Is it not appropriate to ask dd's teacher this?

amother

Aquamarine

Tue, Apr 24 2018, 5:53 pm

I have an idea of a shidduch for my elementary age dd's Limudei Kodesh teacher. Is it not appropriate to ask her exactly what she is looking for (to confirm it matches) and to ask her for her shidduch resume to redt to the boy?

(I dont know any of her friends or any of the other teachers that know her well so I cant go that route)

Would this be awkward for her? What is the right thing to do?

amother

Honeydew

Tue, Apr 24 2018, 6:01 pm

amother wrote:

how do you know she is even looking? did she tell you?

thunderstorm

Tue, Apr 24 2018, 6:11 pm

amother wrote:

Ummmm.....In our circles, most single young women of age are looking

Emphasis on "most" but not all.
Maybe ask the principal if she knows if she is looking and what she's looking for.

southernbubby

Tue, Apr 24 2018, 6:14 pm

amother wrote:

Ummmm.....In our circles, most single young women of age are looking

yes but are they doing it themselves or are their parents in charge of it? In my circles we approach the parents who decide if the shidduch is appropriate for their son or daughter and we don't involve the single person unless they are 'older'

amother

Aquamarine

Tue, Apr 24 2018, 6:18 pm

southernbubby wrote:

Even when you know the young woman personally? In my experience, if you know the person, you speak to them directly and they relay the info to their parents who then check it out.
I had that, a coworker told me about the shidduch and I relayed the info to my parents and they did the research.
Instead of going "behind her back" which is kinda weird when you know her, and dont know her parents.

amother

Aquamarine

Tue, Apr 24 2018, 6:19 pm

thunderstorm wrote:

Emphasis on "most" but not all.
Maybe ask the principal if she knows if she is looking and what she's looking for.

I have no reason to assume she would be the rare exception.

Good idea about principal, thanks

southernbubby

Tue, Apr 24 2018, 7:03 pm

amother wrote:

I guess that if you are both the same age it is one thing but you have a child in her class so are you older than she is? One of my children's "shadchan" was a married friend who she had gone to seminary with so she did tell my daughter that she had someone in mind but then she spoke to me.

SixOfWands

Tue, Apr 24 2018, 7:16 pm

amother wrote:

I have no reason to assume she would be the rare exception.

Good idea about principal, thanks

Would you know if she were seeing someone? If she were engaged but keeping it quiet until the end of the school year? Just broke off an engagement? If she was waiting because of illness in the family? Or her own illness? Or for any one of a million reasons?

IMNSHO, its just too personal for one of your kids' teachers.

amother

Honeydew

Tue, Apr 24 2018, 7:20 pm

amother wrote:

Ummmm.....In our circles, most single young women of age are looking

most. you have a professional relationship with this woman.. perhaps in 'your circles' there aren't boundaries between professional and personal - but not approaching her directly seems to be the way to go. She might very well be very self-conscious about her marital status, and have no interest in involving parents in her personal life.

simba

Tue, Apr 24 2018, 7:22 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

Maybe we are in different circles or we have very different personalities (or both) either way; I believe it is fine and appropriate for you to ask the teacher directly.
"Chani, I thought of someone who might be a suitable match for you, would it be ok if I reached out to your mother to suggest it?"
If that is to much for you the principal is a fine route as well.

amother

Fuchsia

Tue, Apr 24 2018, 7:26 pm

amother wrote:

Ummmm.....In our circles, most single young women of age are looking

Exactly my thoughts!
My only question is- if you maybe want to call her mother?

amother

Turquoise

Tue, Apr 24 2018, 8:01 pm

My sister was a single teacher and would have loved if her students’ mothers thought of her. Go for it!

erm

Tue, Apr 24 2018, 8:58 pm

I have tried to fix up my children's teachers. I would ask them directly if they are comfortable about it and if not, who should I speak to instead. They were all appreciative. Remember, at the end of the day, they are just regular people who are waiting for someone to think about them. Shidduchim is not an easy time for anyone.

mrs me

Wed, Apr 25 2018, 12:18 am

I don't know how to use the quote feature but I definitely agree with the poster that suggested asking if she's comfy or if there's someone else you should contact!

I also want to say that it all depends on the personality of the teacher, and your relationship with the teacher.

I'm a preschool morah and I am very friendly with my student's mothers. I was very touched when one of them tried to redt me a shidduch!! but that wouldn't necessarily be true of all morahs!

agreer

Wed, Apr 25 2018, 12:22 am

You can absolutely ask her what she is looking for. If she's not looking, she'll tell you.

I would have been delighted had more people asked me what I was looking for when I was single.

If you would feel better, you could wait till the end of the year. It's only a couple of months away. Then it doesn't have to be awkward if you're uncomfortable.

amother

Indigo

Wed, Apr 25 2018, 12:23 am

Approach her directly, and ask her if she'd prefer having you go through someone else. Do not involve the principal. It's best to keep work and your social life separate.

Iymnok

Wed, Apr 25 2018, 2:47 am

I agree about asking her what she prefers the protocol to be.

Personally, I would not involve the principal since this is not part of her job description and I don’t know their relationship.
Being a boss does not mean being a parent.

amother

Salmon

Wed, Apr 25 2018, 4:14 am

amother wrote:

You don't 'know' the teacher in that sense. She isn't your friend.
In my yeshivish circles it would be more regular course to run it by the mother rather than the girl.