Teaching toddlers proper names for their anatomy

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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

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amother

Sapphire

Wed, Aug 22 2018, 8:00 pm

amother wrote:

Amother sappire, why is it wrong to learn the word vulva st 14-15?? Nothing to be shocked about. Your parents didn't wrong you. I can't fathom why it's important for a toddler to know this word.
I'm sure I'm not the only one with the opinion that a school will not tolerate kids saying the word p-enis.

I understand how you feel. Truly. For me and my husband, it’s no different than teaching them any other correct name for a body part. It’s cute to teach them it’s your pee-pee (or the other cutsie words) and tushy, but my kids know their tushy is their buttocks.

I do use baby words for other things in life, but not anatomical parts. I was mortified that my parents and community thought it shameful to teach those words.

My kids, my oldest is 8, never use the words without a meaningful reason. As far as school, I don’t think my kids have used the words, because I never got a call for a meeting.

By the way, we’re very frum.

simba

Wed, Aug 22 2018, 8:08 pm

amother wrote:

I have never used the word buttocks or vulv@ in my entire life.

I am not sure what this need to itemize body parts is. It has nothing to do with shame it's just weird for a 5 yr old to say " mom, I need help wiping my buttocks" or mom " my vulva is itchy".
It is just not words in a child's vocabulary.

bigsis144

Wed, Aug 22 2018, 8:18 pm

My policy is to use anatomical names about 10-20% of the time, and terms like “tummy” or “tush” or “pisher” or “private parts” (depending on age) the rest of the time. That way they know the real names, but still have a sense of context-based tznius.

Euphemism time:
• “you wanna feel the baby kicking? Here, put your hand on my belly.”
• When my preschooler walks out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles, I’ll say “hey mister, you gotta cover up your tushie before you come out of the bathroom!”
• I remind my son in the tub to “wash all your little cracks and crevices - did you get your armpits? Around your pisher and your tushie? Get that loofah between your leggies!”

But in an anatomical/medical context I use the correct terms.

Anatomy time:
• “the doctor needs to quickly check your pen1s and t3sticles to see make sure you’re healthy. You can keep your underwear on, and I’ll be right here with you, okay?”

• “don’t ever EVER stick things up your anu5. You could seriously hurt yourself. That’s for poop going out only.”

• conversation with my very scientifically-minded almost 9-year-old. I’m almost relieved he asked so many good questions, because it makes me feel like he is comfortable talking to me about this and that he is ready for the answers.

He always gets most curious and talkative right before bed 😉

DS: “does the baby see all the food in your stomach?”
Me: “nope, my stomach is like one “balloon” for food and digestive juices. The baby grows in its own balloon called a uterus that is just perfect for them to grow bigger and stronger.”
DS: “how does the baby get out? Does the doctor have to cut you open?”
Me: “well, sometimes that does happen, but usually the baby gets squeezed out through a special hole in the Ima’s body that closes back up afterwards.”
DS (suspicious): “is it your belly button?”
Me: “no, the hole is lower down, between the Ima’s legs, it’s one of her private parts.”
DS: “is it her poopy hole??”
Me: “the poopy hole is the anu5. Women actuall have three holes. (holds up hand with three fingers up) there’s the urethra for pishing in the front—“
DS: “like a pisher?”
Me: “well, girls don’t have a pen1s that sticks out like a boy - you saw when I was changing LT’s diaper, right? - but the urethra is still a hole for pish to come out of. Then there’s the anu5 in the back for poop, and in the middle is the vag1na, which is usually very small but opens up wide when a baby gets pushed out from the uterus. Then it gets small again.”
DS: “how does the baby get food in your uterus?”
Me: “the baby is connected to the mommy by an umbilical cord. The baby doesn’t breathe air in there or eat with their mouth - the umbilical cord gives everything they need right into their bloodstream and it connects here (I point to his belly) at the belly button! That’s why everybody has a bellybutton!”
DS: “do they have to cut it when the baby comes out??”
Me: “yes, exactly. The doctor cuts the umbilical cord when the baby comes out. It’s amazing! In just a moment, HaShem helps the baby switch to breathing air and drinking mommy milk. And YOU need to go to sleep now. Those were some great questions and we can talk more tomorrow, okay? Good night, I love you.”

I think I did okay? I’m not mentally ready for the birds and bees talk yet, though, but I’m certainly going to try to have an age-appropriate explanation for this kid.

— yes, I realize topic is about toddlers, I just typed up the whole convo before I remembered and I don’t want to delete it after all that. Don’t let me derail

Fox

Wed, Aug 22 2018, 8:22 pm

bigsis144 wrote:

I think I did okay?

I think you did incredibly! I wish I'd sent my kids to you when they were little. They claim I was so vague that they're amazed they ever got toilet trained!

mommy3b2c

Wed, Aug 22 2018, 8:28 pm

simba wrote:

I completely agree. I have no problem with my kids knowing the word p-nis. (And they do know the word). I just think it’s weird for kids to say “I need to urinate from my pe-nis”. It’s just weird.

amother

Sapphire

Wed, Aug 22 2018, 8:28 pm

simba wrote:

There’s a difference between an itchy vag and an itchy vulv.

Many women don’t know the difference. It’s sad.

My daughters will know. It’s the name of the part. The weirdness about the words is a community thing. I’m taking my chances that my community doesn’t know that my children have no weird idea about their body part names. Why teach them that it’s any different than their elbow or heart?

amother

Scarlet

Wed, Aug 22 2018, 8:43 pm

Amother sappire, why do you think it's so important for a toddler to know the difference between a v-Gina & a vulva?? What does she gain from knowing this information? She has time to find out these things when you give her the "talk". (That is if you haven't given her the talk yet, I wouldn't be surprised.)

westchestermom

Wed, Aug 22 2018, 8:54 pm

I'm a nurse and I teach my daughters the proper words. I'm one hundred percent sure that people are offended, but I don't think there's anything wrong with it. And my 7 year old has said that her vulva itches or hurts, for example if the baby dumps a bunch of shampoo in their bath or something. However, she decided on her own that those words aren't appropriate in school (her words). She told me that she learned mammals feed their young, but she told me that she didn't want to say the words breast or breastfeeding.

NovelConcept

Wed, Aug 22 2018, 9:09 pm

thunderstorm wrote:

I'm sorry . I didn't think anyone is an ignoramus. I guess I am the ignoramus. I grew up in an English speaking Chasidish home and I didn't know the real word of a woman's private part until , believe it or not , right before I got married . And I grew up in a very open minded home . We were not "educated" with the real words. Neither were the boys. I only knew what the boys private was called because of a neighbor who insisted on using the real words and would say "Yaakov make sure your pen-s is in the right place so that you don't urinate on the floor" when she was toilet training her two yr old.
I was referring to the girls classmates when I said they won't know what she is saying. I wasn't referring to the teachers.

Ahhh. I thought you were referring to the teachers, not the students. Thanks for clarifying.
You have regained your positive standing. Smile

amother

Sapphire

Wed, Aug 22 2018, 9:11 pm

amother wrote:

Because that’s what they are! They have different names. Theyre different body parts.

The only reason these correct words are verboten is because many are thinking in zexual terms. That’s disturbing to me.

amother

Mauve

Wed, Aug 22 2018, 9:12 pm

amother wrote:

She also know what her urethra is.

Ummm.. Honestly, I grew up secular, and I still don't know exactly what that is. Only in the last few years learned more than the v-word. I know that other parts exist, just don't know the term. Because, who cares? I don't think that kids need to know every part of their private anatomy. They need to know how to wipe, and that no one should be touching there. Beyond that, I see no reason that kids even need to the terms. I never had a child ask me the name.

simba

Wed, Aug 22 2018, 9:17 pm

amother wrote:

They aren't s-xual. Buttocks, vulva..even v@gina isn't.
They are bodybparts. Maybe private ones. Just not normal vocabulary for a child. That's all.
Do they label all other body parts the same. Or is this just fighting a cause that doesn't exist.

Does she have a pink cornea?
A cranium ache?
Tired forearms?

amother

Sapphire

Wed, Aug 22 2018, 9:27 pm

simba wrote:

I’m not fighting a cause. I think you’re reaching. My children say their “eye” instead of cornea. By the way, a great way of teaching your older children the parts of their eye is by using LOPRICS: lens, optic nerve, pupil, retina, iris, cornea, sclera.

Cranium ache? Don’t be silly.

Your normal vocabulary is just different from mine. My children know their parts names.

amother

Mauve

Wed, Aug 22 2018, 9:33 pm

westchestermom wrote:

I was always super embarrassed to use anatomical terms, so I would always ask for a "chicken chest" instead of a chicken breast... LOL!

amother

Wheat

Wed, Aug 22 2018, 9:44 pm

amother wrote:

Kids don’t need to know many things - some kids however are interested in anatomy.

And some parents are interested in teaching kids anatomy. So what.

(A urethra is what connects your bladder to the outside world. Door #1 in the basement)

bigsis144

Wed, Aug 22 2018, 9:49 pm

simba wrote:

To me, it’s about disambiguating specific functions.

No one calls it “pink cornea”, not even doctors. Maybe a kid could get a scratched cornea, or hear that Zaidy had surgery on his retina... but if a kid is too young to understand a diagram of said area I’d just say “Zaidy had eye surgery”.

I would never demand my child say “my quadriceps/hamstrings etc hurt” before I offered help and sympathy, that would make me a pedantic psycho. “My leg is sore” is usually enough! But when my kids watch my husband exercise, he often labels major muscle groups for them and they’re not quizzed afterwards, it’s just learning.

I used the word “buttocks” when my son complained he had a “fat tush”. I told him, “your buttocks (of course he thought me using that word was HILARIOUS but I kept a straight face) are exactly the size they’re supposed to be. You’ve got muscle there, like your glutes (hey, familiar word because my husband already mentioned it!), and also fat is very important as a cushion for when you sit. Did anybody tell you you have a fat tush?”

See, I switch between the two based on context.

Urethra and vag1na have different functions, and if disambiguation is necessary, I’ll be specific about body parts.

I do not have daughters (yet, who knows what the future holds), so I don’t have any personal examples to describe, but I would probably teach the words urethra and vag1na first in the context of why we wipe front to back (don’t want germs from the anu5 to spread), I remember learning “lab1a” when my mother saw me picking bits of toilet paper out before a bath...

amother

Wheat

Wed, Aug 22 2018, 9:53 pm

bigsis144 wrote:

Doctors call it conjunctivitis:-)

bigsis144

Thu, Aug 23 2018, 12:27 am

Hey, I found a thread about this from 4 years ago, and it was really interesting to see how I simplified my answer for my then-younger son. (FYI, imamother filter replaced my usage of anu5 with the word 'backside'; I taught my son the right words for his own body but held off longer on labeling opposite-s-x anatomy.)

https://www.imamother.com/foru.....95977

I didn't remember this exact conversation (though "was Lelly in your tummy or in your heart?" is absolutely a precious line and I'm glad I wrote it down somewhere!), but it shows how in our family body education is an ongoing thing. I am always honest, but I'll tailor the level of detail to the child's maturity and curiosity.

amother

Lemon

Thu, Aug 23 2018, 12:40 am

amother wrote:

I forgot it will change that word to private part lol. The word that annoys me is gina.

I taught my toddler the correct terms and when she was assaulted as a preschooler, she was able to explain (without my presence) what happened using clear terms that the child protective services people understood and they were able to fully investigate the matter. Front tushie wouldn't have worked.

But I'm sure that only happens to other people's children, Amother Gray, so you're safe.

amother

Sapphire

Thu, Aug 23 2018, 12:48 am

Respectfully asking,
why is telling your daughter at 2/3 years old that what she’s touching in the bathtub her vulva than telling her to wash behind her (word) ears?

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