Ideas for ppl who dont dance @ weddings

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Sadie

Wed, Dec 16 2015, 5:59 am

Raisin wrote:

I can't imagine for a minute why such people would bother me. I'm sure people were doing those things at my wedding and it was completely normal to me. (too bad I wasn't allowed to join them) Well, I got married pre smartphone but all the other stuff.

Agreed. I got married way post smartphone and I loved that people were taking pictures and videos. They uploaded them to Facebook and Instagram in real time and the morning after the wedding we loved looking at them all, way before we got the official video and pictures back.

I also like that people who weren't able to come to the wedding got to see it through Facebook, and were commenting on the pictures with their love and good wishes. I got married in Israel so a lot of friends and family from home couldn't come. They really enjoyed being able to see the pictures.

DrMom

Wed, Dec 16 2015, 6:26 am

hotmom wrote:

If you come to my child's wedding I want you to dance! If you dislike dancing then stand at the end of the hall and chat with your friends... but what I mean is 'DON'T STAND RIGHT AROUND OR CENTER OF CIRCLE WATCHING!!'
And about the old granmas or aunts in wheelchairs....I think you have enough brains to understand I didn't mean them.
And for those who for health reasons can't dance.... sit by the tables by the wall...
I HATE THE STANDING CLOGGING CREW!!

Another point!! I think it's HORRIBLE!!! yes! HORRIBLE!! AND MESSY!!! to see watchers recording with their phones simchas... we pay photographers and videographers for a reason... I don't want my wedding pics and videos to be full of people standing with their phones in the air capturing moments...and blocking paid photographers views.
BEFORE YOU RESPOND... IMAGINE THIS AT YOUR OR YOUR CHILD'S WEDDING!!

Whoa.

I'm with you on the "standing clogging crew" in situations where space is tight. Otherwise I don't care much. I'm not as militant or riled up about it as you seem to be, though.

Not much you can do about people videoing with cellphones. Maybe they want to share your simcha with invitees from abroad who could not attend? That's not so "HORRIBLE!!" is it?

amother

Magenta

Wed, Dec 16 2015, 6:36 am

I am clumsy and embarrassed to dance at weddings. I do the minimum. Sorry Hotmom, but I don't think my friends would want me to stay home because of this.

I would enjoy looking at photo albums of the chosen and kallah as kids or their engagement. They can be made inexpensively these days and set up in a side area.

notshanarishona

Wed, Dec 16 2015, 6:57 am

I think having an activity for the non dancers could really take away from the dancing.
There is always food and drinks. Generally non dancers sit and watch or if they are polite, dance in the outer circle where the pace is more slow and not graceful.

animeme

Wed, Dec 16 2015, 6:58 am

I would hope that with weddings where care is taken that men should not see the women dance, that people would not publicly share pictures or especially videos of dancing on the women's side in venues where men will see. That would deter my dd as the kallah from dancing at her own wedding.

Other than that, many people get their nachas from watching others dance. I'm good with that.

mommy3b2c

Wed, Dec 16 2015, 8:54 am

Am I the only one who thinks its a little rude to expect a special activity so that you should be entertained at a wedding if you cant or wont dance? Weddings are not for entertainment purposes. We are there to give the bride and groom joy, not the other way around. That being said, many people prefer not to dance and thats fine. You can stand and clap, take pictures, stand and watch, eat, chat with friends...but its really not the hosts job to entertain you. A wedding is not an entertainment venue.

eschaya

Wed, Dec 16 2015, 9:22 am

I find it offputting to suggest "entertainment" options for those who don't want to dance. What is the point of being a guest at a wedding? The point is to be mesameach the chassan and kallah, not to have them (or whoever is paying) be mesameach you. True, some are mesameach by dancing and others just by their presence and mazal tov wishes, but expecting - or even considering - providing alternate entertainment seems wrong.
I have no problem with those who are talking, catching up, sitting and eating, etc. No one has to dance. But to expect there to be alternate forms of entertainment just seems to be taking away from the point of the wedding, which is to focus entirely on the chassan and kallah and make this a special day for THEM (not the guests...).
Of course, the elderly and infirm will not be dancing, but they are usually wheeled into the center and danced around, or brought to the perimeter of the dance floor to clap and otherwise be included in the category of dancing.

Wed, Dec 16 2015, 9:37 am

I think the OP is trying to be considerate of the guests' comfort, not wanting them to get bored. Not unlike putting a totally unnecessary toiletry basket in the ladies' room or sending goodie bags to the hotel for out of town guests. That's nice of her, but I'm not sure of the best way to accomplish that at the reception other than providing a quiet area for guests to spend time together.

amother

Magenta

Wed, Dec 16 2015, 10:02 am

The question from the OP is for suggestions for entertainment, not judgement from the klal on whether she should or shouldn't offer it. Also she did not say people expect it - she wants to offer it.

Amarante

Wed, Dec 16 2015, 11:34 am

As others have posted, many people don't want to dance all evening fir any number of reasons. Even if not visibly infirm, a 40 year old probably would be more of a spectator than someone in their 20's. Seems pretty natural to me and dancing isn't the only way to fully enjoy a simcha.

I think many really just enjoy the opportunity to catch up and shmooze with family and friends one doesn't see often. Especially you don't see in combinations when extended meshpucha or long lost people are there.

I don't know if it is feasible or would be seen as disrespectful, but I think many would appreciate a quieter lounge area where they could actually talk to people they haven't seen in awhile. I don't think entertainment is necessary for people at a simcha but I do think that for many the entertainment if they aren't dancing is enjoying the communal joy of the simcha and the ability to catch up with people. Obviously, it's a night to celebrate the couple but every hostess also wants her guests to have a wonderful evening or people wouldn't worry at all about food and ambience :-)

Again not sure if is feasible, but slides of the couple throughout their lives is generally very appreciated and could possibly be part of the quieter area.

etky

Wed, Dec 16 2015, 11:48 am

Amarante wrote:

Right. When I was 20 I was an inner-circle dancer and when I'm, ahem, older than I am now I'll probably be one of those who remain at the table throughout the dancing. Now, in my 40's I want to be close to the action and to be part of it but not consistently and not when the 'young whippersnappers' are dancing very wildly as they do at most weddings that I attend. I've been trodden on too many times by over-excited me-sameyachers. I stick to the slower outer circles but often there is just no room for the more sedate guests to dance. That is when I become a 'clogger' Confused

and stand on the side-lines clapping until it is 'safe' to join in again. Honestly, I never knew, until this thread, that I was viewed as such. I always thought that at my age (not quite decrepit enough not to be expected to dance) it was more polite to stand nearby the dancing and clap than to not show any interest by remaining at the table talking. I guess you learn something new every day...

MrsDuby

Wed, Dec 16 2015, 12:29 pm

Hi Ladies,
(for those of you following - I'm the original poster) -

I just wanted wanted to thank you all for chiming in and giving your opinions on the matter. It was interesting to hear the "other side" of things.

I just want to point out one little detail -- many of you have said that "a wedding is to be mesameach the chosson and kallah - not to be entertained." While I TOTALLY 100% agree, there is the aspect, that people also come for the parents of the chosson and kallah, as it is their simcha. (According to some opinions. Obviously in different circles the parents dont play such a huge role in the wedding planning)...

having said that - yes - a lot of the older guests - dance for a minute or two, but spend the rest of the evening catching up with the in laws or other older family members.

I like the idea of having a guestbook of some kind (maybe a video guest book) ... and have the guests who arent dancing to participate in that.... I'll have to think of some ideas.

Thank you again for participating in the discussion! I appreciate it.

geulah papyrus

Wed, Dec 16 2015, 12:51 pm

If my guests are happy, then I'm happy. And if my guests are happy watching the dancing, then I'm happy that they're happy. And if they're happy catching up with old friends, then I'm happy. And if they're happy dancing, then I'm happy.

amother

cornflower

Wed, Dec 16 2015, 1:19 pm

amother wrote:

me too ... for some reason I'm also embarrassed and quite clumsy. I hate the dancing and after I put in the minimal time that I need to - say for a family chasuna, I am on the side. I'm embarrassed to be on the side too .... it's not like you can talk to people as the music is too loud and there is no food being served during dancing.

I know I have a problem .... at my stage in life (40's) I don't think there is much to do about it. It does bother me very much that I can't run into a circle and totally be misameach the kallah. I dread wedding because of it.

Fox

Wed, Dec 16 2015, 1:59 pm

Amarante wrote:

I don't know if it is feasible or would be seen as disrespectful, but I think many would appreciate a quieter lounge area where they could actually talk to people they haven't seen in awhile.

This! I've given up hoping for chassunah music to be anything less than eardrum-piercing. IMHO, part of the reason non-dancers are at loose ends is because they're not able to converse. Ideally, the volume would allow for conversation, but barring that, a well-publicized area where people could chat would be wonderful.

hotmom wrote:

Another point!! I think it's HORRIBLE!!! yes! HORRIBLE!! AND MESSY!!! to see watchers recording with their phones simchas... we pay photographers and videographers for a reason... I don't want my wedding pics and videos to be full of people standing with their phones in the air capturing moments...and blocking paid photographers views.

This made me smile!

Back in the Dark Ages, when I got married (okay, 1985), it was considered declasse for photographers to be in the way. In fact, a selling point for photographers was how unobtrusive they could be! Videos were considered a bit "nouveau riche" -- the kind of thing done by people with more money than sense. In fact, DH's rosh yeshiva wouldn't be mesadar kedushin at a wedding that was being filmed.

My own philosophy is to take it a step further: if we're arranging things for the photographers and videographers, why not go all the way!

For example, why go crazy finding the perfect dress? Just Photoshop it in after the fact!

Truthfully, I'm not going to add much aesthetically to the photos, so why not have a more attractive actress play my role? I'm thinking Meryl Streep or maybe Diane Keaton. They're older than I am, but they both have a timeless, classy vibe. Not sure who I'd select by play DH, but I'm sure there will be suggestions!

asmileaday

Wed, Dec 16 2015, 2:30 pm

I think the best entertainment for non dancers and dancers alike, would be music at a decent volume so the guests can actually converse without having to resort to sign language.

greenfire

Wed, Dec 16 2015, 2:35 pm

greenfire wrote:

p.s.s. fill in your own punctuation :!:

MiracleMama wrote:

Why???

I got tired

etky

Wed, Dec 16 2015, 3:10 pm

asmileaday wrote:

I think the best entertainment for non dancers and dancers alike, would be music at a decent volume so the guests can actually converse without having to resort to sign language.

Halevai....
It really just ruins the event when the music is too loud. And it almost always is.

thunderstorm

Wed, Dec 16 2015, 3:13 pm

At my brothers wedding, there were two girls, sisters, about ages 6 and 10 that did a beautiful graceful dance , with matching gowns and glitter dripping from their hands...it was so adorable and stunning at the same time. They were the daughters of my brother's friend...the band stopped playing and they turned on their dance music instead...This dance was done only in the women's section...but it was really entertaining ...

Ruchel

Wed, Dec 16 2015, 3:42 pm

People are adults, they don't need games, activities, occupation laid out for them.

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