Does anyone actually 'like' being all together

amother

Brunette

Tue, Apr 03 2018, 9:02 pm

In the same house for pesach? I'm reading these threads and wondering if anyone actually looks forward to being all together under one roof (parents, grandparents, siblings, ect)
Me, I like my own space and don't like hearing other kids tantrum, so I'm not into the big family move in for pesach. I get together with my siblings on Chol hamoed.
So does anyone actually look forward to living together with extended family over the yontiff?

amother

Orange

Tue, Apr 03 2018, 9:04 pm

so I don't have any family to be with. yt days are very long and were a bit lonely. however I would not want to be with family a whole week.

amother

Tan

Tue, Apr 03 2018, 9:13 pm

I actually enjoy it a lot. It was the only one married in my family for a long time and we r a super close knit family. Now that there are 2 more couples I really enjoy it.

I also limit it a bit though. I am away first days and chol hamoed and I will be home second days. I also don't tend to go to my in laws a lot as its wayyyyyy harder for me....

Notsobusy

Tue, Apr 03 2018, 9:21 pm

I love it too and wish we could still move in to our parents for Yom Tov. But now our younger siblings go and there isn't enough space for everyone.

I can't say I loved every aspect of it, and it was always nice to come home to our own space and our own beds. But there is something very special about spending Yom Tov together with your siblings and nieces and nephews.

Seas

Tue, Apr 03 2018, 10:16 pm

There are pros and cons. I love sitting together and spending hours chilling with siblings and parents. OTOH I like my own space. So really it's much like everything in life, some good and some hardship.

Fox

Tue, Apr 03 2018, 10:30 pm

The image of a happy, multi-generational mishpacha gathered under approximately one roof for Yomim Tovim leads, IMHO, to more unrealistic expectations than any other element of Jewish life.

Even when it works, it doesn't necessarily work for everyone, and the pressure it puts on people is enormous. It seems like every year, we have multiple threads from young women who don't want to go wherever they're supposed to go and from older women who don't want to host whoever is supposed to come.

In a perfect world, families would live close enough that they could get together on a regular enough basis that so much wouldn't depend on a handful of days each year. Of course, that isn't the case for many people, but real relationships require day-to-day contact, not just idealized holiday gatherings.

amother

Smokey

Wed, Apr 04 2018, 3:05 am

amother wrote:

No, I don't look forward to these gatherings at all. Totally relate to you. Too much mess and pressure and too many kids running around. I can't stand it.

Ema of 5

Wed, Apr 04 2018, 7:44 am

We all get together at my in laws house once a year, and I dread it. It’s a beautiful thing, but it’s rough for me in terms of stimulation. My kids have a great time with all their cousins, and I don’t mind being together with all my sisters in law. I just need to hide sometimes, because I get overwhelmed. What I DONT like about it is that everyone expects my mother in law, who is no spring chicken, to do everything, the same way she did years ago. They take advantage, and I really don’t like it. Their kids make a mess, there are clothes and toys and garbage all over the place (I guess I should count my blessings, at least it’s not dirty diapers!!) I try to help out as much as I can, but we are not local, so I can only help once I’m there, I can’t hekp with any of the cooking or baking.

amother

Linen

Wed, Apr 04 2018, 8:40 am

I love it, but we don't do it the whole time, just for the first days of YT. I probably wouldn't like it so much if it was for.the whole time. Two (or three, if it's a three-day YT) is very nice and not enough time for it to get annoying.

Amalia

Wed, Apr 04 2018, 4:38 pm

Fox wrote:

I can’t like this post enough.
Thank you, Fox, for putting it so well!

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Apr 04 2018, 4:40 pm

I love it but only for the actual chag, not chol hamoed. We do it many chagim actually, its only one night and day here in israel. I look forward to it.

amother

Slateblue

Wed, Apr 04 2018, 4:42 pm

We were all together for sukkos. We all have the social version of PTSD now and no one wants to spend any time together. We didn’t even talk to each other until like Chanukah.

amother

Crimson

Wed, Apr 04 2018, 5:17 pm

I feel so bad that so many of you are having a difficult time this Y"T. Yom tov can be long and even in the best situation people can start to get on each other's nerves. If you can leave for chol hamoed go on a trip with your own family to give yourself space. May we all enjoy the rest of Y"T!!

ra_mom

Wed, Apr 04 2018, 5:20 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

I love it but only for the actual chag, not chol hamoed. We do it many chagim actually, its only one night and day here in israel. I look forward to it.

That sounds perfect.