Non-tznius bathing suit for dd for camp?

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

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amother

Slategray

Mon, Jul 23 2018, 10:15 am

I'm not sure how to handle this. We're OOT chilled yeshivish, for reference. One of my daughters wants to wear what the other girls at camp wear for bathing suits: a simple 1-piece that's cut modestly, spandex shorts over that, and a short-sleeved rash guard. She has a cover-up too for when they're not in the pool. My other daughter wants to get a bathing suit that I'm not thrilled with. It's a 1-piece, but strapless, with a huge ruffle over the chest area. In the pictures online, the models are wearing it in a provocative manner, and the ruffle dips down pretty low. I find the look very tacky and not appropriate. DD tells me that her friend ordered it and you can pull the ruffle up high so it's not a problem. I really don't want to spend money on something that seems so impractical and not in the spirit of tznius. On the other hand, it's camp, it's a bunch of girls in the middle of nowhere, maybe I should let her choose what she wants? WWYD? (She doesn't like to swim, and actually got in the pool only once last summer, so I think this bathing suit is all about showing off and fitting in with her friends. The friend who got this suit is struggling a little bit but is a good kid.) The girls are going into 9th grade.

cozyblanket

Mon, Jul 23 2018, 10:20 am

It's not worth the fight or worth turning her off. Its not against halacha to wear a ruffle bathing suit in front of other girls so I would let it go. I am also oot Yeshivish.

Edited for typo.

pesek zman

Mon, Jul 23 2018, 10:24 am

Is it an all girls camp?

If so what's the issue?

amother

Orange

Mon, Jul 23 2018, 10:26 am

A model online can make something tznius look not tznius but that's probably not how your daughter is going to wear it. If it's among girls, it doesn't really matter.

Ruchel

Mon, Jul 23 2018, 10:29 am

Not like it either but in camp etc... if most others do it, then I guess I would let it be
chill yeshiish also

ra_mom

Mon, Jul 23 2018, 10:31 am

If it's a one piece and doesn't show cleavage it sounds appropriate. The girls all wear regular bathing suits when swimming. Hardly any add sleeves or rash guards or shorts when they're actually in the pool.

cozyblanket

Mon, Jul 23 2018, 10:34 am

amother wrote:

A model online can make something tznius look not tznius but that's probably not how your daughter is going to wear it. If it's among girls, it doesn't really matter.

I was thinking of going back to add this. Models' jobs are to make anything look provocative. If the bathing suit covers the basics, then I would let it go.

LovesHashem

Mon, Jul 23 2018, 10:36 am

Even if it shoes a big of cleavage...it's an only girls camp. She isn't TRYING to look that way, she just wants to fit in and do what her friends are.

Pick your battles...I'd get it for her, and I'm chareidi.

amother

Slategray

Mon, Jul 23 2018, 10:38 am

Right, I know it doesn't make a difference halachically. But I'm concerned about her having a sensitivity about what's appropriate.

She's such a sweet kid but her close friends are the kids who don't work hard in school and who wear things that are more trendy and daring than the other girls. I feel like she's always wanting to buy stuff to impress them. But it's not who she really is deep down. If the whole camp is wearing Speedo type bathing suits and she and a few friends are wearing more daring things, it sends a message about her, and I don't think it's an accurate message. She's shy and has kind of latched on to girls who are more dynamic than her and who are a little bit cynical.

On the other hand, I'm pretty chilled overall, and I don't believe in making an issue out of everything.

If anyone has any recommendations for bathing suits that have straps but are a little more unusual than the simple Speedo type, please let me know! Maybe I can interest her in a different suit.

I guess if I can't get her intersted in something else, I'll go ahead and buy the ruffle one. It's probably not worth making a big deal about.

cozyblanket

Mon, Jul 23 2018, 10:52 am

We understand your question, but making a big deal out if it might turn her off and make her want these friends even more. I know it's hard. We need the geula!

tigerwife

Mon, Jul 23 2018, 10:56 am

Are you sure that the rest of the camp wears speedo style one pieces? It’s been a while since I’ve been in camp but as far as I remember anything one-piece goes.

Iymnok

Mon, Jul 23 2018, 11:05 am

I’d insist on straps. Id also encourage her to choose what she likes, not what her friends like.

BH5745

Mon, Jul 23 2018, 11:06 am

amother wrote:

Do you think perhaps you're more concerned with who your DD's friends are than with the bathing suit? You seem really reasonable to me. I'm getting the feeling that you're really concerned about your daughter having good influences, and your intuition is telling you something about these girls is 'off' or they're not good company for your DD.

Simple1

Mon, Jul 23 2018, 11:29 am

Maybe it's because I never tried strapless - but I would be concerned about it accidentally slipping down if it's not a perfect fit (but I could be wrong). Maybe share your concern with her from this angle.

InnerMe

Mon, Jul 23 2018, 11:37 am

BH5745 wrote:

I agree with this post that it seems to be more than just the bathing suit.
Perhaps you can share your concerns with her about the particular friends she's with? Perhaps she herself is uncomfortable with these friends- since as you say she's not really that type? Maybe this is a good opening for her to share about her social life if she's like to.

Teenage years are difficult, and for a teen it can mean everything to know that their mom is there to listen without judging and just being there as a support as she learns to navigate the world.

Chayalle

Mon, Jul 23 2018, 11:53 am

I don't know if this helps, or how old your DD is and what sizing she needs, but my girls have gotten very nice, prettier than speedo but not more revealing or anything like that, bathing suits from Land's End.

They have a nice variety, and you can usually find one with a higher-cut leg, and not low-cut at the chest. DD has a very nice bathing suit, with matching shorts, from last year....not sure what they have this year, but worth a shot.

What I'd do in your situation is try to find an alternative that your DD can be happy with, that flatters her and looks nice, without compromising on the straps.

Ruchel

Mon, Jul 23 2018, 12:22 pm

Wait I didn't see no straps. I cannot imagine this would stay on and cover. Can someone post?

SixOfWands

Mon, Jul 23 2018, 12:34 pm

Ruchel wrote:

Wait I didn't see no straps. I cannot imagine this would stay on and cover. Can someone post?

Bandeau. They've been around for decades, so I imagine they stay up.

I could never stand Speedo swimsuits for anyone over the age of 7. Look through Lord & Taylor's and SwimOutlet's websites. You're bound to find something she'd like.

But IMNSHO, let her be as outre as she wants in an all girls environment. Plenty of time for restrictions at school and on the streets.

amother

Maroon

Mon, Jul 23 2018, 12:42 pm

Does the camp permit strapless suits?

anon for this

Mon, Jul 23 2018, 12:51 pm

OP, I'd just like to clarify: are you concerned that if she wears the suit she wants, then she won't attract the kind of friends that you feel would be best for her?

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