Full time job vs. stay at home- Help!!!!!!!!!

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Forum -> Working Women

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chayad1

Tue, Dec 01 2015, 1:47 pm

I have a dilemma . I am newly graduated, licensed and looking for my first job. I also am a mother to four children under the age of four. I went for an interview today and they were willing to give me a full time job, of 35 hours a week which translates into Monday through Friday 9-5 for a semi decent salary with benefits. I just don't know what to do because the job is very demanding and I feel that my family will suffer because of it, you know, like I won't have time to spend with them or to even feed them a normal supper and I would be picking them up late from an outside babysitter. But at the same time, we need the money....so hence my dilemma which is probably ages old and has been discussed here many times Smile

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Somebody give me some insight, PLEASE because I have none and I have two days to come up with a decision.

HonesttoGod

Tue, Dec 01 2015, 2:03 pm

How bad do you want this job?

Between me and you, at this point in my life even though I KNOW I made the right choice to work full time, I am currently trying to cut my hours because my family is suffering and more importantly, so am I.
I changed a LOT about myself and my life to be able to work full time and I am proud of myself, we would not have survived without me working and we still need me to work more than part time but not the hours I was working until now (9:30-5:30 M-T and 9:30-2 F - with 30 min travel each way and very often over time at the end of the day and Friday).

So if you would have asked me a year ago I would have said yes you can make the changes you can do it. And you probably can but at what expense.

Ask yourself:
1. Can you afford help? - 1-2 ++ times a week cleaning help, nanny, etc
2. Do you have reliable babysitters, 4 under 4 is hard in general, what will you do for childcare?
3. Do you think that you will be able to find something with your degree with fewer hours?

Good luck!

Tel Tzion Ima

Tue, Dec 01 2015, 2:10 pm

I work full time, and my kids are out from 7/8 am until 4pm. Difference is my kids range from 2-10. So the older two anyway have a longer school day. Bcse of my job, I send my 5-yr-old to after school, but truth is, when she came home at 1:30 she was bored all afternoon. The older two came home later. She wasn't interested in playing with her younger brother, the neighbor's kids were in daycare, and in general it was very difficult to arrange play dates. So I know that after-school daycare is just better for her, so I don't feel guilty about it. My two year old is in full-day daycare versus just mornings. I don't feel guilty about it. He seems happy. I think it's more fun for him to have more hours of friends to play with. My kids go to sleep btwn 7-10, so there's still plenty of time to spend with each of them.

But if you're not going to be happy with the situation, be with your kids. I heard once there's a halachah that if a mother doesn't want to part with her kids in order to work, then she shouldn't work. Even if her husband learns full time, he should get a job rather than force her to separate from her children.

So I think it's very individual, and you know yourself best. If you want to work, but are really interested in less hours, then hold out for another job offer. You don't have to take the first thing that comes along.

Hatzlacha.

Mama Bear

Tue, Dec 01 2015, 2:49 pm

Sounds way too overwhelming to me. I think you should keep looking and find something more manageable.

STovah

Tue, Dec 01 2015, 2:52 pm

Are there more flexible options in your field? If so, maybe continue looking. If not, did you consider the question when you were in school?

Raisin

Tue, Dec 01 2015, 4:04 pm

is it important for you to gain experience in your field, and can you get a job with shorter hours?

mha3484

Tue, Dec 01 2015, 4:58 pm

Also depends on your DH and his schedule. We do the reverse, I work the more formal full time job while he has the more flexible child friendly one.

Tue, Dec 01 2015, 8:23 pm

Do you have health insurance from any other source?

amother

Tangerine

Tue, Dec 01 2015, 8:38 pm

It's very interesting for me to read these posts because op wrote u need the money--therefore I dont understand how the bills will get paid if op doesn't work!!! I am working close to 11 hrs a day bec I have to travel to work-I have young kids and also feel overwhelmed but can't afford help --I would like to know how others pay their bills wen their dhs have low paying job/no job and they-the mothers- are stay at home moms!! If I can figure out the answer ill gladly be a stay at home mom! I only work bec we need the money!!
Op, how is it an option if u wrote" we need the money"????
I dont get it!!!/???

nyer1

Tue, Dec 01 2015, 9:46 pm

really tough. I made the decision a few months ago. I only have 2 kids though so my situation is very different from yours.

at the end of the day, it comes down to dollars and cents. it is AMAZING to be home. there is nothing like it. but if you can't afford it, then you can't afford it. it's that simple.

nyer1

Tue, Dec 01 2015, 9:47 pm

by the way... even if the salary isn't great, definitely factor in health insurance. because paying out of pocket, assuming you aren't trying to be on medicaid, is very very expensive.

amother

Mauve

Tue, Dec 01 2015, 10:05 pm

So yes you can do it! But It will be hard. You just need to be proactive and plan ahead as much as possible.

For meals, make sure to plan ahead. Figure out your menus and prep everything on Sunday for the week before. Have stuff already made in the freezer or frig that you can just pop into the oven or microwave when you get home. Use a crock pot some days, so dinner is ready when you walk through the door. Make easy meals.

What is your husbands schedule? You are a team and if the two of you work together, you can figure out a schedule.

With your salary, can you afford extra help? Cleaning help or someone or help with the kids when you get home?

Best wishes!

Tel Tzion Ima

Wed, Dec 02 2015, 5:36 am

She said they need the money, but she will also have to put 4kids in full-time daycare/babysitting. How much of her salary will that take up? Assuming they have healthcoverage through her husband's job, there has to be enough left over after childcare expenses to make it worth it.

I work full-time at least 30 hours per week), no house cleaning help, single-income family (husband's in kollel), but three of my kids are school aged, and I live in Israel where education, even frum education, is subsidized. So about 1/3 of my income goes to childcare. If my kids were all under four, I'd be spending over half my income on childcare, some months it might even be as much as 2/3rds (my income varies month to month).
I think those are important factors to weigh in.
I think if childcare is under half her paycheck, and they are desperate for money, sure give it a shot. If childcare is 3/4 of her paycheck, then it depends on how desperate they are for that 1/4.
Again, I'm not so in tune with financial needs in chu'l, so I may not be in a position to accurately weigh in. And we have universal healthcare.
I did once have a job I hated. It was our only income, and my husband's rav at the time told him that if I didn't like the job, I should quit, and I did. After trying a number of other jobs over the next few years, I finally found something that suited me, paid enough to justify childcare expenses, and I've been here two years.

1. Is the job a good starting point for your career?
2.) How much will you spend on childcare?
3.) Find as many shortcuts as you can for running your house, like put kids to bed in their clothes for the next day. It saves time in the morning and saves laundry. Simplify meals. we have a lot of cereal and milk around here, tuna, omelettes, pasta...

causemommysaid

Wed, Dec 02 2015, 10:44 am

I would take the job. You are a new graduate and need the experience and the money. It sounds like an opportunity.

if you have 4 children under 4, an in home babysitter might be ideal and that would be easier for you, you can arrange for her to make the dinner and you don't have to do any driving to babysitters.

SRS

Wed, Dec 02 2015, 11:00 am

What was your plan when you started going to school and having children during that time?
You say you need the money, but presumably you have been surviving while you are in school. What are your current income sources? What is changing?

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