Telling a scared child about Period

amother

Thu, Feb 27 2014, 7:35 pm

I want to give my oldest DD the period-talk, telling her about getting the period. She is soon 11, so really the time I have to have the chat.
However she is a very sensitive girl and quickly afraid about a lot of stuff. Especially everything with doctors, hospital or being ill and not well, scares her a lot.
So how can I explain to her about having a period and the whole concept of her going to bleed every month, without going to scare her.

Rutabaga

Thu, Feb 27 2014, 7:43 pm

She'll be way more scared if she gets her period without knowing what's going on. I know I thought something horrible was happening to me.

Make sure to emphasize how normal and natural a process it is.

zaq

Thu, Feb 27 2014, 8:21 pm

Don't call it "bleeding". Call it a "flow".
And watch your own demeanor very carefully. I get the idea that you may be unwittingly conveying your own negative attitude. None of this has anything to do with being ill, and calling it being "unwell" went out with little white gloves. The gloves may come back but one hopes the "unwell" label stays gone. Maturing physically is a perfectly normal and healthy process, and this is what you should be emphasizing to your dd.

Dolly Welsh

Thu, Feb 27 2014, 9:04 pm

Tell her it's not blood. IT ISN'T. Tell her it is a normal bodily fluid that has a little blood in it, so it looks like blood. That's important.

Tell her a woman loses about a teaspoon of blood every period, and her body easily makes it back.

Remind her every single woman has the same thing, until they are old. She should not feel it is only her, or only young girls, or only Jewish girls, or only nice girls.

Tell her a tummy ache with it happens sometimes, is normal, doesn't mean she is sick, and passes.

Tell her not to mention it to anybody male. That includes Tati and brothers. Tell her YOU will tell those who need to know.

Tell her to clean up well after herself in the bathroom because it is considered private.

Tell her accidents happen to everybody and it comes out with cold water. Or, we just buy a new one.

Tell her it is a badge of womanhood and a sign of growing up, and a thing to be pleased with.

greenfire

Thu, Feb 27 2014, 10:17 pm

be gentle but truthful & ... it's preparation for your body to have a baby - miraculous

gift her with a book & a 'kit' that you put together with pads/panty liners/junior tampons/deodorant/and a small travel pouch for when she's out & about ... put it all in a nice zipper case so she feels special

bubbebia

Thu, Feb 27 2014, 10:30 pm

Good idea, Greenfire. That's what I did with my girls. Make up a small kit with a few pads, etc. that she can keep in her backpack. That way she'll always be prepared.

She needs to know the biology of her body. Knowledge is power. This is not about being sick, it's about your body preparing itself to be a mother. And in order to do that all these things need to happen, but if it doesn't happen, then this is the way our bodies dispose of what's "not needed" until the next chance occurs next month.

It's all normal and you have to let her know it's all normal. If she sees your discomfort she will pick up on that and it will make her fearful. It's a tough task, but you're up to it, I know!

sequoia

Thu, Feb 27 2014, 11:12 pm

You really need to sound positive and nonchalant. Like it's the most normal thing in the world.

The unknown is always frightening, but you can make her feel confident by projecting confidence and a certain ease of manner yourself.

seeker

Fri, Feb 28 2014, 12:09 am

Emphasize that it is NORMAL and HEALTHY but do not downplay the bloodiness or amount of blood or she will think she's dying when she sees it. Don't stop at "flow" or any euphemisms; after a gentle introduction you must TELL her that it might look very very bloody, might smell bad, might hurt, AND THIS IS NORMAL. To mitigate it tell her it also might not hurt, TELL her that you're only telling her that sometimes it hurts so that she won't be scared if it does happen to her, but don't worry because it probably won't. Tell her that when it happens she can tell/ask you about it if she needs any reassurance, so she won't just worry to herself whether her experience is normal.

I agree with a lot of the other things people said above, such as teaching about how the body works and that this is NOT an illness or a bad thing in any way, but I totally disagree about things like "don't call it bleeding" or "tell her it's not blood" because it looks so darn bloody that she will be very hard pressed to believe otherwise. Instead just tell her that it is normal and that her body is well equipped to handle it and nobody bleeds to death from a period.

MaBelleVie

Fri, Feb 28 2014, 12:15 am

I agree with seeker. Don't turn it into a horror story, but be realistic about what she can expect. And please do put a positive spin on it all- this may influence her lifelong attitude toward menstruation.

FranticFrummie

Fri, Feb 28 2014, 12:19 am

I explained all of the above to DD. She wanted to know WHY it would happen. I told her that period blood was like plant fertilizer. Every month your body gets ready making fertilizer, in case a "baby seed" gets put in there. If there's no seed, then the fertilizer gets too old and has to come out to make room for fresh fertilizer. At that point she was happy, and didn't ask me anything about the "seed".

About 6 months later she asked me how the "baby seed" gets in, and told her that the daddy puts it there, and Hashem sends it a neshama. She didn't want to know HOW the daddy was involved. I think she might kinda know, but didn't want to talk about it. I asked her if she had any other questions, and she said "no". I made sure to tell her that if she did have any other questions, that she could always ask me.

Like I said, I think she's figured it out, but "EEEEEEW!" and doesn't want any details. LOL

Sanguine

Fri, Feb 28 2014, 4:46 am

what grade is she in? Is she just 11 or almost 12? Is she already developing? Breasts, hair in both places, needs deodorant already?

If she just turned 11 and doesn't have signs of early developing, you have time.

If she's in the middle of 6th grade she probably knows something from friends (even if wrong). - It's exciting for girls, not scary. They all anticipate it (only later they're sorry that it's not a one time deal Very Happy

)

When DD got hers I told her how wonderful it was since now she can have babies. I must have worded it wrong cause she turned white. I had to assure her that she won't have a baby till she's married.

Ilana Tamar

Fri, Feb 28 2014, 8:07 am

My mom gave "the speech" shortly before we turned 11, cuz that's when she got hers. She did not give us the biological backgrounds. (We got that from our friends and learned the rest in grade 11 biology)

She basically told us what we'd see and we giggled about the fact that this happens to our teachers also. Then she'd tell a story about her clueless friend who discovered it on a boat trip and thought she was dying. (I always wondered if it was actually her) And the teacher had to take care of her. She always put a gossipy spin on it like she's telling us this big secret, which made us feel more intrigued than scared.

With my own dd, we were grocery shopping together and I needed to buy pads. She asked what they were for, and on the spur of the moment, I felt she was old enough to know the truth. I don't even remember what I said, but kept it minimal since she is the panicky type. I think I just stuck to the symptoms and then bought the book everyone else mentioned and we went through it together. She's not the academic type, so I'm not sure how much of it went in and how much went str8 over her head, but she definitely enjoyed the private time with me.

Learning

Fri, Feb 28 2014, 11:54 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

I would not say that the daddy puts it in. It is too scary for that age. Hashem makes sure it is there when it is the right time and if she wants to know details tell her its complicated and you will explain when she is older.