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-> Manners & Etiquette
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amother
White
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 Sat, Sep 29 2018, 6:56 pm
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Help me understand how to know if I'm flirting. I dress Tznius but sometimes catch men staring at me. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I don't wear makeup but don't want to give away too much information about myself.
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mommy3b2c
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Sat, Sep 29 2018, 6:58 pm
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You’re not flirting. I’m not sure why men looking at you translates to you flirting. Are you sure you know the definition of the word?
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amother
White
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Sat, Sep 29 2018, 7:10 pm
According to Wikipedia, making eye contact or staring is considered flirting. My question is, if I look at a man, am I automatically flirting with him or do I need to make a facial expression to be considered flirting?
I recently attended a shiur for men and women. I was watching the Rabbi speak, as were the other women in the room. I suddenly noticed the Rabbi staring at me. I was expressionless just waiting for him to look away. At the end of the shiur, as I walked out with the other women, the Rabbi looked at me with disgust. What did I do wrong?
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Rachel Shira
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Sat, Sep 29 2018, 7:13 pm
| amother wrote: | According to Wikipedia, making eye contact or staring is considered flirting. My question is, if I look at a man, am I automatically flirting with him or do I need to make a facial expression to be considered flirting?
I recently attended a shiur for men and women. I was watching the Rabbi speak, as were the other women in the room. I suddenly noticed the Rabbi staring at me. I was expressionless just waiting for him to look away. At the end of the shiur, as I walked out with the other women, the Rabbi looked at me with disgust. What did I do wrong? |
Nothing. You probably misinterpreted his look. And chances are he wasn’t actually staring at you specifically either.
If you glance at a man, that’s not flirting.
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amother
White
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Sat, Sep 29 2018, 7:17 pm
| Rachel Shira wrote: | Nothing. You probably misinterpreted his look. And chances are he wasn’t actually staring at you specifically either.
If you glance at a man, that’s not flirting. |
Is there a time limit for a glance? My problem is my mind works very slow because I am constantly daydreaming. Sometimes I'm not even aware that I'm looking in one direction.
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Rachel Shira
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Sat, Sep 29 2018, 7:20 pm
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I think you have to be doing something to be attracting attention to be flirting. Like batting your eyelashes, giggling, being touchy, winking, etc.
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little neshamala
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Sat, Sep 29 2018, 7:27 pm
| amother wrote: | According to Wikipedia, making eye contact or staring is considered flirting. My question is, if I look at a man, am I automatically flirting with him or do I need to make a facial expression to be considered flirting?
I recently attended a shiur for men and women. I was watching the Rabbi speak, as were the other women in the room. I suddenly noticed the Rabbi staring at me. I was expressionless just waiting for him to look away. At the end of the shiur, as I walked out with the other women, the Rabbi looked at me with disgust. What did I do wrong? |
First of all how do you know he was looking at you "with disgust"? Why would you even think that?? Maybe he thinks youre familiar and hes trying to place you? Maybe he was just trying to establish some sincere eye contact, making himself appear available for questions? Maybe you had an extra large booger stuck under your nose and he was debating how/whether to tell you without mortifying you?
And about flirting...no, making eye contact and staring is not considered flirting. If that were true then every man who looked you in the face while talking would be a flirt. Every woman who stared in wonder at a truly riveting and inspiring speaker would be a flirt.
Flirting is behaving in a way that is asking for a guy to look at/think of you in a certain way. And just because theres a weirdo out there who gets some vibes whenever he witnesses a woman scratch her cheek, the action of the cheek scratch is still not flirting. You need to FLIRT in order to be flirting. Extra sensual eye contact. A suggestive smile. A suggestive eyebrow raise. Constant ruffling your hair. Whatever. You know what it is if youre doing it. Its any behavior that youre doing purposely because you like that guy, to make him think positive thoughts about you in a somewhat romantic light.I reeeeeeaally dont think youre flirting
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amother
White
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Sat, Sep 29 2018, 7:28 pm
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dankbar
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Sat, Sep 29 2018, 8:11 pm
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Maybe you are just drop dead gorgeous!!
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allthingsblue
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Sat, Sep 29 2018, 8:29 pm
Op, as a general rule I've found it to be helpful to assume nothing unless someone outright says (or does) something to you.
Don't interpret anyone's looks to mean anything. Chances are 99% that you're interpretation was incorrect.
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amother
Ginger
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Sat, Sep 29 2018, 11:08 pm
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Stop imagining that men are staring st you. It will help you in life.
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Metukah
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Sun, Sep 30 2018, 1:20 am
Op your post is very confusing.
Do you think you are flirting without realising?
Do you think you are very pretty.
The story about the rav at the shiur seems very unlikely.
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shabbatiscoming
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Sun, Sep 30 2018, 2:01 am
OP, do you actually know the real definition of what flirting is?
https://www.dictionary.com/browse/flirt?s=t
Looking at someone is not flirting. Flirting is an action word.
Also, I am 99% sure the story with the rabbi was not really how it happened but how you, for some reason, were perceiving it.
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FranticFrummie
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Sun, Sep 30 2018, 2:10 am
Men will look at anything that might have female chromosomes. Unless you are actively attracting attention to yourself, you have no responsibility for where men look.
The rabbi in question may have had indigestion. You have no idea what he was thinking. Why would anyone be disgusted with you? You sound like a lovely woman who wants to do the right thing.
Here's an example of flirting: I went to the grocery store the other day, and asked the butcher for some chicken. He took his time wrapping up the chicken, and and asked me if I was new in town. I am. Then he managed to "casually" mention that he was divorced, owned his own apartment, made Aliyah when he was X years old, and has been here for X years, so I know how old he is. Then, he gives me a big smile and asks me "Is there anything more I can get you" (like my phone number?) I said I'm just fine, and took my chicken.
He kept trying to keep me at the counter with further conversation, and I had to tell him politely 3 times that I needed to get back home. He was NOT taking the hint, even though I was taking steps away down the aisle. I finally managed to break free, and now I'm worried that every time I need fresh meat, he's going to think that I'm fresh meat too!
THAT, my dear, is flirting. From a frum man, no less.
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animeme
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Sun, Sep 30 2018, 3:02 am
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If you are daydreaming and it appears you are looking at someone, man or woman, for a long time, and they notice, they may be confused and wonder why. No flirting involved.
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Ruchel
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Sun, Sep 30 2018, 4:41 am
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I can be looking because the person reminds me of someone, is strange, I'm delighted to see a family in full on levush or whatever. Live and don't worry as long as you're not trying to have these guys talk to you
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amother
Cobalt
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Sun, Sep 30 2018, 6:02 am
| amother wrote: | | Help me understand how to know if I'm flirting. I dress Tznius but sometimes catch men staring at me. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I don't wear makeup but don't want to give away too much information about myself. |
Me too. No makeup either. Dress simply and tznius. I have a cute face which I cannot change. I don't give it much thought. I go about my business and don't think about it.
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Ruchel
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Sun, Sep 30 2018, 6:05 am
Even if you did have make up and all - or were not tznius, this is NOT flirting.
Being harassed is not flirting either.
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thunderstorm
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Sun, Sep 30 2018, 6:10 am
| amother wrote: | | Is there a time limit for a glance? My problem is my mind works very slow because I am constantly daydreaming. Sometimes I'm not even aware that I'm looking in one direction. |
Maybe because you daydream you stare at one person for a while, so really you are doing the staring and you are possibly not aware of that. When people get stared at some respond with a long stare back on purpose to make you uncomfortable and to sort of say "stop staring at me". So maybe that's what's happening. Don't know. But regardless there is nothing flirtatious going on here at all.
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amother
Mistyrose
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Sun, Sep 30 2018, 8:00 am
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