Tell boss about coworker's premature labor?

amother

Slategray

Thu, Jul 26 2018, 12:20 pm

I work in a small office. My bosses are frum, but I am the only other Jewish employee. (None of that is really relevant, but just to give some background/context)

Anyway, my coworker is pregnant. She is about 20 weeks and unfortunately has already begun to dilate and the doctors are telling her she will probably give birth at any time and the baby would not survive Sad

Obviously, she is devastated. The doctor advised her weeks ago when he noticed early signs of premature labor that she should be on strict bed rest. She didn't listen, I believe because she needs the money badly, and disability wouldn't be enough to cover her basic bills. I told her to speak to the bosses, they are not stone cold, maybe they could work something out with her! I can't imagine they want her to risk her baby's life to come to work!! But she is embarrassed to ask for their help. So they don't know how bad the situation is (she's been missing work a lot for extra appointments so I imagine they realize there are complications but they definitely don't know it's this bad.)

My husband thinks I should tell my bosses. I agree that they should know, but of course it's not my place to be sharing this with them! But on the other hand, a child's life possibly is in the balance! Should I still be 'standing on ceremony' when the stakes are so high?

I feel terrible, and in an awful position. WWYD?

tichellady

Thu, Jul 26 2018, 12:39 pm

This sounds like a very complex situation. Are you actually sure that she wants to keep the pregnancy? That the pregnancy is viable right now? I think I would err on the side of not telling your boss since it’s really her decision how much she shares and it’s all extremely personal . But if you think she really wants to tell them and needs pushing, then I would try your hardest to coach her and guide her on how to talk to them, or ask her if she wants you to talk to them on her behalf.

ShishKabob

Thu, Jul 26 2018, 12:40 pm

I agree, You have nothing to lose by saying something. You won't feel guilty of not doing something right and you may save a life. Except you may want to tell the bosses that they shouldn't disclose that they heard the information from you in case she will be upset with you.

amother

Slategray

Thu, Jul 26 2018, 12:42 pm

Sadie wrote:

Is there still a chance of saving the pregnancy if she goes on bed rest now? Normally I would say butt out but this is so extreme I would probably say something.

I'm not sure if it can be saved at this point- she is Hispanic and English is her second language so I think there is a bit of a language barrier between her and her doctor.

If I knew 100% that the pregnancy could be saved with bed rest, I would tell. But it might be too late at this point honestly.

amother

Slategray

Thu, Jul 26 2018, 12:44 pm

tichellady wrote:

She definitely wants the pregnancy, she is crying a lot over this. I believe it's still viable in that the baby is okay for now if that's what you mean.

I did tell her she should tell them, but didn't want to push her too much since she is already in such a vulnerable state. But I will try and encourage her, gently. It's hard. She's so upset honestly I'm not sure she's totally hearing me right now.

tichellady

Thu, Jul 26 2018, 1:01 pm

ShishKabob wrote:

Of course she has something to lose. It’s very personal information that this woman may not want to share with her boss for a variety of reasons. I’m not sure what the op should do, but I definitely think it’s important to see both sides to the situation and to acknowledge that people are entitled to privacy.

ShishKabob

Thu, Jul 26 2018, 1:06 pm

tichellady wrote:

She is trying to help out the girl. Maybe a better idea would be to ask the girl first if she should say something.
I stand corrected and proud enough to say so. Smile

amother

Cobalt

Thu, Jul 26 2018, 1:12 pm

Honestly as someone who has problems with keeping pregnancies. I would ask you to ask this lady before u do anything. And if she says no. Mind your own business. Woman's health is hard to talk about especially if its not ur health that u r discussing.

amother

Slategray

Thu, Jul 26 2018, 1:34 pm

amother wrote:

My first instinct would be to ask her, but if she says no, I'd be left with the same quandary. It would feel morally wrong to break her trust/confidentiality by disclosing her condition to my boss, but on the other hand, I'm fairly confident that he would want to work something out with her where she can work from home, maybe at partial pay (or even full pay if she agrees to make up the hours later?) if he knew that she was risking the baby's life by coming to work. She is just too ashamed/ not thinking clearly to ask.

There is also a niggling concern in my head in regards to his liability in this situation. She literally has to keep her medical records with her at all times in case she spontaneously goes into labor. An employer must have the right to know if an employee is working for him in such a circumstance!

It's just such a sad situation, and I just want to do the right thing.

Thank you everyone for your input, I will continue to encourage her to tell on her own so I don't have to even consider it. But time's running out. (If it hasn't already)

studying_torah

Thu, Jul 26 2018, 1:51 pm

Please say nothing.
This is private information for your coworker to decide whether or not to share.
She might be worried about losing her job, or consequences if she/you speak up or if she needs to go on modified duty. And although legally she can't lose her job for it, in reality it might affect her.

She might have already lost the baby sadly.

Or she might just want to keep things quiet.

zaq

Thu, Jul 26 2018, 1:57 pm

OP, you mean well, but details of a pregnancy are confidential medical information that you have no right to reveal to another party without the woman’s consent. You would be legally in the wrong if you told your bosses anything, even if your coworker didn’t tell you not to.

Your coworker is a competent adult. If she chooses to keep her situation confidential, respect her wishes. You do not have the right to override them. Telling her boss or not telling her boss is HER decision, not yours. You can continue nagging her to confide in the boss, but when all is said and done, she, not you, is the one who gets to decide.

Put the shoe on the other foot: How would you feel if YOU told a coworker about a health problem you had, and she—despite your having asked her quite clearly and many times to keep her trap shut—went ahead and in her infinite wisdom, told your boss?

amother

Aquamarine

Thu, Jul 26 2018, 2:09 pm

amother wrote:

Your logic isn't correct.

Deal with the 'what if she says no' after you ask her. Don't not ask because you don't know what you would do if the answer is no. The answer could be yes. By your own set of morals here - you should be asking her.

And unless the employee could cause immediate harm to her employer if she went into a possibly predicated health event.. there is no reason to disclose this.

essie14

Thu, Jul 26 2018, 2:23 pm

zaq wrote:

THIS ^^