I am overwhelmed to the max with my kids' school....HELP!

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amother

Apricot

Thu, Dec 17 2015, 12:22 pm

Ok, so I have 2 kids that are in a new school this year, both lower elementary grades. Until now they have always been regarded as good students, right at grade level or above.

Now, in the new school they are struggling. The school is very academically advanced and I knew that going in but figured they'd catch up with some help. They are bright kids.

Now, several months in, and paying obscene amounts for tutoring, I am still getting messages almost daily from the teachers that the kids are having problems. They didn't complete all their homework, they're struggling with the math lessons, they don't seem ready for the science test, they left their folder at home 2 days in a row, etc., etc.

I am freaking out. Every day I am already assisting them with homework and most days they get some tutoring too. But there are only so many hours to do homework. They are young kids. They have no time to just play or relax and still they are not getting everything done.
I feel like the school has them for so many hours already, can't they do their job? Should a 1st or 3rd grader have 3 hours of homework? When should they do it? They get home around 5 PM. I like them to get to bed at 8 PM to get enough rest to function. That's 3 hours right there. And they also need time to eat dinner. And shower, brush teeth, etc. And should they not have some time to do something they want???

I guess I'm just venting. I know people will say that if I don't like the school, just take them out. But the thing is that I do like so many things about the school. And I liked it a lot better than any of the other schools I looked at for my kids. But now it's like they're drowning and I'm drowning with them.

I wonder what more I can do to get my kids caught up and organized. I also wonder if the issue is my kids, or is it the school or is it just these 2 particular teachers? Interestingly, neither of them has any issues with their other teachers for chumash, kriyah, etc. It's all on the english/ secular side.

Well, I'm just annoyed and don't know how to proceed. I wonder if I should ask to come in and observe one day. Do schools usually allow this?

Please, any input appreciated like you wouldn't believe. I feel really desperate!

MagentaYenta

Thu, Dec 17 2015, 12:31 pm

I've only heard of 3 hours of homework for grades 1-3 from mothers whose children are in religious schools. From my experiences with public schooled children, it's not the norm. With regards to incomplete homework, are you checking your children's work to see if it is complete? I was very hands off with my kids homework, it was their job not mine. I only checked to see if they completed the assignment. If it was an essay and incomplete I told them to check the work against the requirement of the assignment. In public school we were able to get copies of the curriculum so that a parent was aware of what was being covered from term to term and class to class. As a parent I found this really helpful when looking at the quantity and quality of home assignments.

yOungM0mmy

Thu, Dec 17 2015, 12:35 pm

My kids are in religious schools, age 6-9, and get max 10 minutes of review homework from the kodesh subjects, and 2 set tasks per week (1 spelling, 1 math/times table, plus reading), max 1 hour, for english homework, but it comes home on Monday for Thursday, or on Wednesday for the following Tuesday.

smss

Thu, Dec 17 2015, 12:36 pm

I would also be very confused if I were you. If your kids are doing fine with a second language (Chumash, Kriyah) it's highly unlikely that there's a LD-related reason they're having trouble with secular studies, and anyway you said they're bright kids. In no way is 3 hours of HW normal or appropriate for a 1st OR 3rd grader. Do the teachers expect it to/know that it takes that long? Was the secular studies curriculum in their old school exceptionally weak? Something's not adding up...

the world's best mom

Thu, Dec 17 2015, 12:38 pm

OP, you should talk to my dh. He is very upset about the amount of homework my kids get- maybe an hours worth each night. We try to squeeze it in as well as we can, but sometimes it's difficult.

5*Mom

Thu, Dec 17 2015, 12:39 pm

I'd speak to other parents to get a feel for how their kids are handling the heavy (understatement!) workload.

Amarante

Thu, Dec 17 2015, 12:57 pm

As others have posted, that's an extreme amount of homework for a child of that age especially tacked onto what appears to be a very long day. That is effectively a longer work day than most adults.

Something isn't adding up. Have you had a conference with the teachers.

My layperson's opinion is that having such a grueling regimen at such an early age might cause any normal kid to balk at studies. I would have :-)

sky

Thu, Dec 17 2015, 12:59 pm

The homework sounds like a lot.

My 4th grader has about 25 minutes of homework including speech (but only 15 minutes of my time). [Math and English\Spelling and Chumash\Mishnayos]

My 2nd grader has about 30 - 40 minutes of homework including speech (I have to be involved for most of it). [Math or English and Chumans, Kriyah and Translating reivew]

My 1st grader has about 10 minutes of homework. [review 20 sight words, 10 reading words based on rule learned and 5 minutes of hebrew kriyah practice].

(Regarding the comment about being good at hebrew makes you good at English is not a given, one of my sons has excellent kriya and chumash skills, can read fast and accurate and translate and understand. it doesn't translate to good English skills. English spelling and grammar rules are much more complicated with hundreds of exceptions, and he struggles much more with English reading, spelling and comprehension).

mommyla

Thu, Dec 17 2015, 1:00 pm

That's ridiculous. My 2nd grader does max 15 minutes of homework a night, and that includes kvetching about it and trying to avoid it.

FranticFrummie

Thu, Dec 17 2015, 1:17 pm

Not only is that an insane amount of homework for kids that little, it is an extremely long day. I don't know how kids that young can hold it together for that long. DD was always home by 2:45 at the latest.

It is very important for kids to have free play time, to unwind, and to develop creativity and problem solving skills.

sky

Thu, Dec 17 2015, 1:18 pm

sorry it probably wasn't a help to specify how long my kids spend on homework.

Can you setup a phone conference to talk to each teacher and see
- how long they think homework should take
- What skills would help your children do better, what is important to focus on
- How they can help your children succeed

Perhaps you could also speak with the head of the department and see if they have any opinion or can be a help in the area.

Is it possible the teachers are biased against your children because they just joined the school and their skills were not up to par and they don't want to be bothered with helping them succeed. If there is such an undercurrent then it may be impeding your kids from doing well.

amother

Indigo

Thu, Dec 17 2015, 1:36 pm

Is it possible the teacher is sending them home with extra work in order to catch them up?
Have you've spoken to the other parents?
I would ask them how long it takes for their kids to do HW, and how they cope with all the work. NEVER complain to them about the teacher. Just ask, oh, by the way how long does it take for your 1st/3rd grader to do HW.
If they tell you about 3 hours, ask how they do it. Don't say that it's too much. You never know what can get back to the teacher.

notshanarishona

Thu, Dec 17 2015, 1:39 pm

Is the new school a much higher level academically than their previous school? Could it be that it's not a good fit or too big of a jump?

imasinger

Thu, Dec 17 2015, 1:53 pm

Before asking to observe, I'd ask the teachers to arrange a meeting with you so you can get their assessment of the situation.

Are the other children in the class spending that much time on the homework? If not, why not? How can your children catch up to the level while not being overwhelmed? Can the teachers modify the assignments so that the kids are getting the essence while not having to do extra, at least until they adjust better?

These are all the questions you should be asking them. Take your time with the meetings, and ask a whole lot of questions, be sure you understand their perspective on the issues. That's first.

Second, follow up with your kids; see if their impressions match that of their teachers.

(Last night, I had a p-t conference, and found out that the reason DS's math HW was taking longer than I thought it should was because he was doing something that the teacher had used ONCE as an example of ONE way to solve a problem. For whatever reason, he decided that he always had to do it that way, even though it took forever, and he already understood how to do the work. After talking to the teacher, I could say firmly to DS that he should do it the shorter, easier way, and it took 3 minutes instead of 15.)

Third, you may also want to meet with the tutors, and see what they have to say about the kids' progress.

After that, if you still feel that observation will help fill in some of the missing pieces, ask if you can.

amother

Hotpink

Thu, Dec 17 2015, 2:32 pm

My son is 7, in a smaller classroom with extra help because he isn't on grade level. He also has way too much homework and I told the teacher it's just too much.
He cannot do a full math worksheet, science or social studies sheet plus spelling words or sentences plus study flashcards all in one night. Plus hebrew homework.
I think you need to tell the teachers it's too much, and decide together what the kids can /cannot do.

amother

Slategray

Thu, Dec 17 2015, 2:53 pm

My 2nd grader usually has 2 hours of homework every day, I also think it's a lot.

boysrus

Thu, Dec 17 2015, 11:02 pm

amother wrote:

My 2nd grader usually has 2 hours of homework every day, I also think it's a lot.

you think 2hrs is a lot of homework for a 2nd grader? Well its not just a lot, its crazy, completely nutty to give that much h/w to a 7 or 8 yr old!

amother

Blonde

Thu, Dec 17 2015, 11:12 pm

notshanarishona wrote:

Is the new school a much higher level academically than their previous school? Could it be that it's not a good fit or too big of a jump?

This is what I was thinking.

gold21

Thu, Dec 17 2015, 11:55 pm

My 2nd grader gets about 30 min of hw and I think that's a lot. My fourth grader gets anywhere between 20 to 45 min of homework a night.

Three hours ?? At that age?? Sooo unhealthy and unfair to them

amother

Slategray

Fri, Dec 18 2015, 12:18 am

boysrus wrote:

you think 2hrs is a lot of homework for a 2nd grader? Well its not just a lot, its crazy, completely nutty to give that much h/w to a 7 or 8 yr old!

I agree, it is crazy! I guess some schools don't realize the amount they give. Kids already have a long day at school, plus homework,extra activities, shower, dinner, they barely have any time to play during the week.

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