13 yr. old told younger brother to...

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amother

Sat, Dec 28 2013, 5:42 pm

I need advice, and do not know where to turn.
I'm freaking out!!!!
My 6 yr. old son told me that my 13 yr. old son told him to do something really inappropriate to him.
I don't want to go into detail... But I'm still shaking!!
Luckily my 6 yr. old said No! And refused to do what he asked. And B"h I came home like 5 min. later....

After I almost lost it, I had a long talk with the 13 yr. old.
He knows what he did was wrong, and if course he promised he'll never do it again.
BUT, it's not enough!!! I want to take him to get helped professionally!!!!!

So - where do I go????
Please give me some direction!!! Sad

ROFL

Sat, Dec 28 2013, 6:03 pm

Calm down, take a breath. Where do you live? He should see a professional. He may have been abused himself, that is why he knows this inappropriate action. Please love both your sons and give them both only positive reactions

Onisa

Sat, Dec 28 2013, 6:10 pm

1 I would try to be very calm and not angry and ask..
Why he had that idea? Where did he pick it up?
A film? Friends in class? Or somebody else.
2 when I was 13 I had all diferent kinds of prejudices about intimacy and I was trying to get information where possible and practise it ( didnt happen but could)
So. Give your son proper course of talking about intimate part ( what are they where and how we use them) talk on relations, talk on privacy his and his brothers.

If you dont feel like it ask your dh to speak with him. But dont make it a punishment but a serious talk with such a big boy. Yes, he is a big boy. He has all rights to know everything about adults life.

groisamomma

Sat, Dec 28 2013, 6:12 pm

ROFL wrote:

Uh, the big one needs to know he did something wrong. Nothing positive about what he did, even if it was done to him.

Good job OP for taking him for professional help.

ROFL

Sat, Dec 28 2013, 6:18 pm

groisamomma wrote:

ROFL wrote:

Uh, the big one needs to know he did something wrong. Nothing positive about what he did, even if it was done to him.

Good job OP for taking him for professional help.

OP needs to find a professional. That is why I asked her where she lives.

The action the 13 year old did was not positive , but he must have learned it somewhere. Before OP punishes him she must find out what happened. She can't blame him if he himself was molested.

amother

Sat, Dec 28 2013, 6:36 pm

Op here.
We live in Israel.
I need some leads of organizations that deal with these issues.

We're really not doing well financially.... I don't know what to do... :'(

Also, will a therapist report him?
Can a 13 yr. old go to jail for that?

Please help!!! Sad

ROFL

Sat, Dec 28 2013, 6:42 pm

I don't know anyone in Israel, maybe you could PM freidasima. She seems knowledgable and has a head on her shoulder.

Just try to stay calm for your kids.
Best of luck to you.

starmarket

Sat, Dec 28 2013, 8:01 pm

I think it's amazing (and a good sign about the kind of home you've created) that your six year old told you. If there is a bright side - I think that's it.

Hatemywig

Sat, Dec 28 2013, 9:43 pm

http://www.israelgives.org/amuta/580229979

amother

Sat, Dec 28 2013, 9:47 pm

Being that he is only 13, and especially since he didn't actually do what he wanted, he cannot be held responsible legally. But getting him help now is necessary to prevent it from potentially being a problem when he's older.

amother

Sun, Dec 29 2013, 2:27 am

@hatemywig
Isn't that an organization for violence in the home?

Hatemywig

Sun, Dec 29 2013, 2:29 am

They also deal with S-xual abuse and have educational teams that do workshops around the country on the topic.

RachelB

Sun, Dec 29 2013, 3:12 am

OP, you could also go through the Kupah- get a referral to Kupa psychiatrist/psychologist and you can get subsidized counseling.

amother

Sun, Dec 29 2013, 3:59 am

Be careful dealing with psychologists, you can get into problems with them here and I assume in other countries as well. I would first go to a close Rebbetzen or Rav whom you trust then go from there.

amother

Sun, Dec 29 2013, 3:59 am

RachelB, I would love to go through the Kupah, however, I'm terrified they would report it to higher authorities....
Like the Revacha!!!! (Social services)!!

I also know a really nice social worker, but am freaked out to speak to her, because, I think according to the law, they have to report these things to their supervisors, or worse, to the authorities!!!

Help!!!! I feel so stuck!!! I want to get my son professional help so badly, but am so scared!!

I also don't want our (mine & dh's) families knowing about this! I don't want them to think badly ablouy their grandson/nephew/cousin!!!!

I want him to get the right therapy, specifically for his problem (young teens who have this crazy urge/sickness, so that he doesn't cas veshalom turn into one of these monster beasts, who abuse kids,that we hear about every few weeks.

Does he have a chance to be cured?????
Please, tell me one CAN get over this dissability!!!
Do you know of any stories, of a young teen, who did something similar, and went to therapy and was helped (grew up to be a normal, good man, got married and did not repeat any of what he did before therapy)?

Please Hashem!!!
I'm so stressed out from this!!
I had the worst shabbos, was crying most of the time, from worry and fear.

shabbatiscoming

Sun, Dec 29 2013, 4:05 am

amother wrote:

Why cant you trust psychologist?

abound

Sun, Dec 29 2013, 4:08 am

Do not got through the kupah, they generally do not have people that are qualified enough to take care of such things.
Call Tatzumot and ask them who you should speak to, they will probably give you numbers to top psychologists or someone who you can ask who will know.
This will cost you money, but its not like you have a choice but to borrow for this. B"H you caught this early (hopefully) and you should be able to nip it at the bud.
Hatzlacha, you sound like a great mother, just stay calm and collected in front of your children.

amother

Sun, Dec 29 2013, 4:35 am

What is tatzumot?

amother

Sun, Dec 29 2013, 4:58 am

Op here.
Before I call anyone.... I'm shaking just from not knowing how to word it...
What is it even called?
"Hello, I was wondering if you offer: _______ ?"
"My son has __________....."

I don't know what to say... Sad

someoneelse

Sun, Dec 29 2013, 4:59 am

There is a center in Yerushalayim where professionals can meet with your kid in a non-threatening environment. Their job is to find out if your kid was molested. They are prof. so they no how to do it without scarring your child, if there is something that happened they can get it out of him and if nothing happened, then e/t is fine.

I'll try to find out contact details.

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