Xsual abuse of girls/children

amother

Jade

Tue, Apr 24 2018, 3:27 pm

I recently heard from a reliable non-Jewish colleague who works at the local health centre that a chareidi teenage girl had come in. She confided in her that several adult men in this (my) community have been raping her since childhood. She is refusing to name them or go to the police. She just wanted a health check to make sure she hasn't caught anything from them.
Now she could always be lying but why would she?
This means there are likely many child abusers currently at large where I live.
I am not sure what to make of this but am very scared. This is a small community and there is a general feeling of trust and that children are safe.
Has anyone dealt with this issue? What would you do?
I feel like I want to tell people but I also don't want to give away too many details to protect the girl.

simba

Tue, Apr 24 2018, 3:30 pm

I know a girl who did the same thing after she slept with a boy and freaked out. Not saying this isn't true but I am stating the above as a fact.
Wether or not it is true keep an eye on your kids. They should not be in a situation that it is possible for them to disappear alone with another man.

justcallmeima

Tue, Apr 24 2018, 5:26 pm

simba wrote:

There's a name for this. It's called "victim blaming".

thunderstorm

Tue, Apr 24 2018, 5:30 pm

amother wrote:

How did several men rape her? Where did they have access to her? Why wouldn't she go to the police? Wouldn't the health center need to report this to the police since she is a minor? Or is she an adult?
If it were her own family members that abused her, I'd have an easier time understanding this.

naomi2

Tue, Apr 24 2018, 6:56 pm

justcallmeima wrote:

There's a name for this. It's called "victim blaming".

Noone is blaming a victim.
She stated a scenario where a girl misled ppl because she was embarrassed about her situation. I'm assuming this story is to alleviate some fear that maybe the ops story should not be taken at face value. Noone is blaming anyone.

amother

Mustard

Tue, Apr 24 2018, 7:36 pm

thunderstorm wrote:

This. There seem to be some holes in this story. Nevertheless, always be vigilant about your own kids' safety, in any community.

Mommyg8

Tue, Apr 24 2018, 9:40 pm

WindowMagic wrote:

So so wrong and cruel to question a girl who discloses s-xual abuse. That can destroy a person even more than the abuse itself. I hope if it were your own child you'd respond with complete trust/belief and compassion rather than doubt the poor victim.

I was trying to keep away from this thread, but this post ..

So you would believe a girl who says she was raped by MULTIPLE frum men? Where, when, how would such a thing happen? This story does not have the ring of truth, im sorry.

And off the topic, but does anyone who comes up with an accusation automatically saying the truth? What a strange world we live in.

Woman of Valor

Tue, Apr 24 2018, 9:45 pm

Mommyg8 wrote:

Wow. You sound very ignorant about this topic.

1) Did you know that over 99% of accounts of s-xual abuse are true, and under 1% are fabricated? WHY in heavens name would someone make up such a thing? They only have what to lose and nothing to gain. Given this statistic which is backed up by research and common sense, there is an overwhelming chance that anyone who discloses abuse is telling the truth. They are very brave for doing so and deserve a lot of compassion; most actually don't have the strength to tell.
2) Yes, someone who is abused once is more vulnerable and thus more likely to be abused again.
3) Since people not believing disclosure is actually more damaging than the abuse itself in many cases, what do YOU have to lose by being compassionate to someone clearly in pain? Why would you take the risk of doing something more painful than killing them? Do you want to be someone more who causes more damage than an abuser itself?
4) Your comment about trying to "stay away" from this thread is disturbing. Children whose parents are uncomfortable talking about this topic are more likely to be abused because they haven't prepared their children properly with awareness and education.

Last edited by Woman of Valor on Tue, Apr 24 2018, 9:55 pm; edited 1 time in total

Mommyg8

Tue, Apr 24 2018, 9:54 pm

WindowMagic wrote:

Wow. You sound very ignorant about this topic.

1) Did you know that over 99% of accounts of s-xual abuse are true, and under 1% are fabricated? WHY in heavens name would someone make up such a thing? They only have what to lose and nothing to gain.
2) Yes, someone who is abused once is more vulnerable and thus more likely to be abused again.
3) What do YOU have to lose by being compassionate to someone clearly in pain? Why would you take the risk of doing something more painful than killing them? Do you want to be someone more who causes more damage than an abuser itself?

99% of WHAT is true? What criteria? Your source?

How am I not compassionate to the girl? Is she here on this site? Someone is posting a random story about a random girl.

So automatically, this story is true because?

Woman of Valor

Tue, Apr 24 2018, 9:58 pm

Mommyg8 wrote:

You sound like the type of person who, if your son disclosed that his rebbi touched him inappropriately, would say "rebbeim don't do that, go back to bed." or (not sure which is worse ) "prove it to me. show me evidence." If I am wrong, I am thrilled. This is a topic I am passionate about because I know firsthand how much damage is caused by abuse.

Mommyg8

Tue, Apr 24 2018, 10:02 pm

WindowMagic wrote:

You sound like the type of person who, if your son disclosed that his rebbi touched him inappropriately, would say "rebbeim don't do that, go back to bed." If I am wrong, I am thrilled. This is a topic I am passionate about because I know firsthand how much damage is caused by abuse.

No I am NOT that type of person. And im pretty sure something did happen to this girl, prob by a family member which is statistically the most likely scenario, Hashem yishmor. So the amother - if this story is true - does not have to worry about a number of frum men molesting a child.

Off the topic, but please mothers, keep an eye on your children! Also a topic I feel passionate about.... would you leave a precious diamond just lying around?

simba

Tue, Apr 24 2018, 10:04 pm

So back to my story WindowMagic, a colleague of mine was in a zexual relationship with a neighbor of hers (yes, both frum and single). When she was dating she came panicking to me that she for tested for std's and she did have something (karma!) anyways, she told the dr. that she was raped and now wants to make sure she has no issues because she was dating. Maybe she is the 1% but hey..it happens.
As I said in my original post on this thread, it does the mean that this case is the same and that Op should keep a close eye on her kids. That's all.

Woman of Valor

Tue, Apr 24 2018, 10:07 pm

simba wrote:

Sorry, didn't mean to overtake your thread Smile

Just wanted to mention that I added to a few of my posts above (edited).

das

Tue, Apr 24 2018, 10:10 pm

WindowMagic wrote:

Wow, that is one of the most offensive posts I've read here. I'm floored.

I'm glad you're passionate about child s-xual abuse. It's important. So is basic respect for other ppl.

Woman of Valor

Tue, Apr 24 2018, 10:13 pm

das wrote:

Wow, that is one of the most offensive posts I've read here. I'm floored.

I'm glad you're passionate about child s-xual abuse. It's important. So is basic respect for other ppl.

That's one way to look at it. That was not my intent though. I see it as trying to educate and enlighten so as to protect children from one of the most painful experiences they can have.