How Do You Cope? What do You MIss?

amother

Papaya

Tue, Mar 07 2017, 12:39 pm

I realized from a recent thread that there are a lot of amothers who, like me, are really REALLY struggling financially and are trying to not show it. What ways have you come up with to deal with this? And what item that have you had to cut out do you miss the most?

HashemMelekh

Tue, Mar 07 2017, 1:28 pm

Personally, I am a student, and while I'm not broke, I am inevitaby mindful of our budget. I cook all food at home and buy groceries that are on sale. Most of the food I eat is unprocessed vegan food, like vegetables, legumes, and whole grains, because they're considerably cheaper than kosher meat. Moreover, shopping for other things--like clothes-- is at a minimum and I really only spend money on necessities. I enjoy free activities, like taking a walk in the park with my DH and painting--a hobby of mine, and to be honest, I don't miss anything.

amother

Cerulean

Tue, Mar 07 2017, 1:30 pm

I miss not buying salad too, and magazines/newspaper. I miss not buying flowers for Shabbos. I miss buying fresh panties. I miss buying lots of fresh fruits (fruit prices have skyrocketed imo). I miss buying hot cocoa at the bakery/grocery.

I'm looking for ideas on how to de-stress when there's no money to buy the things that make me smile.

Insomniac

Tue, Mar 07 2017, 1:39 pm

Sigh.

What do I miss the most? The freedom. Especially during this time of year.

The freedom of not calculating if there will be the exact same thing in another store that is cheaper...

The freedom of letting my kids be whatever they want to be, and giving out whatever they want to give out.

The freedom of the fear of panic every time the credit card is swiped.

How do I manage? By remembering that the family is healthy. By remembering that we have what we need and that's OKAY. Hashem can give us whatever He wants whenever He wants as soon as we need it. Hubby and I both work and it is not physically possible to put in more hours - the day is only so long. So, we need to keep doing what we are doing and buy what we can and eat what we can eat.

There is no other way.

amother

Brown

Tue, Mar 07 2017, 1:52 pm

I miss that I will likely not get to go to Yisrael in the near future since we have no money for that kind of trip.... It has been 10 years since I have gone!

amother

Papaya

Tue, Mar 07 2017, 2:07 pm

Brown, I miss that too. I have a nephew there who I am extremely close to -- more like a son-- and I haven't even met some of his kids. But I think that on a daily basis what I miss most is what insomniac seems to be saying. I miss not having to calculate what I will not get for shabbos if I decide that I want to get a treat that DD really really wants. And I miss the little things that make life fun -- like being able to stop off for hot cocoa when I am out doing errands with DD, or buying her a book that she wants. I don't buy prepared food and I check my own leafy greens, to save on not having to buy bodek, etc. We eat vegan a lot during the week. And that doesn't bother me. But I would like to be able to BREATH -- not be scared and calculating all the time, and especially before pesach.

amother

Indigo

Tue, Mar 07 2017, 2:12 pm

I miss getting clothing before yom tov. I recently had a baby and my body proportions have changed dramatically so now the clothing I had no longer fits (I lost my baby weight so that's not the issue). My husband always try to put aside a little so I can get one outfit but we really can't do it this year. So now what I own doesn't fit and I can't afford to buy anything- trying not to think about it.

Insomniac

Tue, Mar 07 2017, 2:41 pm

amother wrote:

I don't know where you live, but if you live in a largish Jewish community there usually are these great second hand stores that are affordable.

amother

Papaya

Tue, Mar 07 2017, 2:49 pm

I shop at online secondhand stores, like Tradesy I also sell things in good condition that don't work for me anymore. You don't make a lot (or at least, I don't) but anything helps.

amother

Papaya

Tue, Mar 07 2017, 3:11 pm

I would say my biggest issue is trying to find the right clothes for my DD, by which I don't mean designer, but just appropriate and cute, and something "new" (I.e., new for her, even if it isn't brand new) for yom tov. Anyone have any ideas?

amother

Khaki

Tue, Mar 07 2017, 3:32 pm

I'm kind of used to the inconveniences of being poor, like going without a washing machine for months because you can't afford the repair.

But what really hurts is when I know I'm hurting my kids health because of it, like using my old teflon pots (gifted) with half the lining scratched off. I know it's bad, but I don't have other pots.

It's also really stressful when I have to spend more because I can't afford to spend less. Like right now diapers are on a GREAT sale (like 35% off) but I can't get any because we don't have free $$ right now for diapers, so I'll have to pay full price, or more if I can't afford a bigger box. Or all the late fees because I had to buy food since we ran out and now there's not enough for the internet bill (needed for work).

How do I cope? Lots of self-talk about bitachon and hashgacha pratis. Trusting that Hashem will help and all of these things are part of His plan.

B"H I tend to block out unpleasant things from my mind, so usually I don't feel poor. Only occasionally it smacks me in the face.

amother

Slateblue

Tue, Mar 07 2017, 4:57 pm

It hits when Yom tov comes and we can't do it! We can't make it very month, so even Purim is out of our reach. E even if we do homemade, which we do, it still costs more than I have.

Some of my hardest things are when my kids shoes are torn or they say they're tzitzis are passel and I can't buy new.

I have a hard time with what I serve, mostly cheap starches, I feel guilty that we only have salad on shabbos and not every week either.

It's hard, that's the bottom line!
I also work very long exhausting hours as I'm trying desperately to get promoted at work.

amother

Bronze

Tue, Mar 07 2017, 5:12 pm

amother wrote:

Wow, thats so hard. Would you consider getting tomchai shabos, if only for your kids sake?

rachel0615

Tue, Mar 07 2017, 5:16 pm

Its so humbling to see how most of the things that cause the most pain are related to not being able to buy something for your family. You are all such committed selfless moms. For that reason alone, ur kids are very "rich" and blessed. Hashem should always give you revealed good that makes you feel rich and the ability to live without stress.

amother

Slateblue

Tue, Mar 07 2017, 5:52 pm

amother wrote:

Wow, thats so hard. Would you consider getting tomchai shabos, if only for your kids sake?

I'm careful not to let kids know how desperate the situation sometimes is.
I'll say we can't have now, but maybe another time.
I grew up never being able to have anything as we were told we can't afford and I felt guilty for every little thing I got.

Work is paying off and will be promoted very soon iyh.