How do you decide when to step in as a parent

amother

Seagreen

Thu, Nov 29 2018, 7:15 pm

I am not a first time mother. I am very frustrated with my child's preschool experience so far. How do you decided when to confront teachers about how they discipline or how they treat your child? My child is coming home very unhappy and based on my child's version of stories they are punishing children for being children.

Last time it was a severe punishment so I called and I was told my kid was so bad the punishment was necessary. When I asked to be told what was so bad they said what did my kid say, and then basically agreed that was the story but my kid was sooo bad. I said if my kid is so bad why aren't you calling me and discussing a plan? And also what are these terrible behaviors. I was basically told oh we don't call parents for every little thing and I have to go now can't discuss the behavior.

Well my child was punished for seemingly nothing again. I know I'm not going to get answers and the friction is just getting worse. Pulling my kid out is not simple because I have many kids in school and it will be problematic.

How would you react to this situation? Any tips on how to help my child navigate this year?

amother

Slategray

Thu, Nov 29 2018, 7:20 pm

Who will advocate for your child if not you.
You must show your child that you’re on his side.
Make it clear with the teachers that they cannot punish him without calling you first.
Explain that you’re here to help and be on top of the situation.

My4Jewels

Thu, Nov 29 2018, 7:24 pm

What are the behaviors that are being punished? Do you still not know? I would set up a meeting with the teachers and the director to find out exactly what is going on.

And if they keep referring to your child as a such a problem I would either switch the class he is in or the school. Even if it’s complicated. Your child comes first and he should know that you would do anything needed if he is being mistreated

amother

Seagreen

Thu, Nov 29 2018, 7:29 pm

My4Jewels wrote:

The school is not willing to switch classes. The teacher has not given actual examples and only said your kid misbehaves. My child told me the misbehavior, was not cleaning up lunch, talking loud during free play time, and calling for the teacher when the child needed help.

trixx

Thu, Nov 29 2018, 7:31 pm

Put up a big fight, make a big deal, insist that you refuse to allow them to "discipline" your child without them even telling you what it is for. Seriously. Stick up for your kid and demand transparency.

amother

Seagreen

Thu, Nov 29 2018, 7:31 pm

I have made it very clear that extreme punishments are not ok. I have also said if there are issues we need to discuss it and come up with a plan. I am just told later not now each time. The teacher acts like I'm a crazy parent when I call so I'm just feeling deflated and confused. And I was nice on the phone and I said can you tell me what happened in school today and I never accused them of anything, and still all I got was a lot of defensiveness and no answers.

amother

Cobalt

Thu, Nov 29 2018, 7:37 pm

I would have a meeting with the preschool director. Ask her what the discipline policy is for these behaviors, and let her know how it's been handled until now. Also ask her to spend some time in the classroom observing your child so you have a more objective view on what's actually happening.

amother

Seagreen

Thu, Nov 29 2018, 7:38 pm

amother wrote:

From the little I gathered it seems to be this is what the director is demanding of teachers. I have a feeling the director might be the issue.

amother

Cobalt

Thu, Nov 29 2018, 7:44 pm

amother wrote:

From the little I gathered it seems to be this is what the director is demanding of teachers. I have a feeling the director might be the issue.

Well, go ahead and have that meeting with the director so you can find out for yourself. If what you wrote is true, I would pull my child out.

amother

Seagreen

Thu, Nov 29 2018, 7:52 pm

amother wrote:

Just to give us some context, what are these extreme punishments your child is receiving?

Being removed from the classroom for the duration of the day ( 4 hours ) this was for not cleaning up lunch. Being threatened, for example told child they cannot go home until xyz. I had to spend days comforting my child that they will always come home and if the school doesn't send them home I will be there in seconds to get them.

amother

Natural

Thu, Nov 29 2018, 7:55 pm

amother wrote:

How old is your child?

thunderstorm

Thu, Nov 29 2018, 8:03 pm

I agree the punishments are extreme. What scares me even more is the teachers attitude towards you. God knows what her attitude is towards your child. You have no choice but to speak to the director.

amother

Cobalt

Thu, Nov 29 2018, 8:04 pm

amother wrote:

These are things the teacher has told you outright? That's horrific.

amother

Seagreen

Thu, Nov 29 2018, 8:06 pm

amother wrote:

These are things the teacher has told you outright? That's horrific.

No my child told me, and when the teacher wasn't forthcoming I asked if they were true and the teacher confirmed they were.

amother

Brunette

Thu, Nov 29 2018, 8:10 pm

This is beyond the scope of normal and definitely not in the realm of discipline. I would ask for a meeting with the director and give the specific examples (I.e. not what u said in the op , don’t describe the punishments or ur opinion of them. Just say the facts) id be shocked if she was on board with this.

This can very badly effect the way your child perceives authority in general and school specifically.

amother

Sienna

Thu, Nov 29 2018, 8:10 pm

completely unacceptable. I'm a SAHM so I realize many people don't have an option but if a teacher made my 4 year old feel insecure like that, the child would be kept home until I felt that the teacher could be trusted to treat my child correctly. I would definitely go to the higher ups