How often do you go on vacation without your kids

observer

Tue, Jun 07 2016, 9:25 am

slushiemom wrote:

your family is more than just your kids though, you don't realize how incredibly important it is to give your relationship with your husband that kind of time and focus once in awhile, until you actually do it...

as for having someone else deal with them, I agree it's a factor, but when we plan to go away we budget in the babysitter. Once I'm paying someone, I feel no guilt if they deal with cranky kids Tongue Out

it's part of the job description!

We definitely didn't do this as often when the kids were really little, but now they're bigger and it's much easier. they're 9,8,3 and all in school full day so all it is for the babysitter is an afternoon/evening, and getting them to school the next day. the 8 year old puts the 3 year old to sleep, and I have all clothing and food prepared for them. it's a lot of work going away, but SO worth it.

The ages of your kids makes a huge difference. It's a whole different story to leave an infant or toddler. At that age, they really do have a hard time even just for a couple of days.

It's also possible to nurture your relationship with your spouse without taking vacations during the infant toddler years. Go out on dates, have in house dates, sometimes we even both take off a day and spend the day together while kids are at their regular playgroup/school/babysitter.

Iyh when our kids our older we will take real "vacations". For now, with infants and toddlers k"ah, we try to be with them, since they really do need that. And we b'h nurture our marriage too.

observer

Tue, Jun 07 2016, 9:28 am

tichellady wrote:

Don't mean this in a mean way but I feel sad that so many women here have never gone on vacation without their kids. Am I just imposing my feelings on others or is it sad for you?

There's a time and place for everything. When your kids are really young, leaving them is not necessarily the right thing to do.

When they get older, out of the infant toddler stage, it's a whole different story.

Queen6

Tue, Jun 07 2016, 10:56 am

There is a fad to say "I don't leave my kids" "Now is not the time" "My kids will never manage without me..." "I'm too good of a mother..." Moms! Get a grip! A healthy child can be without their parents and it's very nice to get away. Getting away does not only mean 10 days in Europe. Any quiet time is good. A day in the city, eating out, going to Costco just the two of you... it's always nice and important. GO FOR IT - MAKE IT HAPPEN!

SRS

Tue, Jun 07 2016, 11:09 am

tichellady wrote:

Don't mean this in a mean way but I feel sad that so many women here have never gone on vacation without their kids. Am I just imposing my feelings on others or is it sad for you?

Never even considered going away without the kids for the sake of going away, perhaps because my parents did not do this and, while I could be mistaken, I didn't know anyone else growing up with parents that vacationed without kids. Even my extended family that do all sorts of things that we would never do, don't vacation themselves (that I know of). So I guess there is a lot of expectation built in. I bet if we tried it, we'd have such a great time, we'd be dying to do it again.

So, I never expected to do this, so there isn't much to be sad about. I always figured that once you had kids, your no longer are single or a couple, you are parents and you do parent stuff.. I'm not against it, but I do think leavings kids under a certain age can be traumatic for those children, so the time isn't right, so that's that.

Also, the ability to take a trip without kids requires a lot of moving pieces like kids that other can take in, grandparents that can watch kids either in their place or your place, kids that can manage themselves without Mommy/Daddy, or some fairy godmother babysitter who can also be secluded overnight with your children. I don't have any of those moving pieces, but if other do, lucky for them!

amother

Ecru

Tue, Jun 07 2016, 11:11 am

tichellady wrote:

Don't mean this in a mean way but I feel sad that so many women here have never gone on vacation without their kids. Am I just imposing my feelings on others or is it sad for you?

Yes it's sad but it's also our reality. Not everybody has grandparents or siblings who can help out.

amother

Wine

Tue, Jun 07 2016, 11:13 am

amother wrote:

Yes it's sad but it's also our reality. Not everybody has grandparents or siblings who can help out.

and then even if some of us do have parents to watch the children, we dont have the money to take the vacation.
Thats just how it is.

amother

Ecru

Tue, Jun 07 2016, 11:15 am

Queen6 wrote:

If you have no family to help or immature teens or a child without close friends who would have them stay or an exclusively nursing baby making it happen isn't feasible. (I have all four of these things).

sky

Tue, Jun 07 2016, 11:23 am

Queen6 wrote:

I really don't remember my parents going on vacation when we were little. When we were in our teens I think they did a one day vacation and we went away to stay at friends. But otherwise it was family vacations that I have amazing memories of. And they were not helicopter parents.

My parents like us had jobs in non Jewish locations. Most vacation days are\were used for yomim tovim, kids vacations, and sick children. Any extra days were used for the family to go away. I know few people outside of education who have any days to get away anyways.

Going out for a few hours alone is very different then going away for 2 -3 hours. That wasn't the poll or question.

Tue, Jun 07 2016, 12:00 pm

sky wrote:

All of this and then some. I grew up in a much less child-centric time than the current generation, yet I recall my parents going away without us only once, ever, before we were old enough for camp or other summer programs. We did go on wonderful family trips, though.

It certainly was not the norm to leave the kids behind, even among our mostly affluent non-Jewish or non-religious neighbors (so it wasn't about vacation days or finances). It's just complicated to get away, and not everyone wants to.

And FTR, my parents were happily married, as am I. Not everyone needs to get away from their kids to work on their marriages.

observer

Tue, Jun 07 2016, 12:02 pm

Queen6 wrote:

A day in the city, eating out, and going to Costco together are things hopefully all (or most) couples do. That has nothing to do with this question in this thread. This is about going away on a vacation. Even the posters that said they dont leave their kids for vacations are probably doing all the above.

Mrs Bissli

Wed, Jun 08 2016, 5:32 am

Firstly, our vacations are minimum 1 week, usually 10 days to 2 weeks. (That's pretty much standard in Europe.) So obviously we tend to take family vacations, maybe 2-3 times a year to synch with school holidays.

Though both DH and I occasionally travel for work (mine is normally overnight or daytrip, DH's conference can be as long as 4-5 days) but we would coordinate to avoid both of us being out of town at the same time.

freedomseek

Wed, Jun 08 2016, 6:12 am

Maya wrote:

I voted twice a year, but it's usually more than that. We have good childcare arrangements and the kids have come to expect it, so they're okay with it.

What kind of childcare arrangement is that good? I'm curious because I go away atleast once a year but struggle with placement of children.

dancingqueen

Wed, Jun 08 2016, 8:02 am

sky wrote:

Same here. Our vacations growing up were all family vacations similar to most of my friends. Maybe the parents take extended vacations without the kids once the kids are teens and in camp etc. dh and I got to travel before kids, now that we have young children and babies we travel with them. Maybe we would do one night or two away if I wasn't nursing. We also don't send kids away after having a baby or go away then.

Btw a date is a totally separate category and hope every couple can do that at least once in a while.