Are you happy wearing a sheitel?

Chayalle

Mon, Nov 06 2017, 3:06 pm

I voted all or several, though I could also have chosen the last choice. I like my sheitel. But I can't claim to say I wouldn't mind going without the discomfort (particularly in hot weather), the cost, and the inconvenience (time spent at the wig stylist....)

I don't think it's strange to cover hair with hair, since there are enough poskim I feel comfortable relying on for this. I also don't think a tichel is necessarily more tzanuah; I know enough very tzanuah women who wear sheitels, that I'm perfectly fine with a sheitel as a head covering.

amother

Violet

Mon, Nov 06 2017, 3:11 pm

papermageling wrote:

On a side note, I cover my hair completely with my tichel. I hold that two-fingers width in front is okay, but I cover it entirely and then just don't stress if things slip a bit. I have super slippery hair, even with a velvet headband. I get a lot of compliments on them, so I assume they're reasonably flattering even though I'm overweight and, uh, not conventionally attractive. But I do try to tie them so they look good with my face, and so no one is going to ask if I left my cleaning schmatta on my head.

I hold that I'm not allowed to show any hair at all. I think that's why Tichels are annoying for those that hold like me. I have to constantly make sure it's at my hairline, and like you I have very slippery hair and the velvet band doesn't work. I'm yeshivish and this could be a big reason why in general in yeshivish circles a sheitel is preferable.

papermageling

Mon, Nov 06 2017, 3:29 pm

amother wrote:

It should stay put if you wear it below your hairline. But that is often not a very flattering look. I also have a stretchy cap that I sewed wig clips into to see if it would stay put better. It does a pretty good job, but it hurts after a while. Maybe if I used a lot of them it would distribute the weight better.

Also, what makes sheitels stay on better? The only ones I've tried on didn't want to stay on my head at all, but I think that's because I need an xl cap size. The regular size ones literally flew off! It was in the store, so it was actually quite funny Very Happy

amother

Emerald

Mon, Nov 06 2017, 4:06 pm

papermageling wrote:

Clips like steel bear traps. My sheitel isn't going anywhere. (And yes, it certainly helps to have the correct cap size).

Water Stones

Mon, Nov 06 2017, 6:21 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

What does this mean? Nobody HAS TO cover with a wig if they dont want to. there are so may different ways to cover.

My Rebbe wrote to wear a sheitel. My rav said I don't have to by halacha if can be sure it the hair scarf can't slip off, but he said too that it's not our community way and it's not good to be so different that people might treat me differently.

So I see you're right I don't have to, but it's a pressure to do it. Especially from mother and mil and sil. My husband doesn't care just that I cover my hair. And I believe in cover, just I have strong opinions on why I don't like sheital on me.

Maybe some day I will just do it to cover with the Israeli hair scarfs in public, especially I have a friend who lives by me and she wants to only cover with hair scarfs, too. So we'll be rebel together lol

amother

Sienna

Mon, Nov 06 2017, 10:58 pm

I wear a tichel precisely because sheitels are so pretty and because many Gedolim have stated clearly that a tichel is the most mehudar head covering.
A tichel is not attractive to men in the same way that hair is- whether it's a sheitel or ones own hair- and reading the posts on how beautiful women look and feel in wigs validates this. If women think that women look so much nicer in the wigs (which they do otherwise why else would wigs and extensions be a billion dollar industry with many Hollywood actresses and models wearing the same wigs we wear for "modesty. They are not wearing wigs to look modest!) how much more so do men think so. There's a reason why so many Gedolim screamed about many wigs being immodest- hair is beautifying. After marriage it becomes erva- which means it is a part of the body that needs to be covered because it can be a source of attraction to men. Covering ones hair with more nice hair defeats the very purpose of the mitzvah.
So even though I think I look much prettier in my wigs I only wear them at home where my husband sees me- that makes much more sense to me. Wearing them outside would most definitely attract male attention which is immodest. And no matter how pretty a tichel looks it will never attract the same provocative attention from men- it is clearly more tznius.

amother

Coral

Tue, Nov 07 2017, 1:19 am

The hair of a married woman is only ervah while attached to your head. It is not ervah in a shaitel, any more than a skin graft from a thigh to a forehead is not uncovering ervah.

We routinely cover body parts with more beautiful subsitutions. I assure you that my post-baby deflated beachball stomach is not attractive in any way, while my pretty shirt is just that.

SOME wigs are immodest, the same as SOME skirts are immodest. Should we perhaps ban skirts? A natural-looking wig simply makes a woman look put together.

Part of tznius is to avoid looking provocative, not to avoid looking beautiful.

amother

Sienna

Tue, Nov 07 2017, 1:38 am

Every tznius Sefer out there says that for a wig to be a modest item it has to look like a wig.
Wearing an outfit with pictures of the body parts hidden underneath it wouldn't be modest at all. Wearing a wig which looks like the hair under it isn't modest either.
Women will agree that hair is beautifying. A married women has to cover it after marriage because it becomes erva- which means it is a body part that has the potential to cause a man to be attracted to her. I'm not saying the wig itself is erva. Im explaining how since a married women's hair is considered erva after marriage and has the potential to attract male attention (which is a grave sin) wearing a wig on top of her hair that looks just like nice hair is hypocritical. It's defeating the entire purpose of the mitzvah of kisui rosh.
Her wig has the same potential of attracting provocative male attention as her own hair does- actually usually more so because most wigs are so much nicer than ones own hair.
Another issue is that the head covering is supposed to elevate a married woman's tznius level and create a barrier between her and other men- many of today's sheitels are not accomplishing this. In fact, they are doing the opposite.
We don't realize how attracting hair is to men- the Torah knows more than us and instructed us to cover our hair after marriage because hair is "pritzus degavra"- provocative to men.

amother

Sienna

Tue, Nov 07 2017, 1:44 am

Non Jews and secular Jews recognize the hypocrisy right away. In a new book all about hair, a non Jewish professor wrote:
"The logic of the sheitel is elusive to most people outside the Orthodox milieu and poses complex questions even to people within it. What is the logic of covering hair with hair? Don't naturalistic wigs that can't be recognized as wigs defeat the very purpose of covering? How can it be permissible for a woman to use her own hair in her sheitel when the only reason she is wearing it is to hide her hair? And if a wig is more attractive than the hair it covers doesn't it attract rather than deflect male attention? By investing so much time and money on wigs, aren't women prioritizing material over spiritual matters? Are today's sheitels actually more about fashion than modesty? Can the two be compatible?"

amother

Coral

Tue, Nov 07 2017, 1:47 am

Don't worry, every wig looks like a wig, because it is a wig. Perhaps you meant to say "every wig must look ugly"? (Not how I learned tznius.)

We seem to disagree about the mitzvah of Kisui Rosh. The point of covering your hair is that your hair is covered, not to make you unattractive to other men.

The barrier you refer to is in the woman's mind, that SHE knows she is unavailable to other men.

Does an unmarried girl with beautiful hair need to cover it too? Pritzus is pritzus before marriage too.

amother

Coral

Tue, Nov 07 2017, 1:49 am

amother wrote:

What I responded once to a similar question:

Dear,

Thank you for your question.

Covering your hair to look less attractive for other men is a common misconception. The truth is that for a married woman, hair is considered a private part of her body, similar to her upper arms, which must be covered when in the presence of other men according to Jewish law. The beauty (or lack therof) of the covering is not specifically relevant to this issue.

Wearing excessively glamourous wigs is a separate question from the topic of covering one's hair. This question falls more into the category of tzniut, modesty. Although a woman should look attractive at all times, there is a fine line between looking beautiful as a person, and attracting attention with clothing or hairstyle. Jewish law does not provide specific guidelines as to what is considered "too attractive." That falls into the category of Dat Yehudit, meaning it is something women as a whole are trusted to decide. In that end, if you are unsure whether an article of clothing is modest or not, try asking the opinion of a woman you respect for her modesty.

Sincerely,

papermageling

Tue, Nov 07 2017, 2:18 am

Sienna: I'm pretty sure the Lubavitcher rebbe said that it was fine for a wig to be more beautiful than one's natural hair. At least, that's what the Chabad website says. So, going for a beautiful wig is not without support.

Obviously, there are many people who do not hold like that. I'm personally uneasy with the idea of wearing a wig more beautiful than my hair. But it's more a matter of many opinions than of objective right and wrong.

amother

Sienna

Tue, Nov 07 2017, 7:13 am

It doesn't matter if she knows if she's unavailable to other men, other men have to know that she's married and covering her hair. She can't be a stumbling block to men and attract their attention- hair is a major source of attraction for a woman. Married woman are supposed to be beautiful at home for their husbands only. I never said women should look ugly outside, but they are supposed to downplay their beauty outside where other men see them. Beautiful wigs do the opposite. Tznius is all about covering oneself in a way that does not provoke men. The Torah states in many places how attractive hair is. Kisui rosh is not a chok. It states clearly in many places why we have to cover our hair.

The reason that the Torah prohibits a married woman to reveal her hair is the following:
אסור גלוי הראש אינו אלא משום פריצות דגברי (תרומת הדשן)
The prohibition of revealing one’s hair is because hair is Pritzus. Since the hair of a married woman is attractive to another man and can cause him to sin, it must be covered.

Single women are trying to attract a mate so they don't need to cover their hair. It doesn't mean that they could wear unrefined hair styles.
A married women has to have an extra level of tznius upon marriage- it's a grave sin for a man to look at a married woman. Hence she is commanded to cover her hair which is a major source of attraction.
And no- wigs today do not look like wigs at all. They look just like a woman's own hair and therefore have the same attraction as her own hair.

Chloe22

Tue, Nov 07 2017, 7:30 am

I like wearing sheitels, especially to work. Scarfs and hats would stand out too much where I work and I don't want to stand out in the neighborhood, either. I use a wig grip on one sheitel, which stayed on through 50 mph wind gusts. I had a hat that blew right off my head in a similar situation. Had no idea which direction it went in. Never saw that hat again.