What do you think of BY girls being forced to clean?

amother

Ecru

Tue, Apr 05 2016, 1:37 pm

nywife wrote:

You mean the story was covered up? 🙈
Seriously though, how is this trip any different than regular (usually weekly) Chessed trips? OP, are you ok with that but just not with the cleaning aspect?

LOL

The local Rabbi pressured the parents of the girls.

I am not OK with chessed in someone's house unless I personally know the family. There is inadequate supervision, and the families are only vetted because they know someone who can give them free labor. Usually, if you are in a position of needing chessed, the household is not functioning at prime level. I hate for my daughter to be trapped in a house for a few hours with only one other innocent girl as protection.

amother

Coral

Tue, Apr 05 2016, 1:40 pm

My high school fidntjis. In 9th grade I went to someone they assigned me to. I felt so bad though cuz it was a girl my sister was friendly with house.....didn't know beforehand
Tenth grade my mother had a baby right after purim and they said u can stay home. 11th grade I babysat fir a neighbor as my chessed and 12th grade I stayed home and cleaned at home.
I think the programs are horrible. I would not want my daughter ever going.

gold21

Tue, Apr 05 2016, 1:42 pm

Sounds strange to me
Like high school girls are a commodity
Clean her house! No, clean my house! No, clean your own house (which is the only one that makes sense)!

My BY high school did not ask us to clean anyones houses. If they did, im sure my mom wouldve spoken up for us.

Anyway...
Where are all the high school boys?

Lol

amother

Aquamarine

Tue, Apr 05 2016, 2:09 pm

Not a fan.
I hate the idea of mandatory Chessed in general. In my opinion, the school is trying to win people's favor by forcing their girls to do free labor. In fact, I don't know about most schools, but in my school the school didn't even arrange the Chessed jobs, there were Chessed heads. So the schools get credit for doing absolutely nothing.

And what girl is going to be willing to clean her house after already cleaning someone else's? It's hard enough to get her to clean without it.

Yes, Chessed is beautiful, but should be optional and not forced. Give them an incentive, but please don't make it mandatory.

SRS

Tue, Apr 05 2016, 2:59 pm

We don't have this issue, but I find both the forced chessed and the dictation of hours in one's own home to be inappropriate. This is the venue of the parents. If the parents want whatever number of hours of cleaning or cooking for Pesach, they should ask it of their own children. This, like many other areas, should not be under the jurisdiction of the school.

gilamom

Tue, Apr 05 2016, 3:36 pm

Whatt?? Never heard of this either and wouldn't be okay with it because A) I need her help here and B) Even if I didn't need her help I'd rather her help a friend or neighbor in need than a complete stranger, I think every parent knows of someone that could use a high school girl for an hour or two to help out and don't see why they have to be handed out to random people.

dancingqueen

Tue, Apr 05 2016, 3:40 pm

We had chessed hours to do in my non BY HS, but most people did things like yachad, hasc, camp simcha, tutoring etc. I don't think anyone was sent to people's homes to clean.

During my year in Israel we also had chessed hours, and I went with a friend to someone's home. We did things like chopping onions, light cleaning, sifting flour and watching her kids.

But I understand that having "chessed girls" is common in some neighborhoods since people often suggest getting chessed girls to overwhelmed amothers. My Neighbors daughter did offer to watch my babies on shabbos afternoon for chessed hours and I admit that was sweet Smile

Chayalle

Tue, Apr 05 2016, 3:43 pm

When I was in seminary in E"Y I was sent to do Chessed at a family before Pesach...and she gave me her dirty, greasy, blackened stove top to clean.

OOTBubby

Tue, Apr 05 2016, 3:54 pm

My DD always told the story of doing chesed in seminary in EY where they gave her dirty laundry to iron (didn't wash it, just ironed it make it look fresher)!

Ema of 5

Tue, Apr 05 2016, 4:20 pm

amother wrote:

This is not fair and also untrue. I BH have 3 kids (one difficult one) and one on the way. I would love for someone to come for let's say 1.5-2 hours and help me get through supper, baths, and bedtime. That doesn't mean my house is not functioning at prime level, it just means I know I could benefit from help.

ldg

Tue, Apr 05 2016, 4:22 pm

rae wrote:

My high school did this to us. Came home crying after being asked to scrub out sticky encrusted drawers. Would not be comfortable letting my daughter do this unless I knew the family.

amother

Slateblue

Tue, Apr 05 2016, 4:27 pm

When I was in gateshead sem, I went w a friend to do chessed and help cook for shabbos. Their little son liked to annoy us, and one week stood there cursing us and calling us names. I never went back.
As far as cleaning for other people, please no. Just no. The second family I went to was also cooking for shabbos, but before pessach she insisted we help clean and sort her kids stuff. It was very uncomfortable for me .

FranticFrummie

Tue, Apr 05 2016, 4:31 pm

Well, I guess that's one way of teaching Home Ec!

I was lucky. My neighbor's teen thought I was a "cool mom", and they wanted to come over and help, if I shmoozed with them. They came with their parent's permission - it wasn't part of a school program.

Scrubbing a stove top or a cholent pot is not the end of the world. They'll have to do their own kitchens sooner or later. As long as their own parents have their cleaning under control, I don't see a problem with this in principle.

I can see a problem if a hard working girl is matched up with a lazy girl, and the good one ends up doing all the work. That would be really unfair.

Coffee Addict

Tue, Apr 05 2016, 4:42 pm

bnm wrote:

You must be new here.

I was thinking the same. She's not new here at all. The most bizarre? I have read much more bizarre stuff here. Surprised

Coffee Addict

Tue, Apr 05 2016, 4:44 pm

OOTBubby wrote:

My DD always told the story of doing chesed in seminary in EY where they gave her dirty laundry to iron (didn't wash it, just ironed it make it look fresher)!

amother

Beige

Tue, Apr 05 2016, 4:45 pm

The high school my daughters went to had a chessed program, once a week they went to a family to help out. And then one day before Pesach, around Rosh Chodesh Nissan, they also helped clean.
They were often not very organized with transportation (the alumni used to help with drop off and pick up) and my daughters had to wait for who knows how long.
So I used to transport my daughters by myself.
Boruch Hashem they had positive experiences and nice families! The school also told the families NOT to give heavy pesach work like ovens and such.