how do I get my son to stop m@sturbating?

amother

Tue, Dec 31 2013, 8:30 am

my son is seven years old and m@sturbates compulsively. and by compuslsively I mean every night, whenever he is alone....it relly gets me, bec. his father has zxual addiction issues and sometimes I cant help but wonder if these things are genetic.
I'm also worried bec. his body is developing faster than I would like and I feel helpless to do anything about it!!!! it's not like we can talk to him yet since he is so young and immature. this has been going on since he was two years old. he was never abused( I checked that out)

every time he does this I go off the edge screaming. I know my reaction is extreme and can be adding to the problem but I have a very hard time controlling myself!!!!!I try to go away from him to cool off but it doesnt work for too long!!! Bomb

what can I do to stop my self from having such extreme reactions which makes it worse?
has anybody else had this with their child? is this abnormal?
how do young child doing this? im worried soon it will become an addiction.

amother

Tue, Dec 31 2013, 8:33 am

amother wrote:

Doesn't sound abnormal to me. Kids will do it because it feels good. If you feel he's too young to talk to him about it just tell him it can only be in his room or bathroom. Every night doesn't sound compulsive either. Kids play with themselves. It's normal. Besides, at that age I would call it touching. I don't think much happens when he does it. Unless he hit puberty REALLY young.

amother

Tue, Dec 31 2013, 8:44 am

amother wrote:

actually such behavior is considered m2asturbation no matter the outcome. and things definitely are happening to his body- I see the changes myself. his body at this young age is already giving him a lot of pleasure

SplitPea

Tue, Dec 31 2013, 8:48 am

amother wrote:

I'm sorry no. It's against halaca. "Hashem does not let us do that" "we don't touch our bris" have his father teach him how holy it is and how we don't touch holy things. This is a job for his father though and NOT for you.

I get so annoyed at all the people who talk about how "normal" it is. YES it's normal but not okay for a frum Jew. Especially to tell them "only in private" etc.

Telling a lie is completely normal at this age but we just educate them not to.

Hitting is normal at 3 but we must teach them not to.

Same here. It's "normal" but we must teach him not to!

amother

Tue, Dec 31 2013, 8:49 am

amother wrote:

Pleasure doesn't mean it will be the same outcome as in ten years from now but either way...First lesson in my psych class was that it is normal for kids to touch themselves and you can't stop it because it feels good so they will continue to do it anyway. The only thing you can do if you don't want deeper discussion just yet is set boundaries like bed and bathroom. I actually got that boundary rule from my sil. I heard it telling that to my niece when she was 4 or 5. It's a good rule.

shabbatiscoming

Tue, Dec 31 2013, 8:49 am

amother wrote:

It can be pleasure OP, but it is not s-xual to him, not yet. At age 7, it just feels good, there is no connection to anything s-xual.
I think your reaction is a bit over the top and may do more harm than good. Try not reacting that way. Kids are finding out about their bodies, let him. And you (or your husband) should try to explain to him that this is something only to do in private.
The worse your reaction, the worse the outcome will be.

amother

Tue, Dec 31 2013, 8:50 am

SplitPea wrote:

She said they feel that he is too young to have that discussion with him. And realistically without more maturity he won't stop. It's also highly unlike that it is zera levatala at this point.

SplitPea

Tue, Dec 31 2013, 8:53 am

amother wrote:

She said they feel that he is too young to have that discussion with him. And realistically without more maturity he won't stop. It's also highly unlike that it is zera levatala at this point.

7 is not to young to talk to kids in a way they will understand.

amother

Tue, Dec 31 2013, 9:19 am

Op, I used to yell at my son too.
Then, the more people I spoke to, the more I realized that it is completely normal.
My son also does this almost every night in bed. So I try to ignore, I try to make believe I didn't realize.
Once in a few nights, when I pop into the room and he's at it, I tell I'm this isn't a nice thing to do. That's it.

He will do it again.im just training his brain for when he gets older, that this is not something that is allowed.

Same way kids will continue to lie, speak chutzpadik, and hit their little brothers, even if you yell until you're blue in the face, they will continue doing this too. Kids are kids.
The most you can hope for is that when they grow up, they take your advice from all the years and grow into normal human beings.

amother

Tue, Dec 31 2013, 9:20 am

I rubbed myself a LOT when I was little, but it wasn't s-xual. It felt good so I did it. I think you're a little ridiculous for blasting off at a 7 year old. If you're concerned, talk to a therapist. Don't send him to a therapist but go talk to one yourself to find out how to respond.

amother

Tue, Dec 31 2013, 9:27 am

amother wrote:

you were a girl. it was (is) not a sin for you. so if you continued into puberty no big deal. no one needed to teach you not to.

he is a boy... big difference.

Peanut2

Tue, Dec 31 2013, 9:30 am

I think it should be moved to a non-public section. Mods or something?

OP I think you should speak to someone about this. Screaming as a result of this is terrible. Some day down the line you might think he behaves like his dad, but it will be a result of your screaming. You have to stop.

There is an issur of zera levatala. A 7 year old is not doing that. He is exploring his body. A very frum lady I know tells her sons the following: your body is a beautiful gift but we only touch some parts in private in our room, not in public. When they are older her DH talks to them.

Ruchel

Tue, Dec 31 2013, 9:55 am

I don't know if a therapist is needed, but it's not a habit he should get into as he'll have to stop eventually, al pi halacha.

There have been many threads like this. Mechanchim have said to advise them that they could irritate themselves or get an infection (all true), and to associate it with needing the toilets: "do you need to pee? no? so we don't touch there".

I don't understand saying you can do it in your bed, or if you wash your hands (ew) or what. I would rather ignore than tell them where to do it. Where not to do it sounds better, too.

I also wonder, if he only does it in his bed, how do you know? at 7 shouldn't have be taught about tznius especially for private parts?

And indeed as Jews we have many normal, natural things we are not allowed to. That's even a thing our enemies often reproached us with! but that's a much longer (off) topic