Have your parents ever turned down your request for money?

amother

Coral

Tue, Dec 22 2015, 2:10 pm

I've never asked.

sometimes when I tell them about a big ticket purchase (such as new refrigerator), if it is around a life event - birthday, anniversary - they will offer to contribute a portion of the cost as a gift. It is very helpful when they do that and we always appreciate it.

But I would never ask and don't expect it.

amother

Chartreuse

Tue, Dec 22 2015, 2:42 pm

I don't ask. Sometimes they hear about a major issue and offer to chip in. Like when DH was in a big accident and was having emergency surgery etc. we all met in the ER while they evaluated him. I was given the payment forms to sign and when I reached for my credit card I was at a loss where it was. I was obviously a total mess-worried about DH, kids shipped off to a family member and nervous about them since it was last minute, they didn't have their stuff really... I couldn't find my head. I was glad I packed diapers! Forget about PJs!
FIL just grabbed his wallet and paid our coinsurance. Expensive. Totally grateful until today. I didn't ask. In similar situations he has helped, same with my parents. But I am an adult and should take care of it myself. But having family by your side is amazing. Especially when a true emergency strikes. (Emotionally and financially. I needed someone there to help me advocate for DH).

shoshanim999

Tue, Dec 22 2015, 3:20 pm

amother wrote:

As a child, absolutely. As a grown responsible adult, why in earth would I request money from them? What

You seemed shocked that someone would ask a parent for help....Lets say your boiler breaks, you need to make a simcha, unexpected medical bills.....surely you understand that not everyone has thousands of dollars lying around and sometimes parents can help.

SRS

Tue, Dec 22 2015, 3:23 pm

We were about to buy a large asset and had the money locked in a CD (back when CDs actually paid real money) and we did not want to break it, but would have the money 6 months later to repay, so we asked if they would float the funds and they said no. In the end, we ended buying something else another year and a half later.

amother

Periwinkle

Tue, Dec 22 2015, 3:23 pm

amother wrote:

As a child, absolutely. As a grown responsible adult, why in earth would I request money from them? What

Really? I've asked, more than once.
-when we discovered we would need fertility treatment
-when we found out we were expecting multiples. We started ttc when we had money for a baby. Not 3.
-when our babies started walking and we needed a larger apartment asap

In theory, I agree with your sentiment. But my life has played out in many ways that I never dreamed it would, and my parents have provided me with security and support through very rocky times that I could never have predicted.

amother

Bisque

Tue, Dec 22 2015, 3:30 pm

I've never asked, since I probably have more money than my parent nowadays. I'm not well of at all, its just that they're in major debt and have no money to their name. If they would have I doubt they would say no when I'd ask.

Amarante

Tue, Dec 22 2015, 3:33 pm

I don't think I've ever but my parents have given me money to help with unexpected large emergencies. They also gave me and my siblings down payments for our first homes.

My parents are not wealthy by any means but they both had good jobs with the City and were frugal by nature so they have plenty saved for themselves and for a retirements. In some ways, they are giving money that I would have inherited anyway.

I guess there has always been a tacit understanding that if it is for a necessity like teeth or medical or to fix a car, that they could help if I mentioned it. I wouldn't dream of asking money nor have they given me money for discretionary spending like for a vacation. And they have never subsidized a lifestyle that I couldn't afford in terms of giving me money to augment family income except of course, when I was in school and they paid for that so that I was able to graduate without student loans through graduate professional school - although I was lucky enough to get into a Top 10 graduate school with low tuition :-)

amother

Coral

Tue, Dec 22 2015, 4:03 pm

shoshanim999 wrote:

this question isn't directed to you, but along this line of thinking.

Why is it more likely that your parents would ha thousands of dollars lying around then you, I'm assuming they have been paying tuition all these years, making bar mitzvahs, saving for retirement, Making weddings). Where does all this spare cash come from?

In 20 years are you going to have thousands of dollars lying around to give you your own children for simchas, repairs, bills, etc?

amother

Jetblack

Tue, Dec 22 2015, 4:09 pm

shoshanim999 wrote:

I don't have thousands of dollars lying around and neither do my parents. When things come up we have to just figure it out on our own. Not everyone has wealthy parents as a safety net. If your parents can help, great. But the way the op was worded, as though asking your parents for money is the norm, just rubbed me the wrong way.

amother

Firebrick

Tue, Dec 22 2015, 5:38 pm

SRS wrote:

Same here, with slightly different details.

amother

Magenta

Tue, Dec 22 2015, 5:55 pm

amother wrote:

BH my father in law does very well in business (self employed) and makes enough to support, in one way or another) all of the children. When we were looking to buy a house, it was a given that they would help out financially. We didn't ask, they didn't offer, it was just a given.
My parents on the other hand.....well let's just say their financial situation has gone from not so great to really bad.

amother

Beige

Tue, Dec 22 2015, 5:56 pm

When an unexpected expense came up, dh asked his parents (they're well off). They said "Go ask Zaidy" (Zaidy still supports our in-laws). So dh went to Zaidy who said "I give enough money to your parents to be able to give you too". Dh ended up borrowing money from someone else and then his family was upset that he asked others. Rolling Eyes

amother

Indigo

Tue, Dec 22 2015, 6:04 pm

shoshanim999 wrote:

In my world parents are no more likely to have spare cash floating around to pay for our disasters/ financial sinkholes. That is what rainy day savings, loans and credit cards are for. At what point in your life do you decide to take responsibility for your own finances? Or is that why you all fight over the yerusha?

This is the problem with marrying children to children, they never learn to grow up and become independent, even when they are parents of older children themselves.

amother

Magenta

Tue, Dec 22 2015, 6:15 pm

amother wrote:

In my world, when parents have money, they are generally happy to "spread the wealth" within limits. They are not the bank or the money tree, but if they have money it's ok to ask for some on rare occasions for non-frivolities. That doesn't mean kids don't have rainy day savings, but 1) said savings may not be enough 2) other things may have come up and kids had to dip into savings, even though they didn't want to 3) numerous other things.
I can assure you we take care of our own finances. We pay our own bills. My parents and in laws should all live ad meah vesrim, and at that point I guarantee there will be no fighting among siblings for the yerusha. I find the tone of your post quite condescending, as if to imply that ONLY people whose parents help them out occasionally fight over yerushas and can't take care of themselves.