S/O of a s/o What is the financial reality TRISTATE

mommyla

Sat, Sep 15 2018, 11:10 pm

Do people really spend like that? A new wig every year? $600-800 worth of Shabbos clothes per child per season?! I’d like to think that the “everyone” you see is spending on one or some of the things you write about, not all of them!

We do well financially b”H in Lakewood but I don’t spend like that at all. We’re big savers and also don’t really care about what “everyone” else has or does. I guess we started married life with a lot less money and haven’t really changed our spending habits much...

If people are spending beyond their means for the purpose of fitting in, I feel sorry for them.

amother

Hotpink

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 12:21 am

I'll bite too.
I run my own company. Its a high pressured and time consuming job
2 of my busiest seasons are Pesach and Sukkos.
I go to the Jewish stores & buy what fits and ignore the prices because I can't afford to bargain shop or spend time hunting in non-Jewish stores for tznius clothing at those points in the year. I look at it as a business investment as it allows me to put in many more hours to my work.
So I'm one of the women outfitting my family that way - bet you didn't expect this answer Wink

I don't know if it's considered within my means or not - as nothing is really - I'm building a business and heavily in debt at this point, though hopefully will be out of it soon.

amother

Beige

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 12:28 am

thunderstorm wrote:

Where I live , having a mortgage is cheaper than renting a home of the same size.

I meant the typical size home. We own a 1500 sq ft home that costs us under 2k a month total. (Not including repairs). I don’t understand how everyone is buying 600-800k homes minimum
We want to upgrade. But can’t afford a mortgage at that cost and full Tuition. The monthly costs are staggering.
Unfortanetly I don’t have the scenario you described. Our home is now worth what we paid for it before the last real estate bubble, it didn’t increase at all.
We just had to replace our ac for 3500. BH we have savings and it was fine but that could hit some people rally hard.

amother

Mustard

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 1:19 am

We are students and budget carfully.

My sister lives in Lakewood and Bh has a husband who seems to be doing very well in business. She buys a new Shaitel, expensive (think like 5 digit) jewlary. They travel to Israel and Europe etc. her kids wear designer clothing. Expensive restaurants .... and she has plenty of friends....this def exists.

But all my other siblings are either kolel or starting out in their careers. Still spend and live comfortably but kids clothing on sale and no expensive travel etc,

My parents are wealthy. Help all their kids to cover basics and get on their feet at the beginning and sometimes towards a down payment or education. They have lots of cleaning help and travel often. They do not go to expensive hotels or luxury restaurants or shop expensive kids stores etc.

My in laws live a crazy high lifestyle, my fil carries a tremendous amount of debt.

We are just the two of us and as far as I can tell just the basics are so so expensive and add up so quickly! We will iyh be working soon, in professions that supposedly are upper class/ make money but I still don’t see us living lavishly like the lifestyle that Instagram and the ads try to imply is normal.

Btw lakewood cost of living is lower than most places. My friends that are my age have cheappp housing/ food/ babysitters. Most of our budget goes to rent, if we lived in Lakewood it would be about half or less.

amother

Black

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 1:44 am

I’m from bp. I buy myself a $100 shabbos dress each season. My mother buys my winter and shabbos robe, as well as my child’s robe.
My mother in law usually buys 2 or 3 weekday outfits for my child and a shabbos outfit. The rest I buy. I like to buy a mix of cheaper (say from aliexpress) and about 2 more expensive - (not crazy expensive) outfits for my child.

Most people that I know either could afford to buy expensive, and the ones that can’t buy cheap, and maybe one better outfit.

amother

Brunette

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 2:13 am

I don't live in tri state but in another community with lots of spending. It is crazy... Matching kids clothes, fancy shoes for toddlers (that aren't even good for new walkers or for anyone to rally walk in. But they are "cute"), new outfits all the time, vacations...
it was shocking to some I didn't have an uppababy or bugaboo stroller... Just "because".
I spend carefully. I budget, use coupons, buy on sale. I do buy when needed but lots of target, Carter's... I shop around for food based on sales and yes, I work full time.
Tuition is crazy so how can we afford to shop in frum stores that rip you off?
People who don't work (Kollel, SAHM, or students) but spend this way. Makes me wonder! How much support do they get?? When I was in school post marriage we got a little- covered rent in a tiny gross apartment (not the fancy ones they are in), basics like utilities, gas, minimal clothes and food. I lived like a student!
I am glad they can live nicely but I am still confused...

SuperWify

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 8:38 am

amother wrote:

Well I’m in kollel and here’s how we do it, I can’t answer for others- DH no income, me I work part time, rest is support from my inlaws. We live literally paycheck to paycheck (although we do have a savings account some money goes into each month)
Clothing- for my LO- he gets lots of hand me downs from my sister who has great taste. So this season she gave me two shabbos shirts (that I bought more expensive leggings than I’d usually buy to go with), lots of tee shirts and sweatshirts pjs that all I had to buy was a few more pjs and tops. I also bought one more expensive shabbos outfit (if you’d see me in that store you’d be shocked I was paying so much- but I guess this is the answer, I didn’t buy him much else) and one really cheap one I lucked out in a Jewish store.
Yes shoes that are good quality for little feet are expensive Sad

For me- I got a few things earlier in the summer for great prices (shoes and two outfits) so than I was able to buy myself an expensive dress now. I also pick up things for weekday whenever I find good deals
For DH- two ties

People think I have an unlimited budget on my fil cc because of what they see. Like-

We travel a lot. (we go visit my inlaws overseas (about twice a year) they fly us in. Sometimes we go away with them.)

We dress good.

I have lots of wigs. (False. I change the styles often so it looks that way 😂)

I have expensive jewelry (all gifts)

But they’d never believe if I say I’m a bit tight this month Sad

(My sister asked me- so your fil just pays your car lease automatically? I’m like huh?)

amother

Dodgerblue

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 10:25 am

SuperWify wrote:

(My sister asked me- so your fil just pays your car lease automatically? I’m like huh?)

Funnily enough this doesnt seem that frugal to me. I understand your justifications but be careful-if you get used to buying "good quality shoes for your little ones feet" and even just one fancy shabbos outfit from the high end childrens boutique, and an expensive dress for yourself after buying regular/sale priced earlier etc...im concerned that IH when you no longer receive support you will find it very hard to continue like this, especially with more kids IH. Unless your income goes way up.

amother

Magenta

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 10:36 am

If you saw me shopping for food you may think I'm one of those but I actually only use food stamps to buy food. We lost our foodstanps card a little while ago and while waiting for a new one to show up there was a night that we went to bed a little hungry embarrassed

None of my family in Lakewood spends like you're describing. But because their rent is so much cheaper than mine (and salary not sooo different) they for sure have a few hundred dollars extra to spend a month.

Also I'm not being supported in a money sense but some things are taken care of (car insurance, health insurance, a credit card to a department store...)

But I cant really explain it as in my community (in NY) barely anyone even drives a lease, new shaitels, dips for shabbos...most people live very frugally here. Being supported is less of thing (and we stay in kollel for a while.) The ones that do spend are not in my "community" so I can't speak for them.

I do find though that in Lakewood its more common to have very few outfits that are more expensive rather than a lot of cheaper clothing.

amother

Lemon

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 10:52 am

I am in the tristate area and bh we have pretty good income. We are comfortable but not wealthy. I go to the cheaper Jewish stores to buy my kids shabbos clothing. This season I just bought my two boys clothing last night and was shocked it cost me 275 for four outfits (2 per kid plus extra short for older one) I but when we need and am really not great with sales but would never ever buy in certain stores that clothes is 100 dollars a piece. I usually do spend a bit less I think. However due to my crazy summer I haven't had time to shop and went to the one store that happen to be open last night. It is one of the cheaper Jewish stores around here.
My daughter I bought on the summer on sale for 15 dollars a dress.
My self I buy a few things a season. Bh we have had two weddings in the last six months and another one coming up right after Yom tov so we need to buy stuff suitable for shabbos sheva brochos and the wedding.

I consider myself frugal as I won't spend what lots of ppl would. However I am buying within my means bh and can splurge if I need.

amother

Lemon

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 10:55 am

amother wrote:

Regarding homes. I am in the mortgage business and I see what ppl buy. You don't know what ppls situations are or how they make it work.
Me myself, I bought on a newer part of town a 3000 square foot house for low 5. I have an apt in the house which brings in a nice amount. At the end of the day, my house costs me less that yours. You never know how ppl make things work.

SuperWify

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 1:33 pm

amother wrote:

Thank you for your concern.

Notsobusy

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 2:28 pm

I think the reality is that there are all different people with all different financial realities. There are people who have money and spend it, there are people who have money and don't spend it, there are people who don't have and don't spend, and there are people who don't have and spend anyhow. Some are spending other people's money - they are being supported or get gifts from their parents, and some are putting it on credit cards and accumulating debt. I know people here in Lakewood who fit into all of those categories. There isn't one financial reality for everyone in the tri-state area.

amother

Lime

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 3:12 pm

SuperWify wrote:

(My sister asked me- so your fil just pays your car lease automatically? I’m like huh?)

Which paycheck are you referring to when you say you are living paycheck to paycheck?