My 3 year old!!! | Imamother

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My 3 year old!!!

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amother

Azure

Mon, Jan 15 2018, 11:50 am

I need help!! But don't know what kind of help. Do I need a psychologist ? Does my child need one?
My 3 year old ds is overall an adorable boy. He has bh no developmental delays . Walked at 15 months. Started talking at a very young age . But he's so so so fussy !!! When something doesn't go his way it's tantrum and tantrum .
First of all he hardly sleeps in his own bed . If I put him in bed he would cry for hours . We tried letting him cry it out but out never happened . So he's in dh bed every night and dh is totally uncomfortable. Sometimes we manage to transfer him to his bed where he would sleep for a few hours (only when he's asleep )
Now taking medications!!! Impossible . He had to be on antibiotics a few times . He simply refuses . Spits it out . Gags. Vomits . Nothing stays in his mouth . Painkillers we manage to give supositories (also a fight but they stay inside ) .
Brushing his teeth. Also impossible . He refuses to open his mouth . The second the tooth brush touches his mouth it's screaming, crying, throwing himself....
We realized he has a cavity . Taking him to dentist was a waste of all our energy . He's going to have to be fully sedated for a small cavity . Dreading it .
Feeding him. If he knows the food and likes it , it can go easily. If he doesn't know the food , it's a waste of time trying . Sometimes I even have to let him look at pics on my phone so he would eat supper .
Another thing. Let's say if he wants to switch on a light or open a door and someone else does he just cries and screams , even after we switch the light back off
So basically when he wants something and he doesn't get it, It's terrible
I do let him cry a lot . I have to be stricter .

In school he's such a loved pupil . Listens to teacher and cooperates so well. He knows his alef beis extremely well and whatever they learn he knows . He's really well behaved .

Anyone experience ? Do we just have to wait for him to outgrow it or should we reach out for help?

amother

Chocolate

Mon, Jan 15 2018, 12:07 pm

I don't know why people say the terrible 2's are the hardest. The 3 year old age is totally more difficult to manage!

3 year olds are all about asserting their independence, doing things by themselves (especially as an oldest child, if he is). It's hard to be a kid in that frame of mind and not be allowed any control/ autonomy so whenever possible give him options, choices, incentives.

A few points regarding the issues you mentioned:

Sleeping in his own bed is non-negotiable. Each person in the family must have their own space at night. It will make a big difference in his behavior if you can figure out a method that will keep him in his own bed. Relaxing routine, sleep coach - do whatever it takes.

Taking medicine can be solved by diluting the medicine with soda or whatever else he likes to drink.

I've found that it's easier to brush my sons teeth in the bath. Let him do it himself. Practice on a doll etc. Make it fun.

Mealtimes are not something I make an issue of at this age. Offer healthy age appropriate options and make sure he is hungry (no snacking before), but no pressure to eat. If you see he is getting to a point where he is contemplating throwing his food on the floor, take his bowl and just tell him he could go play.

I actually don't think you have to be stricter necessarily, but you do need to figure out which issues are worth prioritizing.

salt

Mon, Jan 15 2018, 12:11 pm

I'm pretty sure it's a stage and he'll outgrow it. But a very difficult stage at that. It's probably just his character.
I would say be strong, don't give in when things are important to you, and limit 'no's to a bare minimum.
Although, I have to say, it sounds like you're pretty much doing that anyway.

Do you praise him when he is obedient? Not just when he does 'smart' things, like reading, or knowing the parasha, but when he doesn't throw a tantrum. I know it's difficult to catch those moments, but try and search for them and shower praise on him.

Good luck.

amother

Azure

Mon, Jan 15 2018, 12:30 pm

Thanks for your kind responses .
He's not the oldest. My 2 older ones were much much easier and he has a younger sister (1 year old)
We do praise him a lot and he gets rewarded when he does things which he doesn't wanna do
Surely hope it will get easier

(About the medication we do dilute it in soda, he feels the difference but he doesn't get any other drink until he finishes that. Or in yoghurt)

FranticFrummie

Mon, Jan 15 2018, 4:18 pm

When DD was between 3 and 4, I was at my wit's end. It's a miracle we both survived without major PTSD. Some kids are just really hard at certain stages.

Hug

Hang in there, and don't forget to breathe!

amother

Azure

Mon, Jan 15 2018, 5:55 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

When DD was between 3 and 4, I was at my wit's end. It's a miracle we both survived without major PTSD. Some kids are just really hard at certain stages.

Hug

Hang in there, and don't forget to breathe!

FF. I love your responses and everyone's support on this website .
We are really at our wits end with him and I'm afraid dd (1 year old ) is following his footsteps . I'm already warning dh every time he picks her up when she asks to be held ...shes allowed to cry a bit
So tonight he threw down his yarmulke and I asked him to put it back on. He straight away listened and he told me "right mommy I'm a good boy now cos I listened to you straight away and at the dentist I wasn't a good boy cos I didn't open my mouth ?"
I told him he's always a good boy but mommy's love when children listen to them all the time , even when it hurts a bit or when they're not so happy about it .
Will keep on praising him for all the good he does. And will continue biting on my lips when I feel that I'm losing it .
Nobody throws a tantrum on the floor at age 18 I hope

amother

Wine

Mon, Jan 15 2018, 7:26 pm

All scenarios except for the lught/door, point to sensory processing issues.
One of my kids actually have an evaluation scheduled for tomorrow morning.

The Special Education coordinator in my kids pre-school said she once read a book where they explained how a child with sensory processing disorder feels.
They feel like there are a bunch of angry bumble bees in their body.
Everything little thing can set them off.

Also, sensory kids tend to be extremely imulsive. Because of the sensory urges.
Sensory kids can also be overly aggressive and respond in an exaggerated way when things aren't going their way.
My kid is such a gentle soul. Not amine angry kid or anger issues. But this aggression is a way of giving out her sensory impulses.

I suggest you get him evaluated by an OT. Same with your 1 year old if you see the same behaviours. The earlier they get the help, the better.

Another thing, it's very possible that your son would benefit from a weighted blanket.

Try putting him to bed with ur husbands covers maybe.

It's possible that he needs your husbands heavy blanket (if he has a heavy one), and by now he's used to it. And being that he's irritable because of the sensory needs and urges..... it's a mess.

Either way. Good Luck.

amother

Rose

Mon, Jan 15 2018, 10:31 pm

Sounds sensory to me. Definitely worth evaluating...

Blessing1

Mon, Jan 15 2018, 10:49 pm

Most of what you described are sensory triggers. He might benefit from some OT. There are also things you can do at home to relax him. Have him play with silly putty, brush his body 2/3 times a day & do some stretching exercise. Good luck!

flowerpower

Mon, Jan 15 2018, 11:08 pm

Some things do sound sensory but most of what you described is very much my 3 year old!

My advice to you is be consistant and patient. Don't be afraid of his tantrums. If you give in after a full blown tantrum then he will see he can get his way through acting out.

If you really want then you can have him evaluated for ot.

amother

Aquamarine

Thu, Jan 18 2018, 4:53 pm

A lot of it sounds like normal 3 yar old behavior, some of it sounds sensory, so look into that.

Also, as far as sleep training for a 3 year old, cry it out doesn't work. I recommend you use Dr. Weissbluth's book Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child and read about 'silent return to bed'. Also, we put gates on our daughter's room. If he climbs over, put 2 gates one on top of the other (keep in mind the top one must be the kind that screws into the wall (or pressure mounted) for safety reasons. We also bought the Ok to Wake clock to provide a visual for when it's morning (that probably wouldn't work for your child alone, but can be part of the program).

You may also want to read the Explosive Child for some good techniques on handling him.

amother

Natural

Thu, Jan 18 2018, 5:54 pm

Jo Frost's parenting clips would enlighten u. Your son is a normal child. If there was an issue the teacher would see something in school as well. Even in a lesser extent. I dnt know how it began but ur son definitely has u wrapped around his fingers. Watch Jo Frost for tips. Good Luck

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