Does anyone really have a good life?

amother

Tan

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 3:54 pm

wow, what a thread. I feel like those worried about ayin harah are staying far away from this thread and not commenting, but reading through this is depressing. I can't imagine viewing the world as so full of suffering that I wouldn't want to bring a child into it. So I'll be honest- yes I've suffered, but life is GOOD Baruch Hashem. The goodness far outweighs the suffering- don't most of you feel that way???

kenz

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 4:02 pm

amother wrote:

Both. challenges are part of life. The older you get the more challenges you have. Small children small problems, big children big problems.

I know you didn’t create this quote but I HATE it. At one point I had a terminally ill infant. Was that a small problem?
I have been through many challenges and yes, I have a good life, bH, for which I am eternally grateful to HKBH. Just because life is good doesn’t mean it’s not hard sometimes too, and vice versa.

amother

Navy

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 4:13 pm

nomismommy wrote:

I think if you gave the same life to 2 different people.. one might say it's a good life and the other will say it's bad.
It all comes down to your attitude. Are you a negative person? If you are.. you will always see the bad . As if it's highlighted. If you're a positive person you'll see the good. So that's why some people are happy and they're poor, have struggles.. and some are unhappy even though they have a loving family and lots of money.
I know a woman who has a wonderful husband, he adores her, they have kids, money... She's unhappy. Nothing is good enough for her, she complains all the time. Her kids don't want to visit anymore.. so she makes her own misery you see?

A lot of ppl here say this but im assuming those saying this have not really struggled with "harder" things like not being able to pay the heating bill and then getting pnuemonia ...or having a disease such that u cant wipe your feces when you make and the aides who are supposed to wipe you refuses and you are left with feces on you and an infection from it...or like when your child cant breathe with perfume scent and the agency only sends you a nurse who wears perfume and then makes up a lie about you that you tried to hit her bec the nurse doesnt want to be told not to wear perfume....or that your dad was abusive growing up and always got into a rage which meant if you dont "run" you will get beaten up and your entire childhood you didnt have money or proper clothes or food such that as soon as you were 12, you were working every free"" moment to be able to buy yourself deoderant, food.....

I could go on and on but its not "just about attitude". If you still believe it is, then please tell me what I should say to "help my friend with her "attitude" when she pours her heart out to me. Or what to say to the kids suffering like above.....

thunderstorm

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 4:23 pm

amother wrote:

I agree that it may sound impossible that these constant tzaros are based on attitude but I believe there is a correlation of suffering and a mindset.
My DH said that Rabbi YY Jacobson just spoke about it. There is something called "The Laws of Attraction". We have a certain energy that can cause positive or negative outcomes. Read up on the Law of Attraction online so that you get a better understanding.
This is not blaming a person for their suffering but may help a person that suffers one thing after the other.

amother

Cerulean

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 4:24 pm

amother wrote:

when your child cant breathe with perfume scent and the agency only sends you a nurse who wears perfume

Op, I don't know if this is a personal situation or your friend's situation. It's horrible. I have the same problem and haven't met anyone irl with this problem. I'm trying to understand how this problem can be resolved. I have some ideas, none of which are feasible absent a significant sum of money, but wondering if you might have some ideas as well. Is living in a bubble the only viable option?

I'm concerned about derailing the thread, so I'm thinking maybe email would be better. my email address is [deleted]

If you're uncomfortable, or would rather not for whatever reason, it's ok. Not to worry. Life will go on....

amother

Smokey

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 4:40 pm

Kiwi13 wrote:

A “good life” and an “easy life” aren’t the same thing. Many people have good lives. Not sure if anyone has it “easy,” though. Sometimes things are very, very hard and the focus just needs to be on getting through each moment one at a time. And then the sun comes back out, even if only long enough for you to catch your breath and renew your hope. And we keep moving forward a day at a time, because that’s all we can do.

I consider my life to be very, very good. But it is not without its struggles, and sometimes I feel knocked to the floor by the challenges. I posted last night on this site that I was looking for support. I had some crazy hard things happen over the weekend. Today is Tuesday and it’s a better day. Life is good. Not necessarily easy, but good.

Hi this is lavender from last night's thread and just wanted to say I was very happy to read this post.

amother

Babypink

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 4:48 pm

kenz wrote:

I'm so sorry for what you went through, that's not a small problem at all.

But that's not what the quote is referring to. It means little kids you need to make sure all their physical needs are met. Big kids you need to make sure way more than physical needs are met, there's emotional needs, scholastic needs etc.

kenz

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 4:52 pm

amother wrote:

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I’ve heard this phrase many times and I don’t think everyone who says it puts as much thought as you did into it. Additionally, I would argue that small children need their emotional needs met just as much. But let’s not derail the thread.

zaq

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 5:43 pm

amother wrote:

Me too.
I think this way too.
Seems almost cruel to bring a sweet neshama into this world of confusion and pain and suffering.
I surrender to hashem, and daven anyway for a child....we need moshiach.
Feeling beat up

The world is pretty much as it ever was, and people have been thinking this way since at least time immemorial. Be glad that your great grandparents, who probably lived through at least one if not two world wars, didn’t decide not to have children because the world is such a terrible place.

SuperWify

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 5:45 pm

Life sometimes is hard (it’s never easy- not for anyone- we are constantly working to support our families physically and emotionally and perhaps financially) and sometimes it’s harder (when the challenges come).

But overall it is good.

Every bracha we have can be very difficult at times (marriage, kids, career, parents... everything even our cars!).

So yes the car broke down and it’s $600 to fix it but BH we have a car. Yes my mom is angry at me but Bh I have her.

Sunny Days

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 6:38 pm

Kiwi13 wrote:

Exactly as you said it Kiwi!
Thumbs Up

B'H yom yom! I have so much to be grateful for b'H!

amother

Chartreuse

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 6:38 pm

amother wrote:

I use to think that some people have it all. money, looks, shalom bayis, kids etc. but when I was sent so many nisayons at once. I started questioning if it can really be true that there are people out there with barely any problems. is it possible to have some peaceful quiet years in life or is it always going to be a struggle? is there people who are actually not suffering?

I'm just not sure what you mean by "have it all."

We have money. We're not wealthy, but we get by B"H.

Looks? I don't really know. I don't think I'm especially pretty, but I don't care.

Shalom bayis? Yes B"H but for that both people have to be willing to work on it.

Kids? Well, we went through years of infertility and B"H have one child and are hoping for more.

At this point in my life I really do feel like I have it all, even though I know a lot of people feel sorry for me because of infertility, or what they view as poverty, or the fact that I'm married to a guy who is less educated than me, or the fact that I'm socially awkward, or because of some minor health problems I have that I know how to deal with and really don't even notice, or...who knows.

I really think it is a matter of perspective.

Sunny Days

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 6:51 pm

amother wrote:

Of course its not "just about attitude". these are real life struggles, but with a good attitude you can swim better and see the scenic view from the side.
(side point, did all of the above happen to the same person? Sad

)

I have a friend who growing up had what seems to be a very far'tzura'ta life. every imaginable hardship this family experienced. but you know what- she is such an inspiration the way she speaks and looks at life. She once commented on a mutual friend on 'how hard this family has it'. I was left with an open mouth. here her life is a million times harder but 'that one has it hard'...

Cheiny

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 6:57 pm

amother wrote:

We are put here on this earth for a purpose, not to have it easy. Nisyonos are given to everyone, and everyone goes through them, different levels, different times, different tests. You know the old saying about how if everyone had to put their peckel into a room, each person would take back their own. Everyone’s situation is tailor made for them by Hashem, and exactly what they need for their neshama. Accepting that it’s not random, and there’s a purpose to the suffering, and not envying others as you don’t know what they’re really going through, makes it easier to deal with.

amother

Violet

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 6:59 pm

I don't know, I think it's really harder for some people to be positive than others. If you have a nature and a nurture that are both more negative, it's very, very difficult to break out of.

Yes, I know people who have been in difficult situations and are very positive, but most of the time, it seems to be that positivity is inborn rather than acquired or honed.

I was brought up surrounded by negativity, and with a lot of challenges. I have a very hard time looking at the bright side of things, especially when a lot of things seem to be going wrong at the same time.

Last edited by amother on Fri, Jul 12 2019, 10:18 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Black

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 7:02 pm

amother wrote:

I struggle with this very much when I think about bringing another child into the world.
I’m very grateful for the much good in my life Baruch HaShem, but to bring new life into this works of suffering and unknown, I just have a hard time justifying it.
I’m always feeling bad when new babies are born (and I haven’t own babies).

I’m sorry to say this but that’s a non jewish view. The Torah commands us to procreate. It’s not up to any of us to decide the world is too painful for children.