My kids (all ages) always listen to me, AMA

amother

Copper

Tue, Nov 06 2018, 6:44 pm

simba wrote:

Don’t leave so quickly.
Can you tell is how you are preparing your kids for the real world?
Where not everyone talks nicely and their aren’t always surprises for breakfast. Sometimes you just have to.
Do you feel like your kids have space to develop their individuality and opinions or they just live in utopia?

Okay Simba. Because I respect you, I'll respond here.
1) they have a lot to deal with. They have tailor-made nisyonos that build them. I'm often in hospital due to a family member. Sorry can't be more specific.
2) they see how I respond to insults. I don't. We work a lot on character building. I teach them to make something of themselves so that they can always be their own best friend.
3) yes. I'm big into this. They write diaries from the age they can write. The older ones are involved in family projects and we discuss a lot together. I am always open to hearing how I can improve too.

Rachel Shira

Tue, Nov 06 2018, 6:48 pm

amother wrote:

Oh, of course that is what I meant. They're kids, not robots. And when I respond kindly and calmly, they listen. Perhaps I should change the title to 'kids almost always listen'. The main thing is the positive atmosphere at home.

I would say “I have great parenting techniques, ama” or something like that. I don’t know if the point is how often your kids listen but that you parent in a calm and positive way, which is definitely admirable and one that many people can aspire to. I think the thing that scared people or made them feel inadequate is that they thought your kids jump to attention whenever you say anything, and it doesn’t seem like that’s true (or possible).

amother

Copper

Tue, Nov 06 2018, 6:51 pm

Rachel Shira wrote:

Got you!
Yes, you are absolutely right!
(I would change the title. Except I think it may be better for it to be reported and deleted. Hoping someone will do that.)

gold21

Tue, Nov 06 2018, 7:31 pm

Do you have a lot of household help?

I mean... Are you never tired, exhausted, overwhelmed, or stressed?

I mean, I'm overall a good mom and my kids are overall well behaved B"H, but ... I mean, they're kids. And I'm human. So....

Hmm. This thread is a stumper.

Zehava

Tue, Nov 06 2018, 7:34 pm

Wow coming from the wealth thread and again the jealousy is through the roof. Wow
Just want to say that I started a new parenting course and loving it. My kids don’t always listen, I actually don’t even want them to always listen. But I can feel myself changing. And the one who needs to change the most is me.

amother

Vermilion

Tue, Nov 06 2018, 7:36 pm

Do you have any sn kids? Kids with adhd, explosive disorder, oppositional defiant disorder, anxiety or any other issues?
All of whom are kinds of kids not hard wired to be obidiant?
My oldest was also a very compliant kid, and I patted myself on the back. Then my other kids came along and taught me a lesson.

Btw, I always read that it's not a good sign if kids always behave..... it is a sign of insecurity in the parent's love for them or possibly abuse. How do you feel about that?

keym

Tue, Nov 06 2018, 7:37 pm

Zehava wrote:

Mind saying which course?

amother

Honeydew

Tue, Nov 06 2018, 7:41 pm

amother

Copper

Tue, Nov 06 2018, 7:50 pm

[quote="amother"]My children have special needs so no matter how many parenting books I read, they still don't listen. No matter how calm and loving I am, I will still get threats, things thrown at me and major meltdowns. This thread is very triggering for me. It sounds very much like you are corrolating good parenting with well behaved children...[/quote]

Sorry. I realize now that my post was unkind. And you're right good parenting does not always equal well-behaved children. I wish you loads of nachas from your children.
I can only ask that no one responds to this thread so that at least it won't appear on top.
I regret posting. Please forgive me.

amother

Vermilion

Tue, Nov 06 2018, 8:17 pm

I agree honeydew (that's what I was hinting in my post.)
Also, there are often life circumstances that cause kids to act out (issues in school, bullying, family or parental illness etc.)

SuperWify

Tue, Nov 06 2018, 8:31 pm

amother wrote:

I don't speak like that to kids of any age. I talk to them maturely and respectfully always. If my toddler would throw a tantrum in a store, I would take their hand and walk out. We would then role-play appropriate behaviour. Each time before we go out, I would ask them to remind me how we have to behave.

I help my children with their homework or they do it with a friend. I first make sure they've eaten and rested a little.

My teenagers are the easiest. I have a great relationship with them. I sometimes share with them my chinuch thought-processes.

They all know I love them. And I take chinuch serious. I have had my child of seven write me a card "you are the best mummy. Thanks for the cookies... and best of all for giving chinuch!"

Ah. Your English? I see... Well, ok I understand you a bit better now.

(Yes I’m proud that I talk to my tot in a way he can understand. I don’t role play with a child who has an attention span of three seconds and a very limited understanding of things due to nothing but his age. I say, “Mommy says no noshie now.”
And that’s that.
Enlighten me as to why I’m not “respecting my child” when I talk to him as such.)

causemommysaid

Tue, Nov 06 2018, 8:57 pm

[quote="amother"]

amother wrote:

My children have special needs so no matter how many parenting books I read, they still don't listen. No matter how calm and loving I am, I will still get threats, things thrown at me and major meltdowns. This thread is very triggering for me. It sounds very much like you are corrolating good parenting with well behaved children...[/quote]

Sorry. I realize now that my post was unkind. And you're right good parenting does not always equal well-behaved children. I wish you loads of nachas from your children.
I can only ask that no one responds to this thread so that at least it won't appear on top.
I regret posting. Please forgive me.

You are not being unkind and I don't see anything wrong with this thread. I'm speaking as someone whose kids bash each other into walls for fun and build pillow cities in my bedroom after I told them 800 times that my room is not the playroom.

no one is required to open this thread. Obviously this thread is not intended for people with special needs children. I am surprised that even needs to be said. It's obvious.

sequoia

Tue, Nov 06 2018, 9:06 pm

The butthurt on this thread is unbelievable.

Calm down everyone, this doesn’t sound like an unhealthy or tyrannical situation. Stop making the OP feel bad FOR NO REASON. She wanted to share what parenting techniques work for her. If it’s not relevant to you, just scroll on by.

happyone

Tue, Nov 06 2018, 9:35 pm

I'm sorry for all amothers that feel a need to open aN AMA thread even threads that make no sense. I'm glad my children dont always listen. Yes, they're kids. I dont always practice perfect parenting . But I do better next time. I'm not wealthy, yet we are happy, I dont have a need to share all my life experiences because EVERYONE has a story and we can learn and respect everyone. For now it's gotten to the point where I wish we can block Any AMA thread.

amother

Oak

Tue, Nov 06 2018, 9:37 pm

thunderstorm wrote:

You sound like an amazing mother. But I have seen mothers do exactly the same and they had very difficult and misbehaved children. So of course part of it is your hard work but the other part is special syatta d'shmaya. HaShem gave you a gift and you are truly lucky.[

This!!!

Seas

Tue, Nov 06 2018, 9:39 pm

sequoia wrote:

This. Why the heck open a thread that you find "triggering"? There's plenty of other stuff that you can read.

amother

Goldenrod

Tue, Nov 06 2018, 9:48 pm

Op, my sense is you're an "older" mommy, in your forties, fifties, or maybe even older. That you've devoted much time to honing your skills, that you've made this a priority and gave it your full attention. And that you are reaping the fruits of your labor.

I feel I can relate to you and your parenting style.