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10 yo daughter developing

 
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amother




cornflower
 

Post  Sun, Jul 03 2016, 1:36 am
My 10 yo daughter just told me she is starting to get hair under her arms and by her privates. She is so anxious about it, and also about getting acne. She is extremely into her looks and clothing, always has to look perfect. She is grossed out and said she doesn't want her body to get ugly. So it's time to speak to her about her body changing but I want to give her a positive message and I'm not sure how to do that. I mean what is so great about hairy bodies and acne??? She will totally freak out about getting her period when I tell her. Any advice?
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jul 03 2016, 2:06 am
Try to get her some books that will help her realize that every single girl in the world goes through this. Take her shopping for some deodorant, zit cream, and razors. Tell her how you felt about getting to this stage in life - and for pete's sake, tell her about periods!

I told my DD that it was all a very positive sign that her body was growing and working the way it was supposed to. If these things weren't happening to her, then there might be a problem. Really, just make it as normal and natural as possible, while being empathetic to her feelings about everything.
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losingweight




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jul 03 2016, 8:08 am
Hair under the arms means the period is imminent. Please tell her about it fast. And hand her a shaver if the hair bothers her. And explain to her how lucky she is to be healthy.
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Iymnok




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jul 03 2016, 8:09 am
I got my first hairs at ten or so. My first period came at thirteen.
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amother




Periwinkle
 

Post  Sun, Jul 03 2016, 8:57 am
From the sound of you post, you might consider bolstering your daughter's acceptence of her own body. It may lead to problems to be such a perfectionist. No one has a perfect guf.
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champion




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jul 03 2016, 9:33 am
A big question is. How well do except your body?? How well do you recognize the womanly beauty in each body regardless of acne and hair.

---She is grossed out and said she doesn't want her body to get ugly.---

this line was what made me ask this question. I don't even know why she thinks she will be getting uglier. She will be becoming a beautiful young woman. with the beautiful body of a woman. unless of course there is somebody in her life that is sending subconscious messages of discomfort with a womans body.
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simcha2




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jul 03 2016, 11:13 am
amother wrote:
No one has a perfect guf.


I think it helps to reframe it as, everyone is created btzelem Elokim, Hashem is perfect, therefore everybody's guf is perfect.
It took me years to see myself as exactly how I am supposed to be. Years of my husband and kids telling me I am beautiful and me not recognizing it. I realised my dh is not a liar, and Hashem made me precisely the way I am.

We are all beautiful. Please help your dd see that.
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pointyshoes




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jul 03 2016, 11:23 am
I remember my mom telling me how beautiful and amazing my body is becoming and how its showing me that one day I'll be able to carry a baby. I remember the thought of that exiting me!
I also remember feeling very adult when she gave me my first shaving lesson.
I also remember my mom starting to take me with for mani-pedis and massages with her because 'now you're a woman'
So overall all that made me feel that becoming a woman is beautiful. I won't lie- I still felt a bit awkward about it sometimes but that's normal. Show her how positive this is and pamper her
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greenfire




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jul 03 2016, 11:27 am
normal age of development is between 8 & 14 years ... including pubic hairs, menstruation cycles and growing breasts ...

it is always a good idea to inform your child before rather than during or after puberty starts
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momofone613




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jul 03 2016, 12:50 pm
Make it a positive thing. Explain jow beautiful it is becoming a women. Spend a whole day with just her, and go shopping for things like shavers/cream, pads (after explaining the beauty of periods etc..) and a little purse to kp pads in her backpack incase she gets it at school, and u can take her out for lunch, or make her fav at home, and take her to get nails done (or at home so cheaper) have her pick everything out herself and make sure u are super pumped about it, that she understands its a great stage in her life!
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DallasIma




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jul 03 2016, 1:07 pm
Here's a good book (for frum girls) to get for her:

https://www.amazon.com/Wonder-.....64380

I'm way past menopause now, but I remember in my family it was an honor to reach puberty and become a woman. My mother always gave me that positive feeling about it. In fact when I got my first period (I was 10), I even called up all my girl cousins to brag! And thank G-d my body worked fine, and Hashem gave me 6 children through it.
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sequoia




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jul 03 2016, 1:14 pm
amother wrote:
My 10 yo daughter just told me she is starting to get hair under her arms and by her privates. She is so anxious about it, and also about getting acne. She is extremely into her looks and clothing, always has to look perfect. She is grossed out and said she doesn't want her body to get ugly. So it's time to speak to her about her body changing but I want to give her a positive message and I'm not sure how to do that. I mean what is so great about hairy bodies and acne??? She will totally freak out about getting her period when I tell her. Any advice?


Whether or not she'll freak out depends on how you tell her. There is nothing inherently scary about it, as we know.

Acne can be annoying. Here all you can do is wryly sympathize.

I wonder why she isn't excited in the first place.
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amother




Chocolate
 

Post  Sun, May 24 2020, 10:04 pm
sequoia wrote:
Whether or not she'll freak out depends on how you tell her. There is nothing inherently scary about it, as we know.

Acne can be annoying. Here all you can do is wryly sympathize.

I wonder why she isn't excited in the first place.


I know this thread is a few years old, but it seems like she reacted that way because she was never informed about those changes beforehand...
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