nyone have ggod advice on how to break a bad habit? please?

amother

Fri, Nov 02 2007, 8:51 am

my 3 year old daughter has developed a pretty destructive habit: she scratches and scratches her face.
it is driving me crazy and it is really messing up her face.
the skin doesn't seem dry, but I have been putting on lotion anyways.
I don't see any obvious cause for it.
I have cut her nails soooo short to minimize damage, but even that doesn't help.
anyone have any ideas on what to do?
I am so nervous. is this some psychological OCD problem? or will this go away? should I take her to a doctor? ignore it? have consequences for doing it? give rewards for not doing it, but then that reminds her of it and calls attention to it?
just a side note, she is a pretty intense child, very nervous about everything. but she knows she is loved and I compliment her all the time, and I'm worried I am causing this by not giving her something that she needs, though I don't know what.
I just don't know what to do!
please help.

greenfire

Fri, Nov 02 2007, 8:56 am

try to find constructive things for her to do to keep her little hands occupied ...

get her pretty little cotton or lace gloves to wear when she's in one of those moods ...

keep an eye out to see if it happens at a certain time or situation ...

gryp

Fri, Nov 02 2007, 10:50 am

I thought of this when my 3 year old was completely out of control last year with his hitting. It worked beautifully and I adapted it to take care of his nail biting too, and again it worked terrific! (He was under a lot of pressure at school since he was extremely shy.)

Decide how long your 3 year old can go without scratching her face- how many minutes. My son couldn't go longer than 5 minutes without hitting. I put a clock in front of him where he was playing and I showed him that when the big hand gets to the next big number he will get a treat in whichever hand didn't hit. If both hands hit, we have to start watching the big hand again. (Yes, I felt funny giving him a treat when he hit altogether but that's part of it.) A treat mean something small- a choc chip, some nuts or dried fruit, a winkie when I wanted to give something a bit "better" (in his eyes). Something that takes just a second to eat.
After his treat, we would count five minutes again, and again whichever hand didn't hit got a treat. When he got so good at not hitting for five minutes it became 10 and then 20 and eventually an hour.
My son stopped hitting in just a few days!

Stopping his nail-biting was a bit different but also worked beautifully.

You can stop any bad habit with this system. Good luck!

amother

Fri, Nov 02 2007, 11:42 am

I did call the dr. this morning. I'm still waiting for him to return my call.
meanwhile, I did some online searching and basically, together with your responses, came up with the fact that there are 2 approaches:
1) ignore and divert
2) call attention to it and try to stop it
Im not sure which way would work better.
and I am just looking for some reassurances that eventually this will pass, and she'll be just like other littler girls her ages.
I have this irrational fear that this will ruin her for life and something is really wrong with her. I think I am putting way to much weight in this, but I can't seem to let go (hmmmm, maybe I have compulsion problems too...) until I can solve it, come up with a solution, and feel like I am in control because I am actively ending this behavior.
I never realized being a parent would affect me so deeply and literally take over my emotions and thoughts- but in good ways too Smile

any reassurances out there for me?

Clarissa

Fri, Nov 02 2007, 11:55 am

Yes, I will offer reassurances. First of all, when lots of kids get to certain ages, they get into some peculiar habits. Blinking a lot, twisting hair with finger, little twitches, biting nails until their fingers bleed, etc. Some of it is OCD that kids get in various stages of childhood (happens a lot) and these phases pass. Could be some brain wiring stuff, could be some stress, could just be developmental glitches that come and go. Many, many people go through this themselves or with kids, including me. I have a friend whose kid has been having some minor health issues (requiring a bit of surgery) and he's been having some OCD stuff at the same time, so she thinks it's probably a phase related to what he's been going through.

I have OCD, and it hasn't ruined my life. I see some of it in my kids, and I'm sometimes mildly concerned or annoyed, but I think it'll be okay.

I can't tell you how many women I know who go through this with their kids, at all ages.