Supporting Married Kids - How much

amother

White

Mon, Dec 21 2015, 11:46 am

Do you support your young married kids or were you supported as a newlywed? How much per month for how many years

I already had a degree when I got married. My parents paid for my degree. They did not support me.

Please do not turn this thread into the rights or wrongs of helping the married kids. I am really just curious for numbers.

amother

Lilac

Mon, Dec 21 2015, 11:50 am

We got $800 from my parents for 2 years. 2 months before the 2 years were up, my father called to let us know that he'll be stopping to give us.

We're chassidish, if it matters, and this was not part of our shidduch deal. Financing the young couple was not talked about. I always felt bad that my parents, who have no more money than my in-laws, were the only set of parents to give. But because it wasn't discussed before, we had zero expectations. I was earning about 22K a year and DH learned in kollel.

Forgot to add that rent was 1300/month.

Iymnok

Mon, Dec 21 2015, 11:52 am

What's your income, what are your regular expenses, do you expect either of them to work, are you paying for their schooling, for how long?

Some pay for just rent and utilities. Some also the groceries. Some, all the couples needs plus date nights and birthday/anniversary dinners and gifts.

It depends on your budget and preferences.

Keep in mind the rest of your children.

amother

Magenta

Mon, Dec 21 2015, 12:06 pm

My parents and in-laws each gave us $1000 per month while my husband learned in kollel and I was in grad school. This was for 2 years. We did not expect anything and were beyond grateful for this very generous support from our parents. It was a huge help during the beginning of our marriage until we were able to support ourselves.
Both sides have other married children and try to do this for each kid, son or daughter. Neither side is particularly wealthy, and I believe they use ma'aser money for this.
I really hope to be able to do the same for my children when they are grown.

amother

Hotpink

Mon, Dec 21 2015, 12:11 pm

My parents and in laws were kind enough to cover our rent while my dh was in kollel. My parents still give us that amount but my in laws stopped when my husband got a full time job. Now my in laws give us $1000 a month for my husband's therapy which has been a marriage saver and will probably be a total of 1.5-2 years.

mommy3b2c

Mon, Dec 21 2015, 12:16 pm

My parents and in laws split the rent for two years. They also helped us out by buying clothing for us and the kids and buying groceries. We were both in school at the time, and my husband was starting a business.

mha3484

Mon, Dec 21 2015, 12:23 pm

My MIL owns an apartment that DH lived in when he was single. She lives in another state. We rent it out and are allowed to keep the rent until she decides she wants it herself. Its work, we find the tenants, deal with maintenance issues etc but it helps us tremendously.

It is a great learning experience as well. We are really thinking about buying a two flat as opposed to a condo because we are not afraid of being a landlord.

amother

Wheat

Mon, Dec 21 2015, 12:49 pm

we got married in college and our parents each gave us $10,000 a year plus mine helped out with clothing and books for school. We worked in the summers to help cover the rest of our expenses. when we graduates college my parents bought me a used car and loaned us money ( which we repaid) to buy a used car for my husband. Now we both work and my parents pay for my therapy and some of my GI bills (since they never took me to a doctor to deal with some issues as a child and they feel bad) but otherwise we are independant. We could afford to cover all our costs but my parents are well off and do not mind us having money to save at this point. I feel very blessed to have had help from my in laws and to have help from my parents.

amother

Tangerine

Mon, Dec 21 2015, 1:34 pm

We were both in graduate school so both parents helped with tuition and some expenses but it was minimal- rent, medical and basic food.

amother

Mustard

Mon, Dec 21 2015, 1:49 pm

Nothing. We were on our own pretty much from day 1.

Over the last few years, my in laws have helped us out a bit financially with simchos (we are up to the bar/bas mitzva stage) and when I had a health issue and was not able to do much they helped pay for cleaning help.

My parents too but they have less money and a lot more kids.

oliveoil

Mon, Dec 21 2015, 1:55 pm

amother wrote:

We were both in graduate school so both parents helped with tuition and some expenses but it was minimal- rent, medical and basic food.

How is that minimal? tuition, rent, medical bills and food?

MagentaYenta

Mon, Dec 21 2015, 1:59 pm

oliveoil wrote:

How is that minimal? tuition, rent, medical bills and food?

TY. I think calling these basic and necessary expenses 'minimal' is a function of how folks view money. It's gonna be minimal if mom and dad are paying for it, but major once the adult children step up to the plate and become self supporting.

amother

Cobalt

Mon, Dec 21 2015, 2:04 pm

My husband is in his 3rd year of kollel. My parents give us $700 per month but both my parents and in laws also give occasional gifts, like buying things for our baby when she was born. I work and BH the amount is enough of a supplement for us also to put some money away (my parents are aware of this).

amother

Fuchsia

Mon, Dec 21 2015, 2:15 pm

I'm MO but one of my dd's is a BY-type. She's not in the shidduch parsha yet, which is a scene I'm entirely unfamiliar with. I'm going to assume some for of support will be expected, but if I can only give about $500/month for a couple of years, will she be doomed?

amother

Cyan

Mon, Dec 21 2015, 2:18 pm

My parents are very,very generous. We are living in israel and we get 3,000 a month. I did work for my father for a few years before I got married for a minimal amount and he said he will take care of me while my husband is learning iyH....which he is doing. We are SO SO GRATEFUL. We still have to dip into savings to make yomim tovim etc.

Eta- rent is 1900$ so that is most of it.... We live in a gorgeous apmt right in the center. I really beleive this affects my quality of life,easier pregnancies etc bc its so fresh and pretty.

amother

Brunette

Mon, Dec 21 2015, 2:30 pm

amother wrote:

I don't think that she will be doomed! Shidduchim is a complicated thing, but people still seem to get married anyway. I would advise that she study for a practical degree such as speech therapy or occupational therapy, or nursing/physician assistant, etc. That way when she enters shidduchim it will be obvious that she is bringing income into the relationship.

My parents didn't offer any support for me because they were MO (and didn't have the money) and I was more BY type. I was annoyed but it weeded out some guys and left other ones who were okay that I would be earning the income on my own.

amother

Natural

Mon, Dec 21 2015, 2:48 pm

Where are families getting an extra several hundred - or more - to give to their married children?
We are yeshivish, my husband and I both work, but we barely make it to the end of the month. My daughter will be in shidduchim in a couple of years.... is this the way it has to be?

MagentaYenta

Mon, Dec 21 2015, 2:53 pm

amother wrote:

You can be a trailblazer and let your kids find their own spouses and opt out of it. There will be fallout. If not you will have to budget and save.

amother

Fuchsia

Mon, Dec 21 2015, 2:57 pm

amother wrote:

I'm assuming once tuition doesn't have to be paid anymore, the money can come from that.