How Do Shalom Zachors Work?

amother

Orange

Tue, Dec 22 2015, 8:47 pm

So I've never been to a shalom zachor in my life, but I'm expecting a boy soon. How do shalom zachors work? What food do I need to prepare? Do I need to specifically invite people? Do I need to show my face? (Or the baby's face?) What do people expect?

I know the answers are probably different for different communities. We are not Chassidish, and we live in an OOT American community with people from a lot of different backgrounds. I guess any insights from MO to yeshivish would be applicable...

One last question- what is the hashkafa behind a shalom zachor? Why do we do it? And why only for boys and not girls?

TIA!

amother

Taupe

Tue, Dec 22 2015, 9:02 pm

I have made 2 shalom zachors, soon to be a third. It's not a huge deal. They both took place at shul, me and the baby stayed home. It is traditional to serve beer and chickpeas and nuts, don't remember why. Some people go all out with tons of refreshments, but we just stuck with the traditional foods I just listed. It's usually announced in shul, people just show up after finishing their Shabbos meals. This time of year, it won't be so late.

amother

Powderblue

Tue, Dec 22 2015, 9:19 pm

We did 3, thank you Hashem! Yeshivish family.

We had it in the house, we did it just for 'men only' so I can hide upstairs with the baby. Wed bought some Kiddush platters, had beer, and chickpeas. Some schnapps too I think, and some neighbors and friends were nice enough to bring over some goodies of their own.

Friday night after dinner.

I forgot the reason but I remember the book Otzar Habris has such good insight onto so many things regarding having a baby boy, I think it had for Shalom Zachor too.

b'sha'a tova Smile

Seas

Tue, Dec 22 2015, 9:31 pm

amother wrote:

I know the answers are probably different for different communities. We are not Chassidish, and we live in an OOT American community with people from a lot of different backgrounds. I guess any insights from MO to yeshivish would be applicable...

My guess is your best bet would be to ask people in your community, as they'd be able to tell you the most accurately what is expected.

Optione

Tue, Dec 22 2015, 9:58 pm

One reason I know of is because baby boys are weaker than baby girls. We celebrate the fact that the boy made it to Shabbos.

mille

Wed, Dec 23 2015, 11:35 am

I've been to a few. It varies whether mom and baby show up, and they are only ever there if it's in their home. Mostly cakes and whatnot are served, and lots of booze. I have been to a few Friday night things like a shalom Zach or for a baby girl too so that's not unheard of.

chocolatecake

Wed, Dec 23 2015, 11:54 am

I grew up in an oot yeshivish community. Shalom Zachors were in the house. Men were in dining room. Ladies in kitchen. If Mom and and baby were home they showed face. Do not feel pressured to stay the whole time. It is very understandable if you are tired or the baby needs to eat or whatever. As far as food there was cakes, cookies, nuts, candy, soda, beer, schnapps and of course chickpeas. Usually neighbors send things too. Shalom zachor food was more or less the same food as kiddush for a girl in the house but more booze chickpeas and overall a little simpler.

thunderstorm

Wed, Dec 23 2015, 12:00 pm

Most take place in shul where your husband davens after the shabbos seudah, but I've had my last baby's shalom zachor in my home. It was just for men (I've never heard of women attending ) Beer, nuts, chocolates, popcorn, chickpeas etc. are the foods I know of , in addition to anything else you want to add, but those are the basics. Me and baby were sleeping while all the men sang and ate....(we did it Chasidish style)

Iymnok

Wed, Dec 23 2015, 12:09 pm

Yeshivish in Israel, the minhag in general is chickpeas (Arbis) and beer.
Some Coke and other refreshments are nice too.
The men come and sing, say shema *with* the baby and give the father brachos.
Lots of friends sent over goodies.
IME it's always at home, the mothers friends sometimes come too.

Last edited by Iymnok on Wed, Dec 23 2015, 12:10 pm; edited 1 time in total

mha3484

Wed, Dec 23 2015, 12:10 pm

For my oldest son who was born in the winter, a lot of my friends came. The meal was over early and many had small babies who were more portable or no children at all. For my second and third my friends were at the stage where kids bedtimes were a bigger deal and only men came.