S/O of a s/o What is the financial reality TRISTATE

Log in / Sign Up

List of Forums + New Post Recipe Box Usergroups Following My Posts Bookmarks

Private Messages Advanced Search Rules New User Guide FAQ Advertise Contact Us

Forum -> Household Management -> Finances

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 Next

View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother

Magenta

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 4:11 pm

SuperWify wrote:

Anonymous insults?

I don’t care much.

I think what she means to say is that the term living paycheck to paycheck usually does not include putting money away in savings etc... When people say they are living paycheck to paycheck they really mean it.

SuperWify

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 4:24 pm

amother wrote:

I think she meant other things. But I’d love if she can explain.

amother

Scarlet

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 4:47 pm

SuperWify wrote:

I think she meant other things. But I’d love if she can explain.

It’s a bit disingenuous to claim you are literally living paycheck to paycheck adjacent to a sentence where you say you are receiving support from your in laws.

Typically people who use that expression solely rely on a paycheck to get through the month.

You sound like you have a tight budget - meaning the outputs match the inputs, and neither are super big.

amother

Lime

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 5:18 pm

amother wrote:

I just wasn’t sure what she meant by paycheck to paycheck- her paycheck or her ILs support or both? But either way she is living comfortably by many peoples standards. Didn’t mean it as an insult.

SuperWify

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 5:35 pm

Wow. I was predicting this outcome.

Trust me, I wish my DH was working and we didn’t have to rely on others.

I’m sorry if I hurt anybody- what I meant is that’s we are very tight with whatever “income” we have (whatever the source is). I’m sorry for using the word choice.

amother

Natural

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 5:43 pm

amother wrote:

I literally don't understand this post. So her source of "income" is her in-laws - why does that bother you? I don't understand this attitude at all.

amother

Scarlet

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 5:44 pm

SuperWify wrote:

:-) It’s all from Hashem.

amother

Scarlet

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 6:08 pm

amother wrote:

I literally don't understand this post. So her source of "income" is her in-laws - why does that bother you? I don't understand this attitude at all.

I wasn’t the first person to question it - but I was sharing why I thought she did.

But yes - words have meaning, which is why I suggested some more appropriate phrasing.

But if you literally don’t understand it,perhaps I should do better defining my terms

amother

Forestgreen

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 10:00 pm

I live in the tristate and I see that ppl who earn less than me and dh are spending on all these things like takeout cleaning ladies jewish store clothing new expensive wigs.....and it cant be "their parents" giving them bec if a parents is a rebbe or secretary they are not making mire than me so they cant be getting from their parents...

Im curious only bec I want to "learn how to be able tohave enough to spend like that. Is it really the case that these ppl are getting into debt to live this lifestyle?? I find that hard to believe bec im so budget consious ....

But, the truth is that these jewish clothing stores, sheitels stores, takeout counters,...etc are doing well bh and its impossible that only the wealthy are supporting them as I live in a place where its not majority rich...When I see ppl buying tons of food, I can see they are not using a food stamp card and am wondering how these sahms with dh rebbes can afford this. I live frugally and am confused as to wat im doing "wrong" in my finances. Obviously, hashem decides who will be rich and who wont but I want to know how these ppl afford....

Like my inlaws who have good jobs but claim they have "no money" and "need help" from my rich grandparents....but then my inlaws are buying expensive meats and lots of shmura matzo for yom tov in addition to fruit platters delivered.....yes I know they have 30k debt but im find it hard to believe ppl would just "spend without budgeting" on expensive luxeries if it will put them in debt.???

I used to think certain low paying working ppl in our communities would certainly live simpler but I dont see this in my tristate community. I feel like im the only one living so frugally and yes bh I and dh have a job but it only pays all my expenses bec I live so so frugal with no money for new outfits for me no hired help no takeout no new sheitels, and of course being careful about wat I buy. Im glad u brought this up bec im wondering this and my dh says everyone is probably in debt which is so hard to believe especially since the tuition committee takes spending on these luxeries into account.

amother

Violet

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 10:22 pm

I live in the tristate area and Bh dh has a successful business so we can well afford all of the things mentioned. It took me a while to grow comfortable with this reality and be okay with buying some expensive things, relatively speaking, I consider a 25$ stretchie expensive while others who make way less than me spend 200$ on a child’s t-shirt.
I’m still getting my groove, learning what to spend on and what not. Last season my baby had a more expensive wardrobe since he wasn’t moving around yet but now that he’s on the floor most of the day and getting dirty from eating, most of his wardrobe is comfortable carters clothes with some T-shirt’s (9$ losan from an expensive website) and sweaters paired with carters leggings for going out. I buy better quality winter coats now, try to get them on sale but if not it’s okay. I spend more on myself, 475$ for three long sleeve tsnius dresses.
And like others have mentioned I do see mostly people who I know don’t make as much money spending way more on clothes. While millionaires wives don’t give a darn about what their kids are wearing. I think it’s somewhat of a status thing. Like you try getting there but once you’re there there’s no one to impress anymore so you just do what you want. If that makes any sense.

Mommyg8

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 10:27 pm

amother wrote:

I don't know where you live, but most people I know who are Rabbeim, kollel, etc are either:

A. living very very very simply, and yes I do knows people like that,

B. Have wealthy in-laws or parents who help them out,
Or

C. The wife has a very good job, the husband tutors on the side, etc.

Of course lots of people do go into debt, I think most frum people are living at least somewhat above their means. Noones going to admit it here, though, but I think that's definitely part of the answer.

As for your in-laws, of course "no money" is a relative concept. If all your friends are able to afford expensive pesach hotels for the entire family and you can't, I guess that's one version of "no money". Everything is relative.

ShishKabob

Mon, Sep 17 2018, 1:48 pm

I live in the tristate area.
I would say many people go over their budget to keep up.
then again, it's no so difficult to go over your budget when the expenses are through the roof and the income is below the roof. And that's without buying all brand names and treating yourself to massages and take out food.
The pressure is very real.

amother

Lawngreen

Mon, Sep 17 2018, 2:31 pm

Edited it out as ive been outed. Sad

allthingsblue

Mon, Sep 17 2018, 2:33 pm

Wow, lawngreen. You are inspiring!

amother

Bronze

Mon, Sep 17 2018, 7:12 pm

Lawngreen, can I ask what you do?

I'm inspired by you.
I do understand the way you live, been there, done that.

We did buy a house early though as we saved every penny from Chasunah gifts ( we ddn't get a ton, but saved it all) and lived frugally as newlyweds when expenses were low.

We don't buy anything fancy, bare minimums, have old shaitel. I don't ever feel the need t keep u with the Cohens, but that's my nature. I prefer a bank account to the latest clothes, manicures, vacations and eating out or cleaning help.

I don't have a huge bank account but we can pay tuition and saving for weddings.

amother

Lawngreen

Mon, Sep 17 2018, 7:15 pm

amother wrote:

Edited out

amother

Gold

Mon, Sep 17 2018, 7:16 pm

lawngreen-off topic but which tzedakahs do you give to? Always looking...

amother

Tangerine

Mon, Sep 17 2018, 8:24 pm

SuperWify wrote:

Well I’m in kollel and here’s how we do it, I can’t answer for others- DH no income, me I work part time, rest is support from my inlaws. We live literally paycheck to paycheck (although we do have a savings account some money goes into each month)
Clothing- for my LO- he gets lots of hand me downs from my sister who has great taste. So this season she gave me two shabbos shirts (that I bought more expensive leggings than I’d usually buy to go with), lots of tee shirts and sweatshirts pjs that all I had to buy was a few more pjs and tops. I also bought one more expensive shabbos outfit (if you’d see me in that store you’d be shocked I was paying so much- but I guess this is the answer, I didn’t buy him much else) and one really cheap one I lucked out in a Jewish store.
Yes shoes that are good quality for little feet are expensive Sad

For me- I got a few things earlier in the summer for great prices (shoes and two outfits) so than I was able to buy myself an expensive dress now. I also pick up things for weekday whenever I find good deals
For DH- two ties

People think I have an unlimited budget on my fil cc because of what they see. Like-

We travel a lot. (we go visit my inlaws overseas (about twice a year) they fly us in. Sometimes we go away with them.)

We dress good.

I have lots of wigs. (False. I change the styles often so it looks that way 😂)

I have expensive jewelry (all gifts)

But they’d never believe if I say I’m a bit tight this month Sad

(My sister asked me- so your fil just pays your car lease automatically? I’m like huh?)

I sincerely don't mean to give you a hard time but it's not that far fetched to suggest that your in laws in a way are paying for your car. If you would not be able to support your family without gezunte help from them each month, then their support is helping you with everything. This includes the money you set aside each month to save. If You are relying on the in laws support without which you wouldn't be able to set aside money, then they really have a chailek in the money being set aside.

I'm sorry if this is a pet peeve of mine. It bothers me that young families don't give the credit that their in laws deserve. My favorite was I saw on this site someone said she doesn't receive any money from her parents. She did concede that they pay half of her 5 tuitions directly to the yeshiva. In her mind since she never saw the actual cash she didn't feel like they were really giving her money. Again, there Is nothing wrong with generous parents helping. We took money for years from my parents. But we all need to give the credit they are due.

amother

Aquamarine

Mon, Sep 17 2018, 8:55 pm

amother lawn green, can I ask how it’s possible to make 100k doing early intervention? I’m in the same field, and barely make half of that. What agency do you work for, and at what rate?

SixOfWands

Mon, Sep 17 2018, 9:12 pm

amother wrote:

If you saw me shopping for food you may think I'm one of those but I actually only use food stamps to buy food. We lost our foodstanps card a little while ago and while waiting for a new one to show up there was a night that we went to bed a little hungry embarrassed

None of my family in Lakewood spends like you're describing. But because their rent is so much cheaper than mine (and salary not sooo different) they for sure have a few hundred dollars extra to spend a month.

Also I'm not being supported in a money sense but some things are taken care of (car insurance, health insurance, a credit card to a department store...)

But I cant really explain it as in my community (in NY) barely anyone even drives a lease, new shaitels, dips for shabbos...most people live very frugally here. Being supported is less of thing (and we stay in kollel for a while.) The ones that do spend are not in my "community" so I can't speak for them.

I do find though that in Lakewood its more common to have very few outfits that are more expensive rather than a lot of cheaper clothing.

WADR, you are being supported in the money sense. Your family uses money to pay for your car insurance. They use money to pay for your health insurance. They use money to pay for whatever it is that you buy in the department store. Add it up. Its likely at least $700 a month, or $8400 a year. Maybe more. That's a lot of money.

Please give them the credit that they deserve.

Page 3 of 6

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 Next