Why are chasidishe weddings so expensive?

qwerty4

Fri, Dec 21 2018, 10:32 am

amother wrote:

I dont know how they know, but if they do find out, they have to pay a heavy knas.

That's not true. What you might mean is the fact that upgrades in a takanos hall must be paid for, which makes it less affordable I.e. real flowers, upgraded meal etc.

crust

Fri, Dec 21 2018, 10:38 am

amother wrote:

I don't know if it's by all chassidim, or certain ones, but by rebbish families, the kallah wears a headpice type of thing that costs 1,000+ just for weddng night!!! I cannot understand how people afford that.

You probably saw a kallah that didnt wear a sheitel at all?

Its definitely not all Chassidim and not all rebbish either.

But taking in consideration that its in the place of a sheitel... how much does an average person spend on a shietel for a wedding day? I think its more than 1k. Smile

crust

Fri, Dec 21 2018, 10:48 am

watergirl wrote:

But who would know if gifts were given that arent on the takana list?

They wouldn't.

Again, the people that make weddings there (btw there's no choice of real flowers- its ALWAYS silk) are happy that the standard is not to give more gifts and that they are not guilty of making their future daughter or son in law feel that s/he was cheated out of something that their freinds get.

I know a girl that got a real diamond while all of her sisters got a zicronia. Her mechitonim are wealthy and they wanted it. She still got married in this same low key takanos hall because this is what her parents could afford.

The point is that had her mechitonim Not had the money, they would not feel obligated to buy a real diamond.

Tzutzie

Fri, Dec 21 2018, 10:55 am

crust wrote:

Majority of chassidish ppl wear synthetic so it's less than 1k.
And some gown places offer head pieces for $100 if you take the gown there.

Mine personally costed $150 and was custom made by some guy on the back of a fabric store. My mother sold it afterwards for $150. So it costed us zilch. Smile

Even when my parents were super rich, weddings were according to normal community standards. Not the higher community standards even though they could easily afford it. It was just a shood the gelt.

I know quite a few people like that. Some poeple have brains. Others don't.

dankbar

Fri, Dec 21 2018, 10:56 am

You are asking who cares if you give gifts, nobody has to know? True, the only thing is that living in close knit communities & girls flaunting the jewelery they got, it becomes a competition & raises the standard. ( even when they dont show off, first thing after mazel tov by lchaim, everyone has to see the bracelet she got.) If everyone is allowed to give fewer gifts & less expensive ones....then this becomes the standard. If someone can't give such expensive gifts it's fine because standards got lowered all around.
That's what happened with simchos all around.
Years back every simcha needed a party planner or family set up a sweet table on own.
Simchas had full man bands, live flowers, photography, people used to bake or order cake/ miniatures to send to family/friends simchas. Not anymore, TAKANA halls don't allow any cake ordered only what they give. Cap price for flowers by vort. No music. No photography or music by bar mitzvah. So standards came down across the board. You don't have to anymore. Even some rich people going takana way.

Tzutzie

Fri, Dec 21 2018, 11:00 am

crust wrote:

Not true.
Mine was real flowers from the night before. We split the cost and the florist came back the day of my wedding to change out/ fix the ones that had gotten unfresh.
I hated my flowers. The ppl from the wedding before us changed it without telling us.... it was so colorful. It was supposed to be more of a whitish peachy tone.....

Re pictures. We had Judy nissen and someone from her studio at the men. Till after dancing. (The men I think only part of dancing.)

dankbar

Fri, Dec 21 2018, 11:01 am

I would say it doesn't start when you are getting married. It starts from babyhood....if you needed to be clothed in $100 baby outfits & $1000 strollers...needed the brand name expensive clothes for schools & camps. Brand tote bags For $200 & brand shoes for $300 In hi school..how do you expect girl to lower her standard when she gets married? Why wouldn't she want now the $800 linen & $3000 gown?

asmileaday

Fri, Dec 21 2018, 11:02 am

The standard chassidish wedding costs far less than the non chassidish wedding.

Now if you're talking about the "gifts" that's a whole nother story and a pet peeve of mine that did not start now when I'm older and wiser. I've been arguing against the extravagant kallah jewelry since I was in high school.

I believe it's a total waste of money. An 18 year old does not need to be bedecked in thousands of dollars of diamonds and gold. It's ridiculous. And styles change. Besides my diamond ring I do not wear any of my kallah jewelry anymore.

I'm not sure what can be done to change this. It's so ingrained it's almost like halachah! It's not the kind of thing where you can just change for yourself and your family.
Suppose I'd want to change this. I only have boys. If any of my future mechutanim are on here, what kind of conversation would we have before the shidduch happens in regards to this matter?

dankbar

Fri, Dec 21 2018, 11:08 am

Then it gets out of hand, parents are collapsing from financial pressures when marrying off the children....due to societal norms....so no one can use their own sechel & judgement on what to spend or save....then the rabbanim have to come & plotch everyone down to same level....no room for individuality ....every takana bar mitzvah or vort.....is copy paste.....

Hashem didn't create the world that way that everything is equal....but being everyone has to be the same as her neighbor....poor ones following rich ones....you need to make a communism where everyone is same.

I'm not saying that takanas didn't do it's good...im just explaining how & why we got there

Tzutzie

Fri, Dec 21 2018, 11:09 am

dankbar wrote:

This!

I say this all the time.
It's ok to treat a child once in a while. But the general standard is crazy!

I even have a theory about it. Lol.

In the general population in the world, people live in neighborhoods they can afford. There are high income, low income, super rich, poverty....

By us, we all live together. Close to a shul. And within the same community.
And our kids go to the same school. And of course they want to fit in, and have all the nicer stuff they see the rich kids have.
It's a lot easier to just give in than to teach our kids otherwhise.

(That's one of the great things of living were we currently are living. We're all in the same boat here. We all came here for affordable homes, privacy and to kick community standards)

qwerty4

Fri, Dec 21 2018, 11:11 am

Tzutzie wrote:

Majority of chassidish ppl wear synthetic so it's less than 1k.

The cost of a synthetic wig being done for a chasuna for a kalla is around 1K total. Human hair wigs aren't that cheap.

Tzutzie

Fri, Dec 21 2018, 11:20 am

qwerty4 wrote:

The cost of a synthetic wig being done for a chasuna for a kalla is around 1K total. Human hair wigs aren't that cheap.

My nieces cost $650 just a few weeks ago.

Amother Rose, I don't think so. You can see if it's human or not. But it's possible I'm mistaken. I haven't checked Wink

amother

Rose

Fri, Dec 21 2018, 11:25 am

Just as the chassidim have their social norms, so do the non chassidim. They support their couples in Israel, make over the top weddings, wear stunning long wigs worth thousands, they go to pesach hotels which are sponsered by the parents.... every community has their quirks. And you'll see bugaboo strollers in every community, not just chassidish.

flowerpower

Fri, Dec 21 2018, 11:26 am

dankbar wrote:

Insane!!! I blame the parents!!! Why do they feed into it????? I have one neighbor that always talks how her kids have to have brand named stuff because of peer pressure. The mother is the peer pressure!!! My kids are clueless because we don’t discuss such stuff.

Btw, in the litvish world... the teenage boys are extremely into brand name. I have 3 neighbors that are busy buying their sons clothes that they say is way beyond their budget.