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Forum
-> Parenting our children
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amother
Denim
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 Tue, Aug 07 2018, 10:23 am
There seem to be a number of people who have really suffered through their parents not being available for them.
Just so that the rest of us can do our best for our own kids, what do you feel caused this?
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tf
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Tue, Aug 07 2018, 10:28 am
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Everyone has a different story.
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daagahminayin
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Tue, Aug 07 2018, 10:30 am
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amother
Bisque
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Tue, Aug 07 2018, 10:37 am
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My late husband's sickness and then his death. I carry a lot of guilt.
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amother
Ivory
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Tue, Aug 07 2018, 10:42 am
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I'm not there fully in the way my kids want me to be. Standards have rapidly risen since they were born and it's so hard to keep up with the perfect lifestyle they see others have.
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amother
Denim
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Tue, Aug 07 2018, 10:48 am
| simba wrote: | | My lack of sleep! |
Oh, how I relate to this! When all I can think of is when I can grab even five minutes to close my eyes, I know it is bad.
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rgr
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Tue, Aug 07 2018, 11:36 am
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Being at work instead of being with them
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amother
Cobalt
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Tue, Aug 07 2018, 11:40 am
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I think people who are complaining about there parents not being there for them are talking about a heck of a lot more than being distracted, sleep deprived, overworked, etc. Within reason obviously. These are things kids will mostly understand when they become adults themselves.
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amother
Mistyrose
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Tue, Aug 07 2018, 11:44 am
My self esteem issues.
My computer.
My laziness.
My selfishness.
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amother
Beige
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Tue, Aug 07 2018, 11:47 am
| amother wrote: | | I'm not there fully in the way my kids want me to be. Standards have rapidly risen since they were born and it's so hard to keep up with the perfect lifestyle they see others have. |
Love and care isn't a fashion item. Being there for children doesn't mean giving them what the Joneses have nor is it about how cool your family trips are.
Be present and be real. THAT is keeping up...
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Maya
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Tue, Aug 07 2018, 11:49 am
| Zehava wrote: | | My need for space |
This, for me.
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amother
Red
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Tue, Aug 07 2018, 11:50 am
My other kids.
The issues the child has, my inate reaction to them, and what the child considers "being there for them."
I posted on the thread about having a hard time liking a kid. I have one who drains so much time and energy that to be there as this child feels they need would mean no time and/or energy for the others. This child also wants things and a kind of attention that isn't good for them, including validation of acts that are not ok and are bad for him. I have done a lot for this child that he would likely consider being not there for him, plus I often run out of energy.
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amother
Denim
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Tue, Aug 07 2018, 11:52 am
OP here. I started this because I was surprised at the level of bitterness in people's posts about why people have kids if they are not around for them.
They must be talking about a lot more than just regular life getting in the way if they are so bitter. What is making them feel so angry so many years down the line? How can we be sure we are not doing the same thing to our kids?
The thing is, I've also seen a lot here about having small families "to be there for your kids". Does having less people to care for automatically translate into a higher level of care for those who you have already?
and does having enough money automatically translate into having a peaceful life and therefore being able to give your kids more?
Seems to me that not.. what do you think?
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Zehava
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Tue, Aug 07 2018, 11:56 am
| amother wrote: | OP here. I started this because I was surprised at the level of bitterness in people's posts about why people have kids if they are not around for them.
They must be talking about a lot more than just regular life getting in the way if they are so bitter. What is making them feel so angry so many years down the line? How can we be sure we are not doing the same thing to our kids?
The thing is, I've also seen a lot here about having small families "to be there for your kids". Does having less people to care for automatically translate into a higher level of care for those who you have already?
and does having enough money automatically translate into having a peaceful life and therefore being able to give your kids more?
Seems to me that not.. what do you think? |
So here’s the thing. Having less people to care for doesn’t automatically translate into a higher level of care
Having enough money doesn’t automatically translate into a peaceful life
But
Having more kids than you can handle automatically translates into some or all falling by the wayside
And not having enough money automatically translates into being stressed out about money
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amother
Plum
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Tue, Aug 07 2018, 12:06 pm
This is in the realm of normal parenting, not neglect or abuse:
Don't impose your ideas on your children
. You may think money is super important, but it may not be for your child. Or other ways that parents stifle their children in the name of helping them. This breeds huge resentments.
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Sandrine
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Tue, Aug 07 2018, 12:20 pm
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Also, having few children but that they have very significant disabilities and specific needs does make other and different demands on you as a parent. My life is often difficult and complex ( and I could sometimes scream ) but it’s the one that G-d gave me and I am truly grateful.
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Emotional
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Tue, Aug 07 2018, 12:21 pm
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My sensory issues and need for quiet
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amother
Denim
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Tue, Aug 07 2018, 1:08 pm
| amother wrote: | This is in the realm of normal parenting, not neglect or abuse:
Don't impose your ideas on your children
. You may think money is super important, but it may not be for your child. Or other ways that parents stifle their children in the name of helping them. This breeds huge resentments. |
Could you explain? I am not sure what you mean by stifling them in the name of helping the because you have certain values. How do your values stifle your kids?
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