Feeing guilty about needing space?

FranticFrummie

Thu, Dec 25 2014, 6:06 pm

This thread is specifically for those of us who have children through IF treatments, a very long wait, or by adoption. Basically, any child who you had to really fight and daven for.

*** No offense meant to mothers who conceive easily. I am absolutely sure that you have your own issues and insecurities about all of your kids, and love them every bit as much as I love DD. I have a theory that my particular neurosis is directly tied to my infertility issues.***

I find myself thinking that I have to devote myself to my child 24/7, and if I want a few minutes or peace and quiet, then that makes me ungrateful. I mean, didn't I cry and beg and pray for 20 years for this child? How very DARE I want to close the bathroom door! I just sat down with a cup of coffee, and now she wants me to bring her a glass of water (and she can reach the sink just fine). Am I being mean if I tell her she can get it herself? I do have some anxiety about what if c'vs something bad were to happen to her, what if I weren't nice to her that day, how I would regret everything, etc.

Logically, I know I should treat her just like any other child. Coddling her and catering to her will only make her life more difficult as an adult. I don't know where this crazy guilt came from! If you can relate, how do you cope?

amother

Thu, Dec 25 2014, 6:49 pm

FF- big hugs. I don't qualify to respond but there's a blog that I think you might find interesting.
The lady had IF treatments.... and discusses the importance of giving kids space... not necessarily in the same post but thought you might find the blog overall interesting.

http://allvictories.blogspot.c.....#more

mema613

Thu, Dec 25 2014, 7:09 pm

I can totally relate! My daughter is kinahara an adult now but she was sick for 6 yrs as a child. I have never yelled at her and even today feel guilty if I dont run to her the minute my name is called. Its prob because I feel so bad for her that she suffered so much that I dont to cause her any emotional pain.

Bitachon101

Thu, Dec 25 2014, 11:19 pm

I get you though I'm not as good as you. Maybe cuz I didn't wait so long though still had a struggle to get pg with both kids and went the whole IF route.
But I really feel guilty cuz I'm often so busy I don't always have so much time to give the kids though I m there for them as much as I can though after a long crazy day I need my space so bad yet my kids want me to hold them both at once the second I walk in and to give them attention at the same time and my nerves radar shoots up and then I get really frustrated with myself cuz I prayed so hard for these kids and wouldn't want it any other way.

But I still am somewhat firm and make my ds be somewhat independent for his own good. I still give in sometimes and feed him with airplane noises and birdies I'm the sky tho he is 3 cuz he is really jealous of ds 1