How do you decide when to step in as a parent

amother

Seagreen

Thu, Nov 29 2018, 8:19 pm

amother wrote:

Is this an experienced teacher or a first-year teacher? A burnt-out teacher?

Experienced and seems energetic and a good teacher other than this issue. Doesn't seem burnt out.

amother

Chocolate

Thu, Nov 29 2018, 8:25 pm

You mentioned your daughter talks loudly during free time. Is it possible she has trouble with her hearing? Does she have any therapists who can advocate for you?

amother

Amber

Thu, Nov 29 2018, 8:26 pm

There's no changing someone like that. I'd leave. Now.

Actually, when my kids were little I probably would not have left because I would have been afraid to. But that would have been a cowardly incorrect decision. You should pull him out as of tomorrow.

amother

Blush

Thu, Nov 29 2018, 8:28 pm

amother wrote:

Being removed from the classroom for the duration of the day ( 4 hours ) this was for not cleaning up lunch. Being threatened, for example told child they cannot go home until xyz. I had to spend days comforting my child that they will always come home and if the school doesn't send them home I will be there in seconds to get them.

Threatening a child's security is totally unacceptable for a four year old. This IS the time to step in immediately. I would be there first thing in the morning, demanding audiences with anyone in charge. I wouldn't leave until I have the proper assurances.

amother

Seagreen

Thu, Nov 29 2018, 8:28 pm

amother wrote:

You mentioned your daughter talks loudly during free time. Is it possible she has trouble with her hearing? Does she have any therapists who can advocate for you?

Spoke loudly once that time, trying to get the teacher's attention. No issues with hearing, and no other concerns to think there is an issue.

amother

Dodgerblue

Thu, Nov 29 2018, 8:44 pm

amother wrote:

This absolutely does not sound okay to me. I would get to the bottom of it right away.

What did they do with the child for those 4 hours??

sub

Thu, Nov 29 2018, 8:45 pm

amother wrote:

Something is wrong here. Why is the teacher not using positive reinforcement? Why in the eorld would she use these extreme punishments? Please talk to the director immediately.
And the teacher confirmed what your child said so there are no excuses of childs imagination
Speak to someone in charge tomorrow

amother

Seagreen

Thu, Nov 29 2018, 8:56 pm

amother wrote:

This absolutely does not sound okay to me. I would get to the bottom of it right away.

What did they do with the child for those 4 hours??

Sat in the office

sub

Thu, Nov 29 2018, 9:33 pm

amother wrote:

Sat in the office

A 4 year old sat in the office for 4 hours????
Why? Call the hanhala and get to the bottom of this. There are other children in class and who knows what the next punishment will be?

amother

Coffee

Thu, Nov 29 2018, 11:15 pm

This is insane. I would pull my child immediately from this class and not return him no matter what the hanhala says. Even if the hanhala agrees with you (I should hope they would!) this teacher is not fit to be in charge of precious little neshamahs and certainly not mine! Sounds like she has a personal vendetta against your child (maybe he annoys her), but the fact that she is capable of such emotional abuse would make me never trust her no matter what the hanhala says. Even if she stops these "punishments" and threats, she is surely subtly undermining his self-esteem if she views him a such a problem child. I would pull my child before further damage could be done.

esuss

Thu, Nov 29 2018, 11:30 pm

What struck me immediately when I read the OP is how the teacher was describing your child as "bad" and " he was so bad". That is such a huge no no. That it is hard to believe that a teacher who should know better should say this.
I would switch classes immediately and if really not possible switch preschools. If necessary keep him home till this is resolved.

amother

Denim

Thu, Nov 29 2018, 11:44 pm

"How do you decide when to step in as a parent?"
1. You get some opinions from imamothers.
2. You keep your child home from yesterday onward.
3. You look for another school
4. You just do it. Every day your kid is exposed to this gives her neshoma a message that this is ok. She depends on you, her mother, to take action that says "this is not ok"

Something similar happened with my DD when she was three and a half. Around Chanukah time I decided to stop sending her. She stayed home until Sept and started fresh in a new school.

This teacher needs to be reviewed for her harsh discipline practices. She's not fit to teach kids.

Ruchel

Fri, Nov 30 2018, 5:58 am

You cannot ask the teacher not to punish AT SCHOOL without talking to you.

You can absolutely talk to teacher, refuse an unfair punishment...

Rappel

Fri, Nov 30 2018, 7:01 am

I'm horrified.

I agree with the other amothers whom recommend pulling your child out immediately, until this issue is resolved in full. Your daughter came to you for help. If you pull her out, you'll confirm her expectation that you can be relied upon to protect her, while keeping her from receiving toxic messages that she is "bad." (What reasonable teacher would label a kid like that?????) If you keep sending her, then she will be a korban to the situation. She probably will feel unsafe, unworthy, isolated, and resentful . It's not worth it at any price.

There needs to be total, open communication between a kindergarten teacher and a parent. If you're being stonewalled while your child is unhappy, then that is enough cause to remove her. The actual punishment is just the icing on the whole, rotten cake.

rdmom

Fri, Nov 30 2018, 7:48 am

My 5 year old came home from school a few days before sukkos saying they got a new kid in the class. I asked why and she said that her old teacher punished her 5 times already. This is from the first day of school to not even a month in. So the kid changed classes. Well guess what? It is not Chanukah and the kid wasn’t punished even once in the new class. The old teacher just couldn’t handle her and they weren’t a fit.

Please. Take your kid out of that class. For your kids sake. It will show him that you really listen to him and will do anything for him. Will mean the world

amother

Coffee

Fri, Nov 30 2018, 7:57 am

If my 4 yr old child was made to sit 4 hours in the office as a punishment, I would pull him/her out of that class faster than you could say boo, and sue the school for emotional abuse. I'm shocked that you'd allow your child to return to such a toxic environment for even a moment.

little neshamala

Fri, Nov 30 2018, 8:08 am

OP the situation your child is in can be very traumatic. Not one bit of this is normal. Your child's behaviors are very age appropriate. And the punishments themselves are very inappropriate. To put this into context, if a nurse in a nursing home would behave like this towards the patient it would be considered abuse.
What horrified me the most was threatening the child about not being able to go home until xyz. What?!?!
Get your child out of there NOW.
And if you cant yet, put a button camera on her that will record everything that happens. Theyre easy to purchase.