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DH moved out. Support?
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PinkFridge









  


Post  Tue, Jun 12 2018, 8:37 am
Please take the practical advice you are being given here! And hugs!

Earlier, I was going to post something like: You really want a rav involved. Someday, in the now unforeseeable future, you may want to build a life with someone again and it will be important to have someone of stature in your court.

Then, forgive me, but my imagination ran away with me and I thought, what if you are unequivocally at fault and just want to get the get and lay low now? But since you shared a bit more, I will say it again: Avail yourself of any practical help to get yourself in a good situation. You may be making yourself vulnerable sharing with people IRL. If you're not comfortable pm'ing people, google, make calls, check out the sources that were suggested. May they be the right shlichim to help you through this transition.
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amother




Copper


Post  Tue, Jun 12 2018, 8:46 am
PinkFridge wrote:
Please take the practical advice you are being given here! And hugs!

Earlier, I was going to post something like: You really want a rav involved. Someday, in the now unforeseeable future, you may want to build a life with someone again and it will be important to have someone of stature in your court.

Then, forgive me, but my imagination ran away with me and I thought, what if you are unequivocally at fault and just want to get the get and lay low now? But since you shared a bit more, I will say it again: Avail yourself of any practical help to get yourself in a good situation. You may be making yourself vulnerable sharing with people IRL. If you're not comfortable pm'ing people, google, make calls, check out the sources that were suggested. May they be the right shlichim to help you through this transition.


Thank you for understanding. You always know the right thing to say!

I'm not trying to pump him for $$$, I only want to know what my rights are, and to see if I can get a bit of support while I transition over to a lifestyle as a single, in a more affordable place. I don't think that's too much to ask. I'm certainly not asking to be kept in luxury!

I don't want to share any more info here. People can assume what they want about me.

I will be taking full use of all the wonderful help that is listed here.
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amother




Seagreen


Post  Tue, Jun 12 2018, 9:08 am
Regardless of the situation at the very least anyone getting divorced needs a get.

B'hatzlocha
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amother




Pearl


Post  Tue, Jun 12 2018, 9:20 am
Are you the pre-nup poster? If so, haven't you only been married a few months? How were you supporting yourself before that?
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amother




Seagreen


Post  Tue, Jun 12 2018, 9:21 am
the pre nup poster was in e"y?
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SixOfWands









  


Post  Tue, Jun 12 2018, 9:23 am
amother wrote:
Regardless of the situation at the very least anyone getting divorced needs a get.

B'hatzlocha


And regardless of the situation, everyone needs a place to live, and food to eat.

My concern is this. If you don't know where he is, and he's not in Israel, enforcement of any order of the courts, or even a beit din, could be difficult. For that reason alone, it may be worthwhile to talk to a rabbi whom he trusts, who may be persuaded to encourage him to provide interim help. The worst he can say is no, or lies that your STBX told about you -- and then you'll at least know what you're facing.

In the meantime, people here who know better than I do have provided resources. Please seek them out.

Sending my prayers for parnassah and peace.
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amother




Copper


Post  Tue, Jun 12 2018, 9:25 am
amother wrote:
Are you the pre-nup poster? If so, haven't you only been married a few months? How were you supporting yourself before that?


Not me, no prenup. I'm older, and I've been married about 9 years. Before, I lived in a very modest studio apartment.

I'm not sure why you need to know how I supported myself nearly 10 years ago, before I became sick. How would that matter?

Let's just say that I didn't bring a lot of assets into the marriage, except for the furniture my parents had bought for me years ago.
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nadvorna









  


Post  Tue, Jun 12 2018, 10:18 am
amother wrote:
Are you the pre-nup poster? If so, haven't you only been married a few months? How were you supporting yourself before that?


with apologies to the person who posted this, I would like to point out something in general that happens a lot on the forums, and this is well meaning questions and suggestions like this one.

Although I guess it could apply to any difficult parsha, women going through divorce are particularly at risk of being hurt. For whatever reason, divorce has to go through the courts, it makes no difference civil or Beis Din, even though they have committed no crime. Any court hearing is nerve wracking beforehand, traumatic during and takes time to get over. And the woman always feels that she stands accused.

In any divorce there are so many details on several levels that it would take pages and pages to give the full picture which she is not going to do on a support board. Therefore, if a woman is worried about monetary support and posts about it, address her worries about support. Because it is almost guaranteed that she has already been through all the options and has come to conclude that she has what to worry about. If you have practical help or information on the subject go right ahead and post it, that was the purpose of the thread. If you can't offer advice but want to show support, add a hug or write a line that you feel for her or whatever.

But do not question the OP about whether she really needs what she is asking for, or for irrelevant details. Because it is going to come across as accusatory; to her it feels like an inquisition even if not intended. Divorcing women have to explain and defend themselves again again and again and do not want to have to do so here. Yet they often feel like they must, and spend time answering question they have tried that option already, or why that would not work for them.

If you feel the poster could benefit from something not specifically written about, the format should not be in question form. The nicest way would be something like, I'm sure you've thought/done/tried this already, but perhaps you could benefit from XYZ.

I myself have been the recipient of much love and support in my situation, but equally suffered from these kinds of posts. I hope that by pointing it out, I can spare others from the same pain.


Last edited by nadvorna on Tue, Jun 12 2018, 11:04 am; edited 1 time in total
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amother




Turquoise


Post  Tue, Jun 12 2018, 10:23 am
Nadvorna, I just want to commend you for your posts. They are surely helpful to OP and others following.

OP, may you be successful.
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PinkFridge









  


Post  Tue, Jun 12 2018, 1:24 pm
amother wrote:
Thank you for understanding. You always know the right thing to say!



[Phew.] Thanks!
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WastingTime









  


Post  Tue, Jun 12 2018, 2:45 pm
What neighborhood are you in, I am sure we can help you find an English speaking Rav to help you, there are loads of them in Israel. Also, there are definitely organizations for these types of things that can help you I am just not sure which ones. If no one knows of anything else you can try Chaim v Chessed, they help olim with anything and will help find out who you can turn to.
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