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Girls playing doctor UPDATE

 
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amother




Coral


Post  Thu, Sep 13 2018, 9:48 am
My DD told me that she was playing doctor with 2 other girls yesterday while they were outside. She gave me her version of events, but of course she might be skipping some details.

I called the teacher to let her know- she said that she tells the girls to stop when she sees this- but of course she can't see what everyone is doing at every moment (there are 30 kids and 2 teachers). She said that sometimes the kids are out of her sight and she might miss things. (and she made sure to point out that even at home I don't see everything my kids are doing at every moment).

So my question is this: is it unreasonable of me to ask her to ensure that the kids are only playing where she can see them? That she is paying close attention to the kids during free play? She is definitely giving me the feeling that I am the most annoying parent ever- but what the heck??!
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pesek zman









  


Post  Thu, Sep 13 2018, 9:49 am
Im sorry what's wrong with playing doctor? Completely normal, developmentally

The issue of playing outside (near the street? Unsupervised?) seems to be a separate and more concerning issue
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amother




Seashell


Post  Thu, Sep 13 2018, 9:55 am
How old are the girls? I’m guessing there is no hidden place or doors to close during recess to hide inappropriate behavior.
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Rachel Shira









  


Post  Thu, Sep 13 2018, 9:56 am
School is not the same as home and the teachers should definitely be able to keep an eye on the whole class (I say this as a teacher). How old is your daughter? It seems crazy to me that a teacher thinks it’s okay to “not see everything that’s going on.” She has responsibility for all these kids!
If by playing doctor you mean that there was any private touching going on, it may be developmentally normal but still something that a teacher should be stopping in its tracks.
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pesek zman









  


Post  Thu, Sep 13 2018, 9:59 am
Rachel Shira wrote:
School is not the same as home and the teachers should definitely be able to keep an eye on the whole class (I say this as a teacher). How old is your daughter? It seems crazy to me that a teacher thinks it’s okay to “not see everything that’s going on.” She has responsibility for all these kids!
If by playing doctor you mean that there was any private touching going on, it may be developmentally normal but still something that a teacher should be stopping in its tracks.


I didn't get that at all. When my preschooler plays Doctor it's not checking the private areas. Is that what you were referring to, OP?
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Rachel Shira









  


Post  Thu, Sep 13 2018, 10:01 am
pesek zman wrote:
I didn't get that at all. When my preschooler plays Doctor it's not checking the private areas. Is that what you were referring to, OP?


That phrase is used euphemistically to mean exploration like that. I assumed since the OP had a problem with it that’s what she meant, but I could be wrong.
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amother




Coral


Post  Thu, Sep 13 2018, 10:01 am
Rachel Shira wrote:
School is not the same as home and the teachers should definitely be able to keep an eye on the whole class (I say this as a teacher). How old is your daughter? It seems crazy to me that a teacher thinks it’s okay to “not see everything that’s going on.” She has responsibility for all these kids!
If by playing doctor you mean that there was any private touching going on, it may be developmentally normal but still something that a teacher should be stopping in its tracks.


Right, thank you!
The girls are 5 and 6. I am not sure if there was private touching today- hard to know if my DD is giving me all the details. But obviously such a thing can escalate.

So my gut tells me to be more annoying, and insist that she ensure that the kids are all in her sight at all times. Who's with me?
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amother




Coral


Post  Thu, Sep 13 2018, 10:03 am
pesek zman wrote:
I didn't get that at all. When my preschooler plays Doctor it's not checking the private areas. Is that what you were referring to, OP?


It means one or more girls are laying down, and the other is using toys (or hands) to check the girl's body. Apparently it was just the stomach today...but who really knows.
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Rachel Shira









  


Post  Thu, Sep 13 2018, 10:05 am
amother wrote:
Right, thank you!
The girls are 5 and 6. I am not sure if there was private touching today- hard to know if my DD is giving me all the details. But obviously such a thing can escalate.

So my gut tells me to be more annoying, and insist that she ensure that the kids are all in her sight at all times. Who's with me?


I think it’s absolutely a teacher’s responsibility to keep an eye on everyone, especially playing outside. The teachers should split up and walk around the playground checking on everyone if it’s particularly large or if there aren’t places that aren’t easily visible. They shouldn’t be standing and chatting with each other. Forget about playing doctor, if she really can’t see them, they could fall and get hurt and she wouldn’t know. I’d speak to the principal if the teacher isn’t cooperative.
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amother




Maroon


Post  Thu, Sep 13 2018, 10:05 am
There was a period of time that my daughter came home every day with a different "boo boo". A bite mark, a bit of hair cut off, a scratch.. I kept calling the teacher & the teacher kept saying " I don't have eyes in the back! I can't see everything that goes on!" When I saw that nothing is being done, I spoke to the principal. That teacher was later put down to a playgroup class of 12 girls.
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Ruchel









  


Post  Thu, Sep 13 2018, 10:06 am
It's not like the person supervising recess sees it all...
Anyway, I'd say ok, but remember tznius etc, only over clothes or whatever.
There's often one person supervising, not a teacher, and she has two eyes
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Chayalle









  


Post  Thu, Sep 13 2018, 10:23 am
On top of everything else said here, OP, it's very important that YOU have a conversation with your DD about appropriate touch, etc...Tell your DD that no one, including her classmates, is allowed to touch her anywhere that her bathingsuit would cover, and more than that, anywhere that is uncomfortable to her. Tell her that she does not have to be the patient in a doctor game if she is uncomfortable, and as doctor, she should not be checking anywhere that involves a privacy breach. Doctor game should pretty much be limited to checking eyes, ears, and mouth.

Children should be playing in a public, supervised area. Even if the teacher can't have her eyes on all her students at once, children of that age should be playing in an open area where they know that the teacher COULD be supervising them and seeing them. I would want to know what the teacher means by the kids "could be playing out of her sight". Does that mean just that her back could be turned, or could they actually be unsupervised? And there's a HUGE difference between children playing in your home out of your sight, with only your family present, or children playing out of adult sight in a school building/setting. That line makes ZERO SENSE.
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amother




Slategray


Post  Thu, Sep 13 2018, 10:51 am
I don't understand your concern with your young daughter playing doctor with other girls her age. Doesn't sound like she's given you any reason to think there is inappropriate touching of private areas going on.

That said, I do think the teacher should do a better job watching the kids. Yes, the kids should be visable. It's her job to watch them.
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amother




Coral


Post  Thu, Oct 04 2018, 4:00 pm
UPDATE: I spoke to the principal but didn't get any clear reassurance or idea of how things will be dealt with moving forward, and the teacher hasn't revisited the subject with me.

(as an aside, there are reasons to believe that one of the girls may have been molested).

I told my daughter not to play doctor- and I secretly hope she'll find other friends- but in the meantime, do I have a duty to tell other parents about this girl so that they can properly protect their children?
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