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Having a non-jew babysit
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amother






Post  Fri, Jun 29 2007, 12:31 pm
I'm interested on hearing opinions on this..I have a friend who said that the Jewish babysitters don't really interact well with her kids, but the non-jews play and interact really well....her kids therefore like the non jews better.
Another dilemma is that it is really hard to find jewish babysitters when you don't need fulltime hours (even if you do,it's still hard to find).

I think it is a thousand times better to have a yid over a [gentile], but hard to stick to when it's so hard to find....what are your experiences?
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TammyTammy




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jun 29 2007, 12:40 pm
Personally, I can't offer much in the way of experience, because we've always had family to babysit for us.

However, I can tell you one thing:

Choose the best babysitter for your child(ren)... regardless of whether they are Jewish, not-Jewish, black, white, purple, etc.

I'm sure that there are Jewish babysitters who interact well with kids and there are some who are deficient in that area. Likewise, there are some non-Jewish babysitters who are excellent with children and others that are not good.

Bottom line, choose the one who is the best fit for your child. The only precaution that I would add is that if you do end up choosing someone not Jewish, of course make sure they understand the rules as they apply to your child (no food that you don't OK, etc.).

Tammy
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chen




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jun 29 2007, 1:11 pm
I second the motion. I've had good ones and bad ones of both types. I prefer the good ones.
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NotInNJMommy




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jun 29 2007, 3:31 pm
All things being equal, I'd prefer a Jewish one...but there are other aspects which take precedence to me regardless of jew or nonjew
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bashinda




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jun 29 2007, 4:28 pm
When we were looking for someone to watch the triplets at night my husband was adamant that it be someone Jewish because we'd be sleeping especially and we found the sweetest people. They even said modeh ani with them and washed negel vasser in the morning. They were extremely loving to the babies. I didn't have to worry about kashrus problems. Everyone was saying we'd never find someone and what can I say they were wrong? I've been very happy. I don't mind when my cleaning lady who comes once a week helps me with the babies (it's really nice of her and she likes them) but I wouldn't purposely hire her for babysitting because as sweet as she is she's not a Jew.
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amother






Post  Fri, Jun 29 2007, 4:55 pm
I'm had a Haitian woman for a while. She was way better with my kids than any frum babysitter.
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amother






Post  Fri, Jun 29 2007, 6:22 pm
If you have a non-Jewish babysitter ask your rav about leaving her alone in the house. There are issues with opened meat, etc. My rav paskened for us that I can't really leave a non-Jew alone in the house.
Anonymous, cause if my neighbors are here they'll immediately know who I am.
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amother






Post  Sun, Jul 01 2007, 7:57 pm
In addition to all the halachic concerns regarding food--please don't forget that these sweet children are Hashem's gift to you--Jewish children to Jewish parents. Please don't leave them in the care of non jews. My friends have reported seeing non jews slapping yiddishe kids when 'no one' is looking. How can you be sure that a [gentile] will truly always give kosher food? Wait the right length of time for older kids? Say good brachas with your kids? What if they wear *symbols* around their necks? Or teach them songs/language you don't like? Or have a boyfriend over? Or chas v'shalom, "do something" they think (from their false religion) is right for your holy kinderlach? remember, no matter how good you think they are, you have to always always always be on guard for your innocent children who see, and absorb so many things, and who can't always stand up for themselves. Please...
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mimivan




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Jul 01 2007, 8:37 pm
I don't know what the OP's friend means about Jews not being good babysitters....I have absolutely not had that experience..

The non jews might seem more interactive, but I find that they are probably trying to ingratiate themselves...I saw this when I was a metapelet and there was a non jewish cleaning lady. Before the mother left, she was cooing and oohing and aahing the kids and the moment the door closed, she hardly said two syllables to them the rest of the time... (thank Gd the mother had the sense...and the money...to hire a Jewish babysitter and a non jewish cleaner instead of having the [gentile] do double duty)


A neighbor was going on and on about how great her "philipini" was with her kids...one day I saw neighbor's kids in the park with the philipini. She was wearing a shirt that said "Yoshke loves me." and a huge cross around her neck...\ Exploding anger
IMHO, I wouldn't want to leave my kids with a [gentile], even to save money, and we dont' have much.
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Motek




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Jul 03 2007, 4:39 pm
amother wrote:
I'm had a Haitian woman for a while. She was way better with my kids than any frum babysitter.


than ANY?
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Talia




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Jul 03 2007, 4:55 pm
Kasherous is a BIG issue. Even if they say that they will follow it, it must be of concern to you. I know a Gentile who placed a chicken bone on a dairy plate. When I was putting the dish away in the 'to be koshered cabinet', she said, "It doesn't really matter anyway". They really can't understand and appreciate why we keep it. It has no meaning or value to them.

Having a Gentile cleaning lady falls under the same category. If she is going to clean your kitchen, you better be there to watch her clean the counters and switch cloths between milchig & fleshig.
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Raisin




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Jul 03 2007, 4:58 pm
Quote:
Kasherous is a BIG issue. Even if they say that they will follow it, it must be of concern to you. I know a Gentile who placed a chicken bone on a dairy plate. When I was putting the dish away in the 'to be koshered cabinet', she said, "It doesn't really matter anyway". They really can't understand and appreciate why we keep it. It has no meaning or value to them.

Having a Gentile cleaning lady falls under the same category. If she is going to clean your kitchen, you better be there to watch her clean the counters and switch cloths between milchig & fleshig.


I have had similar problems with a Jewish (but not frum) woman.
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shalhevet




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Jul 03 2007, 5:10 pm
I don't want to judge since living in Israel I've never had to compromise over having only frum babysitters for my children and have been able to pick the best.

But I still shudder when I read this thread.

How can frum women leave their precious kinderlach with a non-Jewish carer? There are so many threads here about kavannas before the mikva, during the mikva and after the mikva; what not to look at when pregnant and what not to show your child.

And then someone feels fine leaving a child who is older and more aware with a woman who, with the very best intentions, may sing a song that you don't want your child to hear, tell them something you wouldn't have said or play a game you find inappropriate. And that is apart from the halachic problems which have been mentioned such as kashrus or avoda zara.

I would be curious if there are mothers out there who are careful not to go to a zoo when pregnant or not to dress their children in clothes with treife animals on (both things we have been told by a rav are absolutely unnecessary) who then leave their child with a non-Jew.

Again, maybe I'm unfair coming over harshly when I haven't been in this nisayon of having to look for a babysitter when there aren't enough frum ones. So I apologise, but I still feel very strongly on this issue.
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amother






Post  Tue, Jul 03 2007, 5:27 pm
how many Jewish frum babysitters do you know?????
I have found ONE in months of searching (and she will not start at 6:30am when I need her). Jewish babysitters run playgroups or 9-3 babysitting services in their homes...very few will accomadate the needs of working women. I need someone in my house for 12 hours a day....where do I find a Jewsih women who will do that???
If you know of any, please send them my way.
Do you think I and other mothers dont feel bad enough for leaving our children.
Yes, they are a gift from Hashem, we love them, we want the best for them, but I also need food or them and medical care and money to pay rent...so I have to work....and hence I need soemone who will care for them while I do what I have to do.
So we look for the best....
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Talia




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Jul 03 2007, 5:30 pm
shalhevet wrote:

I would be curious if there are mothers out there who are careful not to go to a zoo when pregnant


Why?
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TammyTammy




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Jul 03 2007, 5:34 pm
Talia wrote:
shalhevet wrote:

I would be curious if there are mothers out there who are careful not to go to a zoo when pregnant


Why?


She's commenting that there are some people who will take these steps to "protect" their children and then turn around and leave them in the care of someone not Jewish.

Tammy
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Talia




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Jul 03 2007, 5:51 pm
TammyTammy wrote:
Talia wrote:
shalhevet wrote:

I would be curious if there are mothers out there who are careful not to go to a zoo when pregnant


Why?


She's commenting that there are some people who will take these steps to "protect" their children and then turn around and leave them in the care of someone not Jewish.

Tammy


No, this is not what Shalhevet was implying. Protect against what at the zoo?
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gryp




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Jul 03 2007, 5:56 pm
Shalhevet was just asking if Lubavitchers leave their kids with non-Jewish babysitters, that's all.
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Motek




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Jul 03 2007, 5:59 pm
Smile GR
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southernbubby




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Jul 03 2007, 6:00 pm
I have seen the same problem on the other end of the age spectrum when elderly people who have kosher homes need someone to come in to care for them. Most frum women find that such jobs do not pay well enough to justify leaving their own homes. I don't see very many frum women who could spend 12 hours a day leaving their homes for a low paying job. Usually care givers will be those who can or will work for low wages such as illegal immigrants or citizens without much education.
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