when her kids dont sleep, or about what they eat, I dont get it I feel like im missing something lol
so many little things that OBVIOUSLY are just a stage and im aware of that, its just sometimes hard to internalize it in the moment.

smss

Wed, Dec 25 2013, 9:52 am

I think it just takes experience to realize that these things come and go and won't last forever. once it happens enough that your kid goes through a no-sleeping stage and comes out of it, you start to relax more when it happens because you know it WILL end.

flowerpower

Wed, Dec 25 2013, 9:56 am

Yes! I'm ultra easygoing and that makes parenting so much smoother and less stressful. I go with the flow with my babies. Of course my kids have routine and structure but I don't go gaga for little things at all. I wish I can tell all parents to not stress over the little things!!!!! Those things are nothing! Some complaints and vents people post here are things that wouldn't even come to my mind as a problem! I see parents running after kids trying to stuff food in their mouths- noone ever died of hunger in America. Little kids have to eat so little to feel content.

Isramom8

Wed, Dec 25 2013, 9:59 am

It takes letting go of the illusion of total control. For me it's been a process of maturing into doing what you can, and trusting Hashem with the results. Been mothering for 23 years, more easy going now.

My kids' friends enjoy our (for the most part) easy going home and attitude. My kids still complain, but say that their friends' parents are crazy strict and we're not!

Last edited by Isramom8 on Wed, Dec 25 2013, 10:02 am; edited 2 times in total

morah

Wed, Dec 25 2013, 10:00 am

I'm pretty laid back. If it isn't dangerous (and I don't only mean physically, I mean also spiritually, emotionally, mentally), it's not worth worrying about. Kids go through phases- not only is it not dangerous, it's sometimes necessary for their growth and development. A day, or even an entire yontif of being off schedule is not harmful, and actually helps teach kids how to cope with situations where the usual routine gets thrown off. Now, having no structure ever can be harmful, so if that's what's happening, you'll want to check with a professional to see if something is causing it. Just in general- if it's not dangerous to their well-being, I don't worry about it.

amother

Wed, Dec 25 2013, 10:06 am

op here
thanks for all the replies and chizzuk
I need to work on not caring so much about schedules and routines.
the main thing that stresses me is sleeping. I see my sister who's one year old baby is up partying at 10pm and im like sweating just thinking about that scenario in my house!!!

little people, little problems, my mother always says.

morah

Wed, Dec 25 2013, 10:13 am

amother wrote:

That scenario make me sweat too- not because of the kid, but because 10 PM is my ME time!

amother

Wed, Dec 25 2013, 10:15 am

Op, I'm so much like you.
I see easygoing parents and I'm appalled.
I'm so protective over my kids, freak out over a mess, and a schedule means the world to me.

But I do think I'm getting better. I'm learning to let up on a lot of stuff over the years. It comes with age and experience. Otherwise we'd go crazy.

Ruchel

Wed, Dec 25 2013, 10:16 am

morah wrote:

amother wrote:

That scenario make me sweat too- not because of the kid, but because 10 PM is my ME time!

If the kid is busy on his own it's fine!

33055

Wed, Dec 25 2013, 10:18 am

I am super easy going except for learning, grooming and being kind. I am lucky because DH is the parent who imposes structure. He is the one who has the children do chores and keep their rooms clean.

I never worried about little things and neither did DH.

bigsis144

Wed, Dec 25 2013, 10:51 am

I'm laid back until I suddenly snap and freak out. Maybe it's because secretly I'm uptight and have high standards, but just lazy Sad

For example, I don't freak out about toys left on the floor or not sweeping for a week or DS being a nudist, but the baby dumps a bottle of honey on the floor/walls/table himself and I don't freak out about just the honey, I go into an existential crisis of my capabilities as a mother and feel overwhelmed by EVERYTHING that isn't picture perfect.

lizard8

Wed, Dec 25 2013, 11:10 am

I consider myself an easygoing parent. However, there are some things that I know I must be firm with because it will make a huge difference to me or my child. For example, I know that keeping my children up past bedtime is cruel to them. They get out of wack and don't function well on little sleep. Candy cannot be eaten from breakfast because it makes them hyper, but I will give s little bit if its requested later in the day. I try to tell my dd to only take out 1 or 2 toys at a time because I know its overwhelming for everybody if the floor is full of toys.

If my dd wants to wear snowboots to school when its not snowing, I'll show her through the window that there is no snow and then she can choose what to do. If she wants to wear a mismatched outfit to school, its not a big deal. A big thing that I am not into is constantly cleaning while the kids are around. I enjoy spending time with my children, playing with them etc. and when I have a perfect house I know that I didn't spend quality time. Another thing is that I allow them to play with their toys (which leads to a mess) in the morning. They have around 2 hours before they leave the house and even though it will be more for me to clean up before I leave, its better for them. If I made something for supper and dd wants something else, I will very often save the made supper for the next evening. My son hates getting his faced washed, so I wont clean it if we are at home and its not bothering him.

Maya

Wed, Dec 25 2013, 11:25 am

No, I'm not. I rarely veer off a schedule, and need to know way in advance about any changes coming up so I can prepare for it. But if I ever do freak out, it doesn't last long because I have my resources and ideas to keep going.

Kids up after bedtime is the worst for me.

chocolate chips

Wed, Dec 25 2013, 1:52 pm

gold21 wrote:

Easygoing about many things but neurotic about some things! Wink

This.

Dh will probably say I am the furthest thing from easy-going and I am but on the other hand I can be so chilled out about other things.
I am definitely trying to relax about certain things but it is hard.

Then there are days I look at my nieces and nephews bouncing around at 1130pm and I am very happy that I am neurotic about bedtime and schedules.

FranticFrummie

Thu, Dec 26 2013, 8:33 am

I have a few really firm, non negotiable boundaries. They are iron clad, and then lined in mattresses, so when DD hits them she'll bounce back. Wink

Within those boundaries, pretty much everything is negotiable and flexible. When DD was a baby, I did child-led attachment parenting, and it worked out wonderfully. She's such a strong willed child, I can't even imagine trying to parent her any other way.

I give her lots of freedom, lots of confidence, and the ability to make lots of decisions for herself. I try to look at the big picture, and not get stuck on the small stuff.

Privileges are earned, behaviors have natural consequences, and we stress personal responsibility. If she needs to do the dishes and get her homework done, I don't care what order she gets them done in. If she wants to wear pajama pants under a long skirt, that's fine too.

I've completely sworn off "freaking out", lecturing, and getting upset over infractions. I simply point out the consequence, and 99 times out of 100 DD accepts it calmly and we get on with our lives.

morah

Thu, Dec 26 2013, 8:44 am

I just want to add that "laid back" doesn't mean anything goes or neglect. I have boundaries, red lines, and even a structured routine. However, I don't freak out over a late night or a skipped meal, or an obvious phase. If its not going to land the kid in the hospital or the therapist's couch (and a total lack of boundaries will almost certainly lead to those as much as too strict can), it's not worth getting worked up over.

amother

Thu, Dec 26 2013, 8:46 am

Omg!!!! I'm you!!!! But it's not good, cause it makes our lives much harder. But I don't see myself changing any time soon. Btw I'm sure there are easygoing people in the world but I truly believe that there are many people who are not as easygoing at home as we think. (And on a separate note I also think that a lot of people with little kids are pretending they are coping when they too are freaking out about trying to manage it all)

FranticFrummie

Thu, Dec 26 2013, 8:47 am

morah wrote:

We seriously need to meet up someday. I've always loved your posts! Very Happy